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Motivational Statement MEGA Thread

mrdrown

Member
Leaders have the unique responsibility of modeling discipline, commanding attention, proving credibility and motivating the individuals of their team to work cooperatively and efficiently. I have shown that I possess these abilities along with dedication and commitment through my work as a teacher. I support the mission of my school, a mission to educate young minds and facilitate their growth as individuals. When I step into my classroom each morning I am making a commitment to my students, my colleagues, and my community. I take this commitment very seriously and I know that I am in a position to make a difference. I’m making a promise to be a role model and represent my school in a way that maintains safety for our students and contributes to the morale of the school community and commitment to excellence. I’m committing to emulate the example set by my principal and support, abide by, and live up to our school’s mission. I am proud to be a member of our school team. I see and learn from the qualities in my supervisors and colleagues. In turn I exhibit these qualities, setting an example for both my colleagues and my students. Teaching has taught me the significance of putting others before myself, it has taught me the importance of teamwork, and it has taught me about camaraderie and working towards a common goal. I have learned to trust and rely on my team when I need them. I have learned to accept responsibility and commit to the duties I am assigned with focus and persistence. I have learned to appreciate the hard work and dedication my principal has put into our school and, without question, respect his authority in running it.

Our school has one common mission, however, each teacher provides the scaffolding for their students to reach that goal. In my classroom, I focus on community and the same qualities embodied in the Sailor’s Creed; Honor, courage, and commitment. I believe that with these qualities and the understanding of the importance of community, my students with be prepared to become young adults that will exhibit a good balance of bravery, drive, and humility.

It has always been natural for me to take on leadership roles in my jobs, hobbies, and in the community. I am outgoing, task oriented, and understand prioritizing, multi-tasking, and time management. I am sharply observant and care greatly that others are safe and feel valued. As a camp director I supervised 15 young counselors and over 100 campers. The goal of the camp was for the children to be safe and have fun. It was this role that truly taught me the importance of leading by modeling and exemplifying the qualities I was looking for my staff to develop. The success of the camp relied on all of us and I needed to set the example for my staff, the same way the recreation manager set an example for me. I was prepared to perform any duty I asked my staff to complete and I made sure that they understood that I was just as much a team member as I was their leader. I worked as hard as they did. All the while I kept the goal in mind and made sure we were always thinking of the safety and enjoyment of the campers first. This position also taught me the importance of effective evaluation and the balance between critical and respectful feedback. It was important for me that the camp lived up to its goals and to do this I needed my staff to uphold professional standards. Sometimes that meant addressing concerns with individuals, which wasn’t always easy. I found that presenting feedback directly in timely manner was usually met with receptivity. I then looked to my manager for feedback and was prepared to adapt as necessary based on the needs of the department and was ready to carry out changes and follow them through with my staff.

I have worked professionally as a teacher for five years and have enjoyed it very much. I am proud to have graduated dozens of 5th graders onto middle school and have been confident in their ability to be successful. I feel fortunate to have served my community in this capacity. The experience has given me the understanding of serving a larger purpose and putting others before myself. Leadership has given me a sense of direction and purpose. Knowing I’m responsible for the well-being of a group humbles me and helps me make smarter, more careful, and more efficient choices. If commissioned I will lead with confidence and humility and transfer the skills I have learned as a teacher to my work in the fleet. I will be prepared to expand my skill set and dedicate my energy to my work as a naval officer.

I have proven that I can find success in new endeavors. I am quick study. I am organized, analytical, self-reflective, and driven. As an adult I have looked for ways to gain new knowledge, try new things, and expose myself to new experiences. In the past few years I have run my own business, gone from never having run a road race to finishing a marathon, uprooted myself after living within two hours of my family my entire life, and taken on a volunteer role at an aquarium educating the public on issues that I first spent the time to educate myself on.

Many of the people I admire the most in my life proudly wear a uniform of the United States Armed Forces. I respect the bravery they possess and the mental and physical strength they exude. Few are brave enough to sacrifice their lives for the safety of their country. Even fewer are the select individuals willing to take on the responsibility of leadership. They make up an elite community that I want very much to be part of, a community that I would thrive in.

If given the opportunity to become a Naval Officer, I would wear the uniform with pride, honor and humility. I would accept the responsibilities handed down to me and hold myself to the highest standards and expectations. I would delegate tasks efficiently. I would do whatever it takes to live up to the standards set forth by the United States Navy. I would earn the honor and pride of the officer insignia through hard work and dedication. Most importantly, I am prepared to sacrifice my personal desires for the needs of my team and the Navy as a whole.
 

headinclouds

Active Member
Looking for a little advice. I am rewriting my motivational statement to no longer include aviation. I plan on applying for IW and Nuke. Do you think it would be best to just highlight my mathematics background and leave out the designators, or should I make some sort of reference to both of them?

