I need help guys

[Astrelka]

There's been a lot of posts about this topic but it's a good one and I need a few more words of wisdom. My girlfriend and I have been together for 2 years now. We just graduated college and I know that if I wasn't leaving for OCS in two weeks (July 6) that I would be ring shopping. She graduated almost at the top of our class and landed an amazing job in North Carolina for the next two years. She has told me that she is willing to sacrifice the rest of her career in order to stay with me when she is done in NC (Trust me, I don't take this for granted). The only thing that worries her to no end is the quality of life we would have as a married couple trying to start a family with the husband in the aviation community. She worries that there would be times when she would be doing all the raising and our children would suffer. I told her to trust in the Lord, and that we would have the strength to endure anything but she still needs more assurance that things could work. She's coming in tomorrow, (Monday 6/23) to stay with me until OCS starts. I need advice from you guys and ladies out there who are married/engaged with or without children as to how you guys make it work. I know that if both people love each other with all their hearts and trust in the Lord that they can make it work. I just want to hear what you all have to say from your own experiences. Thank you.
-Andy

 

[patbrown08]

I think you will find many fathers/husbands who will give you the same advice that Matt has given. I have 11 years in, and 3 children. My wife is one of the most amazing women you could ever meet. And yes there are many like her out here supporting us. I have missed birthdays, christmas, anniversaries. You name it. And most of my time was spent on subs, so we couldn't email or call. It will never be easy, but, like Matt said, if you are willing to work a little toward having a family. Well then, you can do it very successfully. And there is nothing better than knowing when you are out there doing your thing at sea, that there is a strong support structure, actually more like a family for your family, on just about every base in the world. Because everyone around you and your family will know exactly what you are going through. This goes for married and single people.

 

[Brooklyn]

These were great responses that I'm sure will help you and the rest of us who are in similar shoes. I found great support here when I first came around seeking advise. A pilot friend of mine and his wife encouraged my wife and I when we faced big decisions. They crossed the 10 year threshold in the Navy and are staying in because although it is hard, they love the closeness of the community.

Ultimately, your trust and faith in the Lord will carry you through. Give Him your worries. Why carry that burden? Sounds easy right? I'm sure you know that it takes work. Living in His will is the only place to be. He will guide you guys.

 

[Jeff]

I am actually in a similar situation to you. I actually did the ring shopping during over the weekends while I was in OCS last year. After being together for three years at the time, OCS was our first time apart. Then I went to Corpus for Primary and that didnt help because she is affraid to fly, and after 9-11 she wasnt about to overcome that. So we actually went five months without seeing each other. Actually all of last year we saw each other about six weeks. She has an incredible job in Va Beach which is where we are from and I dont want her to quite to follow me if there is a chance that I can make it back there in a year or so. But the seperation has taken its toll, the phone calls get short from time to time because you get so buisy, and its not easy. Now I am in Meridian, and I should get my wings in May 03', and she comes down to see me just about every other weekend.

I guess my biggest advice is to have her talk to wives of pilots, like Matt's wife. I cant tell you how much that has helped for us. Being from Va. Beach we knew several pilots to talk to and she has gotten a glimpse of the support that the wives in the squadron provide for each other and knows it wont be easy, but when the time comes for her to be the Mom the Dad,etc.. she knows she will have the support there when she needs it. Best of luck to you...

 

[marcb747]

I'm also in the same situation. I start OCS on Dec 7, and signed an 8 yr. contract. Although my wife is very supportive of my decision and I'm very excited of the opportunity, I always wonder whether or not my decision was fair for her and the kids. Considering that she will be sacrificing her career for my goals, not to mention a significant cutback in our current lifestyle.
Does the Navy provide a means for spouses to pursue a career within the military community? I've also read that divorce rates are rather high in the Navy. What is the most common reason for this?

 

[Astrelka]

You guys are great. Thanks so much for your sincerity and honesty. Everything's working out great. This site is a real tribute to how much the Navy really is a family.
-Andy

 

[marcb747]

Thanks for the help Matt, I really appreciate your insight.
Your assumption is correct. I wasn't sure how to phrase it but to me, the military community include not only servicemembers but their dependents as well.

The reason I've asked is because, I'm basically looking for some middle ground in terms of pursuing a navy career and at the same time, keeping my wife happy in her career field. How do you guys manage to deal with this if you don't mind me asking?

thanks,
marc

 

[Gabe2surf]

Damn straight... something those Air Farce clowns just can't seem to understand....

Just curious Pat, what is your beef with the AF? What do you mean they don't understand. I happen to be active AF and am not sure where you get your AF info from. You don't think we deploy or go TDY? Just so you know I'm on C-130's and were easily gone more than half the year away from home, every year.
Yes the AF consists of a 'Chair Force', but for the OPS side of the house, we are gone all the time. Just curious, how do you base your assumptions of the AF? Are your prior AF, did you hear about the AF from friends in the Navy??? PLease explain. Thanks.

 

[Dawgfan]

I don't know about Pat, but I get all my Air Force information from "Iron Eagle" (1 and 2... not 3). That's pretty accurate stuff, right?

 

[marcb747]

I grew up in a Navy family as well. We're all on the same team as far as I am concerned and my respect remains the same for any man/woman in uniform regardless of service.

God forbid, if I get shot down in a mission, I would be as happy seeing an AF guy as I would with a Navy guy, Marine, Army or Coastie.

 

[Valion310]

I've been out of the Navy for almost two years and I miss the family like crazy, there is nothing in the world like a Sqadron Family for support.

Make sure she "knows" what it means and requires to be a Navy wife, my ex-wife said she knew, but she didn't "know" what it was. My mom is a 20+ year AF Fighter Pilots wife and she is the most amazing woman I've ever met. She treated guys both at the USAFA and in my dad's various Commands like they were part of our immediate family, and even my enlisted brothers she treated just the same. Chances are, a woman who can't be self-dependant and can't be just as much of a leader and go-getter as you will have a harder time while your deployed, etc.

Good advice on the having her talk with the other wives, get her involved with your crew and their other half's and let her see what its all about as much as possible. Good luck sir.