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Any mil to mils out there?

J

jetgirlflyer

AMDO
Just wondering if there are any other mil to mil couples out there who do not live with each other? And how are you coping?
My situation in a nutshell is this:
Got married Dec last year we had already been living apart for 3 months. He started IFS, API and is now in Primary. We have been living apart since last Sept and only see each other on three day weekends (if he is not studying) and if I take leave for a few days.
Is there anyone who has either been in, or know of anyone in this position? Fortunately we dont have children now, but we both have busy schedules with my workups and his studying, he is one of those study/stress freaks and we only maybe get to talk to each other once or twice a day for ten min or so. Its taking a toll on both of us.
Its not like one of the situations where the spouse is actually there with each other. I can see being in the next room and not being able to see or talk to each other, but at the end of the night at least you get to sleep with your spouse and be intimate with them. Being away for a month or two at a time and only getting to spend a couple of hrs at night before class the next day is really making things kinda hectic.
This situation will be like this probably for another year then I will be on deployment. I was just wondering if anyone had any words of wisdom?
Thanks in advance.
 
P

phrogpilot73

Well-Known Member
I'll weigh in on this one, and hopefully it's a bit more productive then Brett's advice...

My wife and I "were" and "will" be mil-mil. I am out of the USMC right now, but I'm going to be commissioned at the end of September in the Coast Guard, and my wife is on active duty in the Navy. We spent the first year of our married life with me living in Jacksonville, NC and her living in Odenton, MD. Throw in a deployment in there (luckily both at the same time) and yes, life sucked.

I wish that I could offer some sage-like advice, but I can't. It's not the best of situations, but we tried to do what we could. Add in the fact that she is working on her MBA, I'm working on my Master's, and I'm going to be studying my butt off learning a new platform and it seems like there's never enough time to spend together or talk on the phone. We conquered this as best we could with webcams. When we got home from work, we'd both get on Windows Live Messenger, turn on the webcam and mike/speaker and then go about our daily lives. The laptop (with webcam) would come with me into the kitchen, the bedroom, the den, the living room... Wherever we were - the webcam, speaker and mic were on. No, we didn't have physical contact and most of our phone calls were done right as we were going to bed. But it felt as close as it could to her being there/me being there, because we could always pause what we were doing and watch/listen/talk to what the other one was doing. Hope this helps.
 
Hozer

Hozer

Jobu needs a refill!
None
Contributor
You sound like you've already had a reality check.
It won't get better.
Career gates/milestones associated with locations are going to make long seperations highly probable.
You already know that though. There will alwyas be studying, quals, dets, JPME, and of course deployments.
The ones that I have seen stick it out usually involved one of the two getting out.
Good luck.
 
Fmr1833

Fmr1833

Shut the F#%k up, dummy!
None
Contributor
Sorry to hear about your situation...but I have to ask...why do people put themselves into stupid situations like this? Seriously. Do you want a real answer? Get a divorce or one of you needs to get out. Look logically at the next five years and ask yourself if there is one 6 month stretch where you may possibly be together. Then factor in children, etc. I know a few couples where they are both in the same service and the same pipeline. Much better situation. Otherwise, get used to never seeing your husband and then ask yourself if it's even a marriage at all. Sorry to be a dick, but c'mon, did you think there was some magic answer to a retarded situation?
 
F

FMRAM

Combating TIP training AGAIN?!
phrogpilot73 said:
When we got home from work, we'd both get on Windows Live Messenger, turn on the webcam and mike/speaker and then go about our daily lives. The laptop (with webcam) would come with me into the kitchen, the bedroom, the den, the living room... Wherever we were - the webcam, speaker and mic were on.
Click to expand...

That sounds like a poor man's surveillance system...I guess that is one way to prove you are being faithful...
 
smittyrunr

smittyrunr

Well-Known Member
pilot
Contributor
Yup, there are a few of us out here. And yup, it sucks a lot of the time.

I reccommend high speed internet and a cell phone plan that gives you unlimited phone calls to each other.

Find a solid group of girl friends has helped a lot.

Don't add up the months you have been together compared to the months you have not. This is not productive.

And remember why it is you are doing it. Eventually he will be out of training and there is much greater chance (although no guarantee) that you can be stationed together and come home to each other at night. This is the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with, if it involves some pain now to make things better in the future, than it's worth it.

Good Luck. We've been married for almost 4 years now, currently trying to figure out our next sets of orders. Doesn't get any easier.
PM me for more.
 
kmac

kmac

Coffee Drinker
pilot
Super Moderator
Contributor
Holy crap, I didn't know smittyrunr was still alive!
 
smittyrunr

smittyrunr

Well-Known Member
pilot
Contributor
The mighty Orion hasn't defeated me just yet.

Been on a nice trip to a beach with no water... and looking to go back in a couple months.
 
A4sForever

A4sForever

BTDT OLD GUY
pilot
Contributor
Fmr1833 said:
Sorry to hear about your situation...but I have to ask...why do people put themselves into stupid situations like this?....
Click to expand...
Second Fmr1833's hard, tough advice .... but still they come looking for answers to ameliorate and/or extricate themselves from the proverbial self-inflicted gunshot wound ... ???

No sympathy here, either .... Dick & Jane didn't go up the hill so they could BOTH come down and become little soldiers ... (or sailors).

*edit* ... these problems did not exist -- obviously -- when the ladies did not try to emulate their male peers in the military and become little soldiers (sailors), too .... there's gotta be a lesson there, somewhere.
 
Steve Wilkins

Steve Wilkins

Teaching pigs to dance, one pig at a time.
None
Super Moderator
Contributor
A4sForever said:
Second Fmr1833's hard, tough advice .... but still they come looking for answers to ameliorate and/or extricate themselves from the proverbial self-inflicted gunshot wound ... ???

No sympathy here, either .... Dick & Jane didn't go up the hill so they could BOTH come down and become little soldiers ... (or sailors).

*edit* ... these problems did not exist -- obviously -- when the ladies did not try to emulate their male peers in the military and become little soldiers (sailors), too .... there's gotta be a lesson there, somewhere.
Click to expand...
I find myself agreeing with A4's more an more these days. It's giving me the shakes.
 
A4sForever

A4sForever

BTDT OLD GUY
pilot
Contributor
Left Eye Lewie said:
I find myself agreeing with A4's more an more these days. It's giving me the shakes.
Click to expand...
No problem-O, Steve-O ... it would have happened years sooner if you had only shed your SWO brain & shoes and ....

..... come toward the light

.... come to the light

.... come towards the light ..... :sleep_125

Me and Steve-O in that far, far better place ..... :)
stevemegz2.jpg
 
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