Thanks in advance.
 

MikeMillerUK

Nearing the end of Primary
Contributor
Hopefully people still check out this thread; it looks like it hasn't received much attention recently. I'm just about finished with things on my end for my application, just have to lose a couple pounds before heading to MEPS and waiting to get things started with the security clearance investigation. The last thing I really need to do at this point is polish up my motivational statement. My recruiter said he thought my statement was pretty good and it flowed well, but I just want to make absolutely sure I'm submitting the best application I can. Please feel free to pick apart my statement, all feedback is welcome!

“Honor, Courage, Commitment.” I have always strived to live my life in a way that embodies these characteristics. My parents groomed me for a commitment to these ideals. Leading by example, they taught me the value of a hard day’s work and the importance of doing what is right instead of what is easy. They also taught me what it means to truly commit oneself to a purpose. I am a strongly motivated individual, and I constantly try to challenge myself to achieve at a high level. A career as a United States Naval Officer is one that lends itself well to people with these same strengths and motivations. It is a place that I know I can excel, and a place where I can truly challenge the limits of my determination.

I believe that the best leaders are able to inspire hard work and dedication in their subordinates; they don’t have to command it. This is the type of leader I know I can be under the Navy’s guidance. I have always tried to lead by example, and I hope that my own dedication and work ethic can inspire others to rise to the same level of excellence.

I also understand that the United States military is home to many of the brightest and hardest-working individuals that this country has to offer. In addition to leading, I would consider it an honor to follow those who have come before me and to learn from those who know more than me. The highest calling for me to aspire to is the chance to lead, follow, and serve the most honorable, courageous, and committed people the Navy has to offer.

I have always desired the chance to serve and to help people who need it. For a time, I aspired to be a doctor like my father before me, and his father before him. However, I now understand there is no higher call to service than one’s service to country and the men and women who would die to defend it. I am the kind of man who can honorably serve that purpose.
 

Mr Spenz

"Your brief saved your flight' - every IP
pilot
Hopefully people still check out this thread; it looks like it hasn't received much attention recently. I'm just about finished with things on my end for my application, just have to lose a couple pounds before heading to MEPS and waiting to get things started with the security clearance investigation. The last thing I really need to do at this point is polish up my motivational statement. My recruiter said he thought my statement was pretty good and it flowed well, but I just want to make absolutely sure I'm submitting the best application I can. Please feel free to pick apart my statement, all feedback is welcome!

“Honor, Courage, Commitment.” I have always strived to live my life in a way that embodies these characteristics. My parents groomed me for a commitment to these ideals. Leading by example, they taught me the value of a hard day’s work and the importance of doing what is right instead of what is easy. They also taught me what it means to truly commit oneself to a purpose. I am a strongly motivated individual, and I constantly try to challenge myself to achieve at a high level. A career as a United States Naval Officer is one that lends itself well to people with these same strengths and motivations. It is a place that I know I can excel, and a place where I can truly challenge the limits of my determination.

I believe that the best leaders are able to inspire hard work and dedication in their subordinates; they don’t have to command it. This is the type of leader I know I can be under the Navy’s guidance. I have always tried to lead by example, and I hope that my own dedication and work ethic can inspire others to rise to the same level of excellence.

I also understand that the United States military is home to many of the brightest and hardest-working individuals that this country has to offer. In addition to leading, I would consider it an honor to follow those who have come before me and to learn from those who know more than me. The highest calling for me to aspire to is the chance to lead, follow, and serve the most honorable, courageous, and committed people the Navy has to offer.

I have always desired the chance to serve and to help people who need it. For a time, I aspired to be a doctor like my father before me, and his father before him. However, I now understand there is no higher call to service than one’s service to country and the men and women who would die to defend it. I am the kind of man who can honorably serve that purpose.
You're telling them you want to be a Naval Officer. Most of this can be compressed into one paragraph. What are your experiences to back this up (academics, personal, athletics)? Everyone applying wants to be a Naval Officer but you have to give them reason to why you would make a good officer and that comes from past experiences. You talk about leadership, now give them examples of your experience with leadership. Also unless the application says there is a word count don't focus on condensing it to 400 words. Mine was in the 1,000 range and I provided multiple brief personal experiences.
 

reFLYluwasch

Member
pilot
Hopefully people still check out this thread; it looks like it hasn't received much attention recently. I'm just about finished with things on my end for my application, just have to lose a couple pounds before heading to MEPS and waiting to get things started with the security clearance investigation. The last thing I really need to do at this point is polish up my motivational statement. My recruiter said he thought my statement was pretty good and it flowed well, but I just want to make absolutely sure I'm submitting the best application I can. Please feel free to pick apart my statement, all feedback is welcome!

