CHUCK NORRIS: NAVAL AVIATOR
Chuck Norris doesn’t request clearances, he states intentions.
Chuck Norris is the only person ever to land on runway 37.
Hijackers squawk 7400 when Chuck Norris is on board
A hung start is not a concern for Chuck Norris, he has always been hung.
Chuck Norris once shot down three enemy aircraft with his blivet.
If you ever lose sight of Chuck Norris, check your six o’clock.
When Chuck Norris taxies onto the runway, incoming traffic is told to hold short
Chuck Norris never “loses” altitude, he simply gets rid of it when he no longer has any use for it.
A precautionary approach according to Chuck Norris is sneaking up on someone from behind right before he breaks their neck with a judo chop
Chuck Norris has never landed with a crosswind. The wind would never dare get cross with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn’t fly into headwinds…the wind is always running away from Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris flies, the altimeter setting is 00.00. Chuck Norris is never under pressure.
When the BASH condition is Red, planes don’t fly. When the BASH condition is Norris, birds don’t fly.
Chuck Norris does not have to worry about crashing into the ground. The ground will gladly get out of Chuck Norris’ way.
Chuck Norris has never had a midair collision, He has shot down any plane that has gotten within 10 miles
When told to break at the numbers, Chuck Norris politely reminded the controller that Chuck Norris cannot be broken and proceeded with the straight in.
Chuck Norris was taking the active runway and noticed the windsock was pointed in his direction. Chuck Norris calmly got out of his plane walked over to the windsock and obliterated it with a double roundhouse kick. No one points at Chuck Norris…no one.
Right of Way rules do not apply when Chuck Norris is flying. If you are flying toward Chuck Norris, you are wrong.
Chuck Norris doesn’t shoot approaches…he kills them.
Chuck Norris is never off of glideslope, the glideslope is off of Chuck Norris
Two way contact for Chuck Norris is when he hits you with both fists simultaneously
Once, Chuck Norris was told to down one of his students. That student is still recovering from his injuries.
Chuck Yeager broke the sound barrier with his Bell X-1 Jet. Chuck Norris broke the sound barrier with his fist.
Chuck Norris went to primary at NAS Corpus Christi; he was a VT-28 Ranger
Chuck Norris doesn’t manage operational risk…he seeks it.
An ejection seat is not safe until Chuck Norris gets out of it.
Chuck Norris was told to ident, the controller was greeted with a fist coming out of his radar screen.
Chuck Norris has never had a successful recovery onboard a carrier; it is impossible to trap Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris doesn’t level off; he tells the altimeter to stop moving
Chuck Norris doesn’t need crew rest…he never sleeps.
Chuck Norris was once denied a clearance…once
Shock and Awe are the names of Chuck Norris’ legs
Minimum Safe Altitudes do not apply when Chuck Norris is airborne, if you are in the air when Chuck Norris is flying you are never safe.
Chuck Norris is never given the instructions “when able” . Chuck Norris is never unable to do anything.
Favorable winds are always in the same direction as Chuck Norris’ flight path
Chuck Norris was flying and saw a wall of clouds ahead so he decided to punch through them. He then got back in his plane and flew through the hole he just made.
Chuck Norris has never had to adapt his eyes to the dark. His infrared vision is working perfectly fine.
Chuck Norris doesn’t have emergencies, only moments of brief excitement.
Chuck Norris was told he was number two for landing. He immediately went to guns and shot the preceding aircraft. Chuck Norris does not follow anyone.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
The Chuck Norris One STAR involves descending to 10000, turning to a heading of 150 for 34 NM, and then receiving a roundhouse kick to the sternum.
It is not advisable to use your heads up display when flying with Chuck Norris, a round house kick to the face hurts a lot less with your head down.
T-45 Anti Icing Capabilities: Pitot Heat, 5th Stage Bleed Air, Chuck Norris
When asked for a time hack, Chuck Norris replied, “Two til”. The other pilot said “Two til what”. Two seconds later the pilot was kicked in the face by a lightning fast round house kick.
