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Completely new to military life

mariaz

Member
Maria,
We had our first kid right before API, second in the middle of Advanced. We were 27/29 for those two.
It sucked, mostly due to the impacts a couple of tit-monkeys will have on sleep for both of you. I had lots of times I basically looked at my wife and said “I’ve gotta fly, good luck” which is super helpful to your marriage.
If you are getting married, then get married. You have lots of rights/privileges as a spouse you don’t have as a girlfriend. The day to day benefits exceed any story book notion you have about the wedding.
There will be plenty of spouses as you go through your life following the career, don’t just be friends with your husband’s peers, the senior-JOPA wives and DH wives will be closer to your age than the standard issue Seville-special.
Listen to their advice, they’ve seen a lot of things.

If you want some specific info, PM me and I’ll put you in contact with my wife, she has been through 3 years of my enlisted career and another 13 of my officer career as a wife.
Pickle
Greatest reply of all time! Logistically we’ll be around 33 at the earliest when we pop out our first, sooo we’ll see. 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

As far as marriage goes, we’ve talked about it at length, I’m just waiting on him to pull the trigger. Hoping for sooner rather than later.

I appreciate all the help and advice and input and it makes it so much easier to feel comfortable with the upcoming transition with how welcoming y’all have been!
 

mariaz

Member
Also,

does anyone know how to get into the private spouse's corner? I tried to follow the instructions in the thread and couldn't find "groups" anywhere in my settings. I may be forum illiterate. 🤦‍♀️
 

Gatordev

Well-Known Member
pilot
Site Admin
Contributor
Also,

does anyone know how to get into the private spouse's corner? I tried to follow the instructions in the thread and couldn't find "groups" anywhere in my settings. I may be forum illiterate. 🤦‍♀️
I've added you.
 

mariaz

Member
You mentioned asking "aviation specific questions" and getting push back. So it sounds like you do have specific questions, in which case feel free to ask those! The spouse corner doesn't get much traffic here, but hopefully someone can help you out.
So one of my aviation specific questions is what happens after OCS in terms of Pensacola. Do they go right from OCS there? Am I going to deal with finding an apartment in a crunch while he’s at OCS/ will I be moving all of our stuff/animals on my own.
Obviously I know moving a lot / dealing with it solo is going to happen A LOT, I just wasn’t sure if it was right out of the gate. A lot of the OCS stuff here is early 2000’s so I’m also not sure what’s changed.
 

FinkUFreaky

Well-Known Member
pilot
So one of my aviation specific questions is what happens after OCS in terms of Pensacola. Do they go right from OCS there? Am I going to deal with finding an apartment in a crunch while he’s at OCS/ will I be moving all of our stuff/animals on my own.
Obviously I know moving a lot / dealing with it solo is going to happen A LOT, I just wasn’t sure if it was right out of the gate. A lot of the OCS stuff here is early 2000’s so I’m also not sure what’s changed.
The Navy will move you unless you choose to move yourself , also known as DITY (Do IT Yourself). If you go that route, you get like 90% of what it would have cost the Navy to move you. Make sure you understand the weight policies (it's changed a couple times over the last decade, of where you need to weigh empty and full, etc. I think it's up you now but that might be bad gouge). I've done it a few times, and IMO, for me, it really isn't worth it. Finding an apartment, place to live is on you guys, not the Navy. BUT he will have some time at the end of OCS to help out. I did it myself no problem as an OCS stud, so I'm sure you guys will manage as a team!

The animals will be on you guys to figure out; the company the mil contracts to mover will move many things, but some are problematic (animals obviously, propane, mower without draining all fluids, grills, ammo, etc). My general go-to was to ditch the grill, bring the propane and animals and mower in the truck. And TV and whatever else you need for a few days before your stuff arrives.
 