“Honor, Courage, Commitment.” I have always strived to live my life in a way that embodies these characteristics. My parents groomed me for a commitment to these ideals. Leading by example, they taught me the value of a hard day’s work and the importance of doing what is right instead of what is easy. They also taught me what it means to truly commit oneself to a purpose. I am a strongly motivated individual, and I constantly try to challenge myself to achieve at a high level. A career as a United States Naval Officer is one that lends itself well to people with these same strengths and motivations. It is a place that I know I can excel, and a place where I can truly challenge the limits of my determination.

I believe that the best leaders are able to inspire hard work and dedication in their subordinates; they don’t have to command it. This is the type of leader I know I can be under the Navy’s guidance. I have always tried to lead by example, and I hope that my own dedication and work ethic can inspire others to rise to the same level of excellence.

I also understand that the United States military is home to many of the brightest and hardest-working individuals that this country has to offer. In addition to leading, I would consider it an honor to follow those who have come before me and to learn from those who know more than me. The highest calling for me to aspire to is the chance to lead, follow, and serve the most honorable, courageous, and committed people the Navy has to offer.

I have always desired the chance to serve and to help people who need it. For a time, I aspired to be a doctor like my father before me, and his father before him. However, I now understand there is no higher call to service than one’s service to country and the men and women who would die to defend it. I am the kind of man who can honorably serve that purpose.

Great intentions in this. Did you want to serve as an officer in the medical corps? My advice would be to tie in examples where you made a quantifiable, positive change in any leadership positions, jobs, sports, etc. Good luck.
 

MikeMillerUK

Nearing the end of Primary
Contributor
Mr Spenz: Thank you, I did try to keep the word count close to 400; I'll do what I can to work in some more specific examples.

reFLYluwasch: I appreciate the kind words. I never considered serving in the medical corps; never knew much about it, let alone that it even existed. The advice seems to be the same as above, sounds like I'll definitely be well served trying to tie in specific examples of my leadership experiences and abilities. Thanks guys.
 

MikeMillerUK

Nearing the end of Primary
Contributor
I've taken some time to try and edit my original draft. Let me know what you guys think about the new edits. One thing in particular I'm unsure of is including high school academic information... I'm not entirely sure the review boards would see that as relevant info instead of "fluff." Happy to hear more feedback!

“Honor, Courage, Commitment.” I have always strived to live my life in a way that embodies these characteristics. My parents groomed me for a commitment to these ideals. Leading by example, they taught me the value of a hard day’s work and the importance of doing what is right instead of what is easy. They also taught me what it means to truly commit oneself to a purpose. I am a strongly motivated individual, and I constantly try to challenge myself to achieve at a high level. A career as a United States Naval Officer is one that lends itself well to people with these same strengths and motivations. The Navy is a place where I know I can excel, and a place where I can truly challenge the limits of my determination.

When I was 7 years old, I began a swimming career that spanned 13 years. My time spent in the sport gave me the opportunities I needed to prove my commitment to excellence. At the age of 12, I posted times that were the best in the country within my age group, and staked my claim as one of the best swimmers in the country. Within a year, I was humbled by injuries that kept me out of the water for an extended period. Through this hardship, I learned the value of working hard to achieve success instead of relying on one’s innate abilities and talents. I now pride myself on having persevered through these struggles, and I was ultimately rewarded with multiple state championships, multiple All-American times, and a scholarship to swim for a Division One SEC school. While I placed a heavy focus on success in my swimming career, I also managed to maintain a high level of academic success, earning a 34 on my ACT and graduating with a high school GPA of 3.81. I have learned many things through my successes and bitter disappointments, and I am a better man for it.

I believe that the best leaders are able to inspire hard work and dedication in their subordinates; they don’t have to command it. This is the type of leader I know I can be under the Navy’s guidance. I have always tried to lead by example, and I have seen that my own dedication and work ethic can inspire others to rise to the same level of excellence. Through my own personal successes and determination, I have inspired at least one other person to pursue a higher standard of work. I became an unofficial mentor to a young swimmer who spent two years watching me train and compete. When he had difficult days and didn’t want to keep pushing himself, I empathized with him and told him that we all have those days, but also told him that the people who embrace hardship as an opportunity to improve are the ones who rise above and beyond mediocrity. While I certainly don’t take any credit for his success, this young man has matured into one of the youngest and fastest swimmers in the state of Ohio, and I remain in contact with him weekly.