A permanent TFR surrounds Chuck Norris…no one is safe.
Chuck Norris’ aviators are mirrored, this is so you can see your expression the moment before he kicks your face in.
Chuck Norris cannot be tracked on radar, if he appears, it is too late; you are already dead.
A good flight for Chuck Norris is a bad flight for you.
A Flight Docs gives med up chits, Chuck Norris gives med down kicks.
Leading cause of disorientation for pilots: Chuck Norris
If you become hypoxic during flight; apologize to Mr. Norris and ask him to remove his foot from your throat.
Chuck Norris never turns up the volume on his radios, he tells everyone else to speak louder.
Chuck Norris once moved a stationary front.
All survival vests will be fitted with a Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the only person to graduate SERE School via correspondence.
A sonic boom is the sound of Chuck Norris smacking you in the face telling you to slow the hell down.
Chuck Norris isn’t holding, he is circling above his victims.
Chuck Norris provides close air support via flying round house kicks.
On final, an LSO told Chuck Norris he was slow; that LSO never saw the ensuing eight kicks coming.
The weather outlook for the area around Chuck Norris: 100% Chance of Pain
Getting acute with Chuck Norris will be your last mistake.
There is no need to use your rearview mirrors, rest assured; Chuck Norris will always be there.
Violate the 12 hour bottle to throttle rule and Chuck Norris will enforce the 12 hour bottle to face rule.
Chuck Norris has never missed a takeoff time, Chuck Norris never misses anything.
Chuck never forgets; he is like an elephant….he has a huge dick
Forrest Patton has a plan to land a 747 on the side of a mountain. Chuck Norris has executed that plan.
No one knows what Chuck Norris’ side number is, nobody has ever gotten that close.
There are two kinds of fighter pilots: those who have not yet challenged Chuck Norris to a dog fight and those who have. Unfortunately, we have been unable to find any who have challenged him.
(He got tired toward the end... but c'mon... most is pure genius)
r/
Slag
Chuck Norris doesn’t request clearances, he states intentions.
Chuck Norris is the only person ever to land on runway 37.
Hijackers squawk 7400 when Chuck Norris is on board
A hung start is not a concern for Chuck Norris, he has always been hung.
Chuck Norris once shot down three enemy aircraft with his blivet.
If you ever lose sight of Chuck Norris, check your six o’clock.
When Chuck Norris taxies onto the runway, incoming traffic is told to hold short
Chuck Norris never “loses” altitude, he simply gets rid of it when he no longer has any use for it.
A precautionary approach according to Chuck Norris is sneaking up on someone from behind right before he breaks their neck with a judo chop
Chuck Norris has never landed with a crosswind. The wind would never dare get cross with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn’t fly into headwinds…the wind is always running away from Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris flies, the altimeter setting is 00.00. Chuck Norris is never under pressure.
When the BASH condition is Red, planes don’t fly. When the BASH condition is Norris, birds don’t fly.
Chuck Norris does not have to worry about crashing into the ground. The ground will gladly get out of Chuck Norris’ way.
Chuck Norris has never had a midair collision, He has shot down any plane that has gotten within 10 miles
When told to break at the numbers, Chuck Norris politely reminded the controller that Chuck Norris cannot be broken and proceeded with the straight in.
Chuck Norris was taking the active runway and noticed the windsock was pointed in his direction. Chuck Norris calmly got out of his plane walked over to the windsock and obliterated it with a double roundhouse kick. No one points at Chuck Norris…no one.
Right of Way rules do not apply when Chuck Norris is flying. If you are flying toward Chuck Norris, you are wrong.
Chuck Norris doesn’t shoot approaches…he kills them.
Chuck Norris is never off of glideslope, the glideslope is off of Chuck Norris
Two way contact for Chuck Norris is when he hits you with both fists simultaneously
Once, Chuck Norris was told to down one of his students. That student is still recovering from his injuries.