Gatordev

Well-Known Member
pilot
Site Admin
Contributor
I never had any issues moving a grill, just as long as the trap was cleaned and the tank removed.
 

cyrusu

Well-Known Member
Question to Navy wives:

Have you enjoyed your married life? I'm single, but I definitely want to get married and I want my future wife to have a happy life and not feel tied down by my career. I've spoken to my peers who are either military brats or married and many have expressed concerns about the lifestyle. I'm just curious about what it has been like for you and kids if applicable?
 

mariaz

Member
OP Here, I’ve gone from girlfriend to fiancé to wife since I originally posted this! Lol I’ll be honest from a wife’s perspective, it’s not easy, especially if your partner wants a career and family. My career of choice pre-military is not something I can easily just do anywhere, so I’m currently doing something I don’t LOVE, but the pay is great, it’s remote, and it’s very flexible with my husbands schedule. I could have taken a massive pay cut to be in my “dream” field, but sacrificing that in order to do a job with quite a high pay is giving us the chance to save a LOT right now so when we have children, I can stay home for a while, then it will be my turn to focus on my career. My husband is just as supportive of me as I am of him. Sometimes I think he feels worse than I do when it comes to my career! But, I can tell you it’s worth every second of sacrifice. The first time I got to go to a blue angels practice I literally got all teary eyed thinking about how that could be my husband one day. My pride in seeing him do something so incredible makes it all worth it.
Question to Navy wives:

Have you enjoyed your married life? I'm single, but I definitely want to get married and I want my future wife to have a happy life and not feel tied down by my career. I've spoken to my peers who are either military brats or married and many have expressed concerns about the lifestyle. I'm just curious about what it has been like for you and kids if applicable?
 

villanelle

Nihongo dame desu
Contributor
After a couple decades of marriage... yes I have enjoyed my life. Sometimes the Navy is a pain in the ass. My life has certainly not ended up where I'd imagined it, though I suspect that statement is true for nearly everyone may age. I can attribute most of those differences between where I thought I'd be and where I am to the Navy, but it's impossible to say if I'd have ended up just as far afield if I'd married an accountant, or not married at all. The Navy has definitely required sacrifices, some of which I have felt very, very deeply. But it has also provided opportunities and some of the best friends around, with whom I've bonded so deeply in large part due to those sacrifices. At times, the life has required me and those around me to make our own fun, which we did in spades, and to embrace friends as chosen family when our genetic families were across the world. But these are people I can call any time of day, whether that's because I am eager to put together a game of flip cup and need people almost as keenly trained in that art as myself, or because life has flipped itself upside down and I need advice and love and [virtual] hugs. I've lived and visited fantastic places and done cool things and cried bitter tears and celebrated milestones alone and met incredible people, and some of each of those is directly attributed to the Navy. It has sucked and been glorious and frustrated me and enriched me.

Whether your wife feels "tied down" and whether the good will outweigh the bad for her will ultimately come down to who she is as a person, and who you are together as a couple. It's a good fit for some people and an uncomfortable, unpleasant fit for others, and that's not a judgement. It just works better for some than others. All you can do is openly talk about expectations and about what is to come (as best you can, which is truthfully often not all that well because you don't really have any idea about much of it until it is happening) and decide if it is a a gamble you are willing to take together. And then you roll the dice. But the same is probably true when marrying an accountant or a pastor or a principal or an I-banker or a programmer. It either works, or it doesn't. And you don't know until it is happening.
 

katiemmora

Member
OP Here, I’ve gone from girlfriend to fiancé to wife since I originally posted this! Lol I’ll be honest from a wife’s perspective, it’s not easy, especially if your partner wants a career and family. My career of choice pre-military is not something I can easily just do anywhere, so I’m currently doing something I don’t LOVE, but the pay is great, it’s remote, and it’s very flexible with my husbands schedule. I could have taken a massive pay cut to be in my “dream” field, but sacrificing that in order to do a job with quite a high pay is giving us the chance to save a LOT right now so when we have children, I can stay home for a while, then it will be my turn to focus on my career. My husband is just as supportive of me as I am of him. Sometimes I think he feels worse than I do when it comes to my career! But, I can tell you it’s worth every second of sacrifice. The first time I got to go to a blue angels practice I literally got all teary eyed thinking about how that could be my husband one day. My pride in seeing him do something so incredible makes it all worth it.
Hey there! My husband leaves for OCS in two weeks. He is 30 and his designator is NFO! How was the move to Pensacola with pets? How was the end of OCS? Basically how has your journey been so far! We have pets (2 cats and a dog), and will be moving from Nashville!
 