I also understand that the United States military is home to many of the brightest and hardest-working individuals that this country has to offer. In addition to leading, I would consider it an honor to follow those who have come before me and to learn from those who know more than me. The highest calling for me to aspire to is the chance to lead, follow, and serve the honorable, courageous, and committed people of the Navy.

I have always desired the chance to serve and to help people who need it. For a time, I aspired to be a doctor like my father before me, and his father before him. However, I now understand there is no higher call to service than one’s service to country and the men and women who would die to defend it. I am the kind of man who can honorably serve that purpose.
 

Fronch

OCS 03-15 (IW)
I've taken some time to try and edit my original draft. Let me know what you guys think about the new edits. One thing in particular I'm unsure of is including high school academic information... I'm not entirely sure the review boards would see that as relevant info instead of "fluff." Happy to hear more feedback!
Hey, Mike, thanks for sharing this. I'm no expert, but I can give you my two cents.

First I'd say to cut out the some of the "ancient history" stuff; I don't imagine that they care much about your high school GPA, for example. I'd try to include more details or more examples of how you have overcome adversity, and how you have exhibited leadership qualities. How have your experiences (in college or at work) shaped you and prepared you to lead? What specific skills have you developed that make you a valuable asset for the Navy? Try to see the selection process from the board's point of view: every applicant has a strong desire to serve, otherwise they wouldn't be applying. Focus less on why you want to join the Navy and more on why the Navy needs you.

Good luck!
 

NAVY680

New Member
Would anyone be willing to look over my statement and offer any suggestions? If possible id like to have at least one person eyeball it before I post it. Thanks!
 

vladivostok391

Lieutenant, U.S. Navy
Would anyone be willing to look over my statement and offer any suggestions? If possible id like to have at least one person eyeball it before I post it. Thanks!

Absolutely man, PM it this way if you like... Always good to have multiple sets of eyeballs check something as impt as this.
 

MikeMillerUK

Nearing the end of Primary
Contributor
Would anyone be willing to look over my statement and offer any suggestions? If possible id like to have at least one person eyeball it before I post it. Thanks!
I'd be more than happy to check it out for you, too. I just recently finished up my own. Send me a PM and I'll take a look for you.
 

Leetwo

Active Member
pilot
Seems like this is the thread for motivational statement overhauls. This is my first pass at my statement -- I'd like to add a paragraph about leadership, but ran out of steam. Please rip it apart as you see fit. I appreciate any advice and thoughts:

I am pursuing the U.S. Navy to train and qualify as an officer. The thought of beginning a Navy career started with a Civil Air Patrol senior member asking, “Have you ever considered applying to be an officer?” and slowly grew to self questioning of “Why haven’t I considered becoming a career military officer?” I started to research each of the services and the Navy resonated with me the most. The retired Navy officers I’ve talked with have firmly stated their work in the Navy was by far the most challenging and also the most satisfying. I can meet these challenges and make them my accomplishments.

I chose chemical engineering as a major because the subject was interesting and challenging. I fueled this challenge with the addition of synthetic organic chemistry research and working as a chemistry teaching assistant/tutor through my tenure in college. While the combined workload (above the normal engineering curriculum) involved late nights and occasional moments of self-doubt I enjoyed the academic work. I felt if a challenge was worth undertaking I had to throw myself at it. I judge the Navy poses challenges I can deliberately attack with 110% of my ability and focus.

One aspect of the armed services I value is the service to the community. I believe every individual owes a social debt to their peers and to their community. I am a second generation citizen. My father, born/ raised in Vietnam, told me stories about the lack of civil liberties he had growing up and how the US really is the land of the free (cliché withstanding). I have traveled with my father to Vietnam where I saw and experienced this lack of liberty first hand, and that rekindled my sense of citizenship to the US. I feel obligated to defend and exercise these freedoms.

I have always striven to serve my community. In high school, I volunteered my time and expertise to find computer security breaches in the network as well as serve on the technology board. I continued to volunteer throughout college with search and rescue getting up early in the morning or late at night to help find a lost person in the rugged NM backcountry. I branched off after graduation to Civil Air Patrol combining both my love of aviation with search and rescue experience/qualifications by helping with maintenance of the CAP planes and helping to provide aerial support to NM search and rescue. I believe the Navy is a natural furtherance of my service to my community.

In closing, I feel compelled to challenge myself and to serve my county – the US Navy is the best option for my long term career aspirations. I believe my technical background, drive, and persistence will serve the Navy and my country well.