Chuck Yeager broke the sound barrier with his Bell X-1 Jet. Chuck Norris broke the sound barrier with his fist.
Chuck Norris went to primary at NAS Corpus Christi; he was a VT-28 Ranger
Chuck Norris doesn’t manage operational risk…he seeks it.
An ejection seat is not safe until Chuck Norris gets out of it.
Chuck Norris was told to ident, the controller was greeted with a fist coming out of his radar screen.
Chuck Norris has never had a successful recovery onboard a carrier; it is impossible to trap Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris doesn’t level off; he tells the altimeter to stop moving
Chuck Norris doesn’t need crew rest…he never sleeps.
Chuck Norris was once denied a clearance…once
Shock and Awe are the names of Chuck Norris’ legs
Minimum Safe Altitudes do not apply when Chuck Norris is airborne, if you are in the air when Chuck Norris is flying you are never safe.
Chuck Norris is never given the instructions “when able” . Chuck Norris is never unable to do anything.
Favorable winds are always in the same direction as Chuck Norris’ flight path
Chuck Norris was flying and saw a wall of clouds ahead so he decided to punch through them. He then got back in his plane and flew through the hole he just made.
Chuck Norris has never had to adapt his eyes to the dark. His infrared vision is working perfectly fine.
Chuck Norris doesn’t have emergencies, only moments of brief excitement.
Chuck Norris was told he was number two for landing. He immediately went to guns and shot the preceding aircraft. Chuck Norris does not follow anyone.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
The Chuck Norris One STAR involves descending to 10000, turning to a heading of 150 for 34 NM, and then receiving a roundhouse kick to the sternum.
It is not advisable to use your heads up display when flying with Chuck Norris, a round house kick to the face hurts a lot less with your head down.
T-45 Anti Icing Capabilities: Pitot Heat, 5th Stage Bleed Air, Chuck Norris
When asked for a time hack, Chuck Norris replied, “Two til”. The other pilot said “Two til what”. Two seconds later the pilot was kicked in the face by a lightning fast round house kick.
A permanent TFR surrounds Chuck Norris…no one is safe.
Chuck Norris’ aviators are mirrored, this is so you can see your expression the moment before he kicks your face in.
Chuck Norris cannot be tracked on radar, if he appears, it is too late; you are already dead.
A good flight for Chuck Norris is a bad flight for you.
A Flight Docs gives med up chits, Chuck Norris gives med down kicks.
Leading cause of disorientation for pilots: Chuck Norris
If you become hypoxic during flight; apologize to Mr. Norris and ask him to remove his foot from your throat.
Chuck Norris never turns up the volume on his radios, he tells everyone else to speak louder.
Chuck Norris once moved a stationary front.
All survival vests will be fitted with a Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the only person to graduate SERE School via correspondence.
A sonic boom is the sound of Chuck Norris smacking you in the face telling you to slow the hell down.
Chuck Norris isn’t holding, he is circling above his victims.
Chuck Norris provides close air support via flying round house kicks.
On final, an LSO told Chuck Norris he was slow; that LSO never saw the ensuing eight kicks coming.
The weather outlook for the area around Chuck Norris: 100% Chance of Pain
Getting acute with Chuck Norris will be your last mistake.
There is no need to use your rearview mirrors, rest assured; Chuck Norris will always be there.
Violate the 12 hour bottle to throttle rule and Chuck Norris will enforce the 12 hour bottle to face rule.
Chuck Norris has never missed a takeoff time, Chuck Norris never misses anything.
Chuck never forgets; he is like an elephant….he has a huge dick
Forrest Patton has a plan to land a 747 on the side of a mountain. Chuck Norris has executed that plan.
No one knows what Chuck Norris’ side number is, nobody has ever gotten that close.
There are two kinds of fighter pilots: those who have not yet challenged Chuck Norris to a dog fight and those who have. Unfortunately, we have been unable to find any who have challenged him.
(He got tired toward the end... but c'mon... most is pure genius)
r/
Slag
