Gripe Sheets

[GMan1976]

Not sure if this has been posted on here before:

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe
sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The
mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form,
and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never
let it
be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas'
pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S)
by
maintenance engineers.
By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an
accident.
... Enjoy!

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.


And the best one for last..................
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

 

[Fly Navy]

It has, but always funny.

 

[montellv]

Same thing we do with the AMB, but I believe we have given a couple back to the taxpayers this year. Just an observation about Qatas not having an accident. I've also heard that record comes more from the way they report accidents.

Also an old man JO.

 

[FMRAM]

P: Relief tube to short.
S: Op checks 4.0 with enlisted d!ck.

 

[KSUFLY]

B D A C

 

[Brett327]

Same thing we do with the AMB, but I believe we have given a couple back to the taxpayers this year. Just an observation about Qatas not having an accident. I've also heard that record comes more from the way they report accidents.

Also an old man JO.

I think that Qantas' claim is that they've never had a mishap related fatality. Trivia: What does Qantas mean? No cheating with google/wiki.

Brett

 

[KSUFLY]

Queensland And Northern Territory Aerial Services

 

[Brett327]

Queensland And Northern Territory Aerial Services

I think you cheated, but very nice nonetheless.

Brett

 

[Pags]

The best thing I've seen written up so far was a gripe on a TH-57 GPS (identical to the one in the T-34) where someone had programmed the startup screen to read "system error. cycle power."

 

[Fly Navy]

The best thing I've seen written up so far was a gripe on a TH-57 GPS (identical to the one in the T-34) where someone had programmed the startup screen to read "system error. cycle power."

I used to love reprogramming that...

 

[BurghGuy]

I had "PC Load Letter" the other day in the T-34. I got a kick out of it.

 

[NavyLonghorn]

I had "PC Load Letter" the other day in the T-34. I got a kick out of it.

What the F&@k does PC Load Letter mean?

 

[BurghGuy]

That was my reply over the ICS, unfortunately I said it before my IPs was up and running, so I ended up just making an ass of myself. Aren't FAMs great?

 

[Brett327]

I had "PC Load Letter" the other day in the T-34. I got a kick out of it.

Yeah, we do that in the Prowler sometimes - good clean fun.

Brett

 

[PropStop]

I used to love reprogramming that...

In the P-3 we can build geo points that are displayed on the screens throughout the plane. It's all done from the nerd stations (TACCO and NAV) so you have to sneak in there when the TACCO or Nav is in the head or something. I like to program things like, "3P's blow goats" and other things I can't post here. Yeah, it's immature, childish and petty, but it never stops being funny. I'll also rename points in the GPS but you're limited to five characters there, so not as much fun.