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I need help with my NROTC Essay?

How might your background and experiences enhance the U.S. Naval Service?

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tfizzle

New Member
“Nothing is predestined. The obstacles of your past can become the gateways that lead to new beginnings.” - Ralph Blum. These words have shaped my life and made me realize that no matter what adversity I have faced I can still make a difference in the world.

When I was growing up, my mother was on drugs, because she was constantly being beaten by my father. She would spend the rent money on methamphetamine and crack cocaine, requiring us to move from place to place every month. Each night I would get on my knees and just pray to God asking for a drug-free mom. Finally, God answered my prayers: my mom put the pipe down and decided to get off drugs. These experiences molded me into the person I am today: loyal, hardworking, and God fearing.

I know that I can enhance the U.S. Naval Service because my whole life I have had to step up and become a leader. During my 11th grade year I was selected to attend RYLA, the Rotary Youth Leadership Awards. This was a three-day trip to Idle Wild Camp where the participants were taught the fundamentals of teamwork, communication skills and leadership. My experience there was incredible. I learned what the true definition of leadership was: someone who is not afraid to accept challenges and not afraid to make mistakes.

Over my 11th grade summer, I was sponsored to attend Boys State. Imagine being selected from the “best of the best” that California has to offer for an all paid trip to Sacramento, where 1,000 delegates and alternates gather to learn more about the government and ways to enhance public speaking, leadership skills, and teamwork. We were given the opportunity to take a Boys State Bar exam of 135 questions dealing with government and legal definitions. I passed my exam and was appointed by my "city" to be the police chief. My job was to wake everyone up for breakfast, arrest and fine those who broke the law, and make sure that everyone had their lights off for lights out. I also got to appoint my own police officers.

Using what I learned at Boys State, RYLA, and coping with my mother's problems, I know that I will be able to help anyone succeed in overcoming any obstacles or challenges that come their way. They can always call on me for advice, and I will help. I know that with my passion and determination to help others, I will definitely enhance the U.S. Naval Service.
 

BackOrdered

Well-Known Member
Contributor
I would canx this whole statement. The details of your past offer the Navy nothing. Focus on what you can do for the service here and now.
 

BusyBee604

St. Francis/Hugh Hefner Combo!
pilot
Super Moderator
Contributor
I would canx this whole statement. The details of your past offer the Navy nothing. Focus on what you can do for the service here and now.

tfizzle shall I cancel the beginning

Not yet, wait until you get some more feedback, that what the Forums are for!

tiz, I respectfully disagree with your hasty assessment and recommendation. The OP is only 16 and, most likely still in high school, so what other past experience does he have to draw on, but to show how he has overcome a large obstacle(s) in his young life. He has outlined his leadership opportunities taken, and appears to have leadership potential. He's not in, our anyway near being in the Navy "here and now"!

In my experience, compared to most others answer to this question I've read on AW, tfizzle's is well written and does answer the question as well as a young teen's experience allows. Undoubtedly, in time OP will have to modify and update his answer, as he gains work/leadership experience in and after high school. IMO, Your recommendation was a bit terse.:confused:
BzB
 

BackOrdered

Well-Known Member
Contributor
Without mentioning the lack of appropriateness of your opening, even positives are meaningless to reporting seniors if they don't equate to a result or a goal. Focus on what you bring to the table that is going to produce positive results to the service. Issues from the past that seem to still haunt you don't help anyone.
 

BackOrdered

Well-Known Member
Contributor
Not yet, wait until you get some more feedback, that what the Forums are for!

tiz, I respectfully disagree with your hasty assessment

If he still wants to use the beginning, there are better ways to marry negative experiences to positive outcomes. I would only briefly mention my family's drug issues and note the moral higher ground I would have to take to support them. That would read impressively.

Call it hasty, but I still don't immediately get that from the way this statement is delivered and would not recommend using it.
 

BusyBee604

St. Francis/Hugh Hefner Combo!
pilot
Super Moderator
Contributor
If he still wants to use the beginning, there are better ways to marry negative experiences to positive outcomes.

True, but you opened up with "I would canx the whole statement", how about a bit of rewrite help vice canx?

tiz84 Call it hasty, but I still don't immediately get that from the way this statement is delivered and would not recommend using it.

See above, the latter part is not that bad, let's see what others opine.:)
BzB
 
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