mariaz

Member
first off, CONGRATS!! That is so exciting! OCS wasn’t bad, but I also Murphy’s Law go into effect, so I was busy. 🤣 they are stressed and exhausted and even when my husband got his phone back, when we talked every night he was so so tired.
He told me repeatedly my letters got him through, so write a LOT, even if it’s silly stuff just about your day. I also tried to include little pictures of our pets every so often too! Try and connect with the class Facebook page, and find other significant others in his class. I was able to make friends before we even got here, once you get here there’s also a spouse group just for student aviators and it’s helped SO MUCH.

The move wasn’t bad AT ALL. We had about an 18 hour drive from PA to Pensacola, and we drove down in his car with just our cat. My dad brought my car and our dog down about 2 weeks later. Just as a heads up, the housing market is INSANE right now. I cannot tell you how many applications we attempted to put in only to be told it was already off the market. We found our house by some miracle on the SNA/NFO housing swap Facebook page. I highly recommend checking it out! Also, take whatever class up date they tell your husband at OCS with a grain of salt. My husband wasn’t supposed to class up for NIFE until November the earliest , but he got put on standby in August. It’s such a stressful time on them, but worth it. Also, I LOVE Pensacola so much! It’s going to be hard to leave. Now that flight school is in full swing, he’s home every night, but, not really. He spends most of his time studying in his office, so I have lots of free time! Good luck again, and I’m always here if you need a buddy to talk to! :)

Hey there! My husband leaves for OCS in two weeks. He is 30 and his designator is NFO! How was the move to Pensacola with pets? How was the end of OCS? Basically how has your journey been so far! We have pets (2 cats and a dog), and will be moving from Nashville!
 

villanelle

Nihongo dame desu
Contributor
Hey there! My husband leaves for OCS in two weeks. He is 30 and his designator is NFO! How was the move to Pensacola with pets? How was the end of OCS? Basically how has your journey been so far! We have pets (2 cats and a dog), and will be moving from Nashville!

Just something to keep in mind for the future... most military housing limits you to 2 pets. And even if you never plan on living in military housing, some overseas assignments require it. Also, when you are renting places as you move around, finding places that allow many pets can be a challenge, and finding places that will allow 3 can be nearly impossible So once nature brings those numbers down, it might be smart not to get back up to three pets while your husband is still active duty. (Of course some people have more than 2 or have more exotic pets and manage just fine. But some end up having to rehome those pets when they move overseas, or having to spend far more than they want to on rent and live in the middle of no where because that's the only rental they can find, so it's definitely something to keep in mind.)
 

katiemmora

Member
Just something to keep in mind for the future... most military housing limits you to 2 pets. And even if you never plan on living in military housing, some overseas assignments require it. Also, when you are renting places as you move around, finding places that allow many pets can be a challenge, and finding places that will allow 3 can be nearly impossible So once nature brings those numbers down, it might be smart not to get back up to three pets while your husband is still active duty. (Of course some people have more than 2 or have more exotic pets and manage just fine. But some end up having to rehome those pets when they move overseas, or having to spend far more than they want to on rent and live in the middle of no where because that's the only rental they can find, so it's definitely something to keep in mind.)
My dog is 14! It breaks my heart to imagine a life without him, but I know it’s coming soon. I dread trying to find housing and I don’t want to lie. We’ve been very lucky so far so I just hope it continues! We aren’t having anymore dogs after this one! Dogs are very rewarding, but come with major responsibility.
 
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