MarsOrBust
Member
Context: Marine currently in Primary as an SNA. Commissioned via NROTC. Unsure of what platform I want to fly. No prior flight time other than IFS. I've combed through the "Consolidated Advice for Primary" thread and the “Thinking of DORing” thread and they were pretty helpful. Please link other ones you think might be particularly helpful.
I understand training crushes a lot of people in a lot of different ways. For some it's an oppressive on-wing, op-tempo, relationships, studying, a bad flight or series of flights, personal issues, COVID restrictions, you guys know the list.
For me, I think I've been dealing with it OK, no better or worse than anyone else I think. Flying hasn't been excessively challenging to me and I've been performing decently. I'm anthro'd out of jets so I'm not freaking out about grades (too much). I get to live a pretty nice life all things considered. I know my job is cool and that flying is a privilege many would kill to have. However I've really had a rough time being motivated throughout training. The life that lays before me (assuming I complete training) is one filled with a lot of doom and gloom as I've been looking at it.
The other day I solo-ed for the first time and I seriously don't think I liked it as much as I should have. It was cool, but I was definitely shitting my pants for a good portion of the flight and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared for a bit. "Did I just overspeed my flaps? Of course I didn't, I've brought them up tons of times. Or did I?" "This is really congested airspace, when am I going to get my call in? Shit, I'm already at the numbers but some asshole on the ground won't stop asking to move beyond the hold short, I need to get cleared to break! TCAS is going off again, where's that PEL traffic? Fuck! I missed my time to make my call." "Where's that TCAS hit?" "Shit I'm way off course rules right now".
So, in essence, I got way more freaked out than I anticipated I'd be. Cue "well if that freaks you out, imagine this…” I know there is more in store for me. I think I just need to stick with it to get more experience and more comfortable with being uncomfortable. I did enjoy parts of it, my basic airwork was tighter at some points than it usually is and it definitely built some confidence that I could safely-ish operate the plane. But now I'm trying to figure out if my experience told me "Jets probably aren't for you" or "aviation isn't for you". I have no intention of DORing any time soon but I feel like I'm blindly pouring effort into something I'm not sure I'm into - like continuing to date someone you're too scared to break up with because “it might get better”.
I should say that I didn't go for this job to have a "cushy" stress free life. I get it. No matter what I do I'm always going to have parts of my job that I don't like/are stressful - that's life. What I'm asking about is the evolution of comfort in the air throughout this program - isn't flying supposed to be "the good part"?
I have a good group of friends and my onwing is cool so I intend on reaching out to them about this. What do you guys think? TL;DR Does it get better? If your motivation shifted during flight school, how did it and how did you handle it? What was your "light at the end of the tunnel"? When did this job "click" with you and made you think "this is right for me"? When did your skills and abilities outpace the emerging new challenges of flying and "fighting" your aircraft?
I understand training crushes a lot of people in a lot of different ways. For some it's an oppressive on-wing, op-tempo, relationships, studying, a bad flight or series of flights, personal issues, COVID restrictions, you guys know the list.
For me, I think I've been dealing with it OK, no better or worse than anyone else I think. Flying hasn't been excessively challenging to me and I've been performing decently. I'm anthro'd out of jets so I'm not freaking out about grades (too much). I get to live a pretty nice life all things considered. I know my job is cool and that flying is a privilege many would kill to have. However I've really had a rough time being motivated throughout training. The life that lays before me (assuming I complete training) is one filled with a lot of doom and gloom as I've been looking at it.
The other day I solo-ed for the first time and I seriously don't think I liked it as much as I should have. It was cool, but I was definitely shitting my pants for a good portion of the flight and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared for a bit. "Did I just overspeed my flaps? Of course I didn't, I've brought them up tons of times. Or did I?" "This is really congested airspace, when am I going to get my call in? Shit, I'm already at the numbers but some asshole on the ground won't stop asking to move beyond the hold short, I need to get cleared to break! TCAS is going off again, where's that PEL traffic? Fuck! I missed my time to make my call." "Where's that TCAS hit?" "Shit I'm way off course rules right now".
So, in essence, I got way more freaked out than I anticipated I'd be. Cue "well if that freaks you out, imagine this…” I know there is more in store for me. I think I just need to stick with it to get more experience and more comfortable with being uncomfortable. I did enjoy parts of it, my basic airwork was tighter at some points than it usually is and it definitely built some confidence that I could safely-ish operate the plane. But now I'm trying to figure out if my experience told me "Jets probably aren't for you" or "aviation isn't for you". I have no intention of DORing any time soon but I feel like I'm blindly pouring effort into something I'm not sure I'm into - like continuing to date someone you're too scared to break up with because “it might get better”.
I should say that I didn't go for this job to have a "cushy" stress free life. I get it. No matter what I do I'm always going to have parts of my job that I don't like/are stressful - that's life. What I'm asking about is the evolution of comfort in the air throughout this program - isn't flying supposed to be "the good part"?
I have a good group of friends and my onwing is cool so I intend on reaching out to them about this. What do you guys think? TL;DR Does it get better? If your motivation shifted during flight school, how did it and how did you handle it? What was your "light at the end of the tunnel"? When did this job "click" with you and made you think "this is right for me"? When did your skills and abilities outpace the emerging new challenges of flying and "fighting" your aircraft?