Awesome all around hilarious posts! My $0.02, I had a neighbor who liked to throw parties all the time day and night. Because the kid's parents were on the deed with him, I started calling the parents in the middle of the night advising them that they needed to quiet down and that the cops were coming. Of course the father yelled back that he was going to "Call your commanding officer you son-of-a-bich!". I told him that his phone call from jail shouldn't be wasted on something that would make my CO laugh.
