How to help BF

[ladybug]

Hi all-
I am new on this forum. My BF is jollyroger. He is getting ready to apply for NFO in Decemeber of this year. I will graduate from college in August and will be trying to get a job close by so that we can stay together. We have been dating for almost four years and are unoffically engaged. I would like some advise on how to help him out and support him to the best of my ability. I am no strager to the military as I am an Army Brat. I know that if he gets in I am a refelction of him and can either hurt or help him in his military career. I will apreciate any advise. Also we have an on going debate about should we get married before he applies for a NFO slot or after.

Ladybug

 

[Cate]

I don't know an awful lot about your situation, but I can tell you that, in general, waiting never hurts. Life will change a lot for him after he gets his NFO slot, and life will absolutely change a lot for you when you get out of college. You'll want plenty of time to get used to your new life before you try to go and combine it with someone else's. He should understand - if not, he isn't worth it.

Just my two cents.

 

[ladybug]

I currrently live away from home and my parents. They help me out some and will until I can afford all of my living expenses on my own. As for adjusting to my new life after college, well let's just say it won't be all that new to me. I need a full time job for medical benefits but also to help pay for my Master's degree. I am used to being on my own and as much as my BF may not like it I am very independent. I love him and can survive on my own but would perfer to be with him. Thanks for your input. By the way I have just been corrected by my BF he is not going for NFO but SNA. Sorry I only know Army MOS's and am trying to learn NAVY MOS's.

 

[Cate]

That's exactly what I went through with my... male person. We were actually engaged when I had the shock of my life when I found out that, without even thinking about it, I had graduated from college with a journalism degree and was living in a small town, working at a job that I hated (residential real estate law) and preparing to potentially drop everything to follow him to whatever sub base wanted him next. Granted, we had some other relationship issues to deal with anyway, but we ended up splitting up - after dating for four years - gave the ring back and everything - so that he could do his Navy thing and I could do my journalism thing. Now he's in Pensacola and I'm in Atlanta, and we actually made first contact a month ago and are starting to work things through. I don't know if we'll even have a romantic relationship in the future, but I know that, for me, the time apart has helped me line things up in my head, and to get a real feel for what I'd potentially be giving up to follow him around.

That's just my personal experience - I don't really feel qualified to throw around a lot of advice, just a lot of history.

 

[Alyssa]

Ladybug~
I am a newlywed, and this military thing is new to me, but my husband and I had several months of discussion and prayer with each other before decideing if this was the right path for us. My advise is it all about perspective. Moving every three years to a new location could be an exciting new adventure, or it could be a disprution of your life. Even with that, there are opportunities to remain in the same area if the command is a larger city. As a military wife, you need to somewhat independant. Once he goes on deployment, for six months, you are the one who must take care of everything. I would recommend that you buy the book "Married to the Military" by Meredith Leyva.
Hope this helps you.

 

[ladybug]

Thanks for all the help and advice. It helps me some I guess that my Mom was a career Army wife. I know that I will have to move alot and though not totally trilled about that I will go with him where he is stationed. I can remember when my Dad would get reassigned and moving befoe he did so my Mom could find a job (she was a school teacher, now a junior high school consuler). I know that the military can be rough because I lived with it. I never expected to be a military wife but I am commited to my BF. We have been through so much together including extended periods of separation but probaly no where near what I would have to go through if he joins the Navy. I would never personally serve in the military but he is so passionate about it that I would not want him to prosue it. In the back of my head though I can remember how my Dad missed 22 consecutive birthday's of my sister but I also remember him putting extra hours so that he could catch an earlier flight to see me play soccer in high school. I know that the military life can be hard and sometimes pull famlies apart but I plan to go in to this with my eyes wide open and support him the best that I can. We have talked to my parents and have deceided to incorporate some of their ways of handeling situations, like the fact that they deceided before they got married that no big dissions would be made over the phone but rather face to face. I also remember something my Mom told my Dad, "I married you not the Army." My Dad was already committed to the military before he and my Mom met because of an ROTC scholarship he received to go to college. Once again thanks to all for advice and help.