Respectfully,

My name
 

kstrick7

New Member
I'm in the final stages of working on my package (main focus is on the IDC designators) and was looking for some feedback on my MS. I'm mainly worried about length (my OR suggested 3-4 paragraphs) and sounding to much like a resume. Any thoughts are appreciated. Thanks!

During the summer of 2011 I was taking a course in film editing at <University A name> as an aspiring film composer when I found myself asking “What am I doing here?” I had left a pre-med curriculum at <University B name> to attend <University A name> to study music, but this new direction was not fulfilling to me. It was not challenging and most importantly, I felt that I was not making an impact in this world. Operation Enduring Freedom was in full effect and young men and women were fighting for their country while I was sitting at a computer all day, but I wanted to be out there with my fellow patriots, fighting for freedom, putting a positive mark on the world. At this moment I decided to pursue a career in the military.
I kept my commitment to my education and graduated in December 2011, one year earlier than expected. Two months later I began working in the deli department at <food store name>, quickly taking on new challenges and responsibilities to work my way up to become the deli manager within a few months. I found myself in charge of the welfare of eight employees when I realized this is what I wanted to do: lead people. I knew I wanted to be a military officer, but I did not know which branch of service and career field best fit my experiences and goals in order to produce a successful career.
There is a strong military tradition in my family dating back to the Civil War with ancestors and family members serving the United States in the Army, Navy, and Marine Corps throughout the years. When I had a conversation with my cousin currently serving in the Navy, I knew which branch I would be serving in. Surface Warfare and Information Warfare are most appealing as more technical Naval careers where I can use the skills I am learning while pursing a second degree in mathematics to protect the United States, her allies and our military, develop myself physically and mentally, become a better leader, and pursue higher education, while also guiding, mentoring, motivating, and leading young Sailors every day.
Leading up to this decision, I have been honorable, serviced my community, and was given leadership opportunities. I have always been disciplined and honorable with my studies; by attending all necessary classes, never cheating, and studying hard for my exams, I have earned myself places on multiple Dean’s Lists and a Provost’s List for earning a 4.0 GPA. Before my first semester of college commenced, I volunteered for the First-Year Student Outreach Project. I spent a week learning about the threat of hunger around the world and volunteered at farms in and around Boston, acquiring an appreciation for these people’s work and the impact they are having on the community. Later on, I volunteered to teach at an after-school science program, volunteered with the American Red Cross, and helped out local EMTs on ambulance rides. I hope to influence my fellow sailors to service their communities where there are people who always need help and to broaden their views on the world and their humanitarian mission as members of the U.S. Navy. Leadership is something I have not shied away from in the past few years. At <University B name> I was my dormitory’s Floor Representative to the Residence Hall Association where I helped make our 40 person dormitory a better living space. During my sophomore year, I was the section leader of the Concert Band, responsible for making sure my section arrived to group lessons and knew their parts before a performance. And when I had an original composition of mine performed in 2010, I led the ensemble to work together to make the performance a success. My greatest opportunity to learn leadership so far has been through my work at <food store name>. During my time as a departmental supervisor at the store, I truly learned what it meant to put my employees first and direct them through daily tasks while working together as a team to complete our job. Daily, I listened to their concerns so I could make our work environment a better place; creating a training manual for our newest employees, handling customer service issues, and being a trusted employee that they can be sure will know the answer to any problem.
Even as the war winds down in the Middle East, there will always be a need for a forward deployed naval force to deter aggressors and enemies of the United States and her allies. My commitment to become a Naval officer has not wavered depending on current international issues. As a commissioned Naval officer, I will lead with respect for my fellow Sailors and encourage myself and those I am in command of to reach their maximum potential. I will lead by example, follow rules, and take accountability for my actions, while also being selfless, decisive, and loyal to the U.S. Navy and the mission at hand. As a United States Naval officer, I will set the example for conduct in my unit, instill the importance of teamwork, and motivate my fellow Sailors to accomplish our mission with honor, courage, and commitment, always, and without fault.
 

Fronch

OCS 03-15 (IW)
I'm in the final stages of working on my package (main focus is on the IDC designators) and was looking for some feedback on my MS. I'm mainly worried about length (my OR suggested 3-4 paragraphs) and sounding to much like a resume. Any thoughts are appreciated. Thanks!
I think you're focusing way too much on your internal motivations rather than the skills and abilities that would make you an outstanding candidate for selection. It looks like you've done a lot of great things, but it all kind of gets lost in the midst of all the "I really want to be in the Navy" stuff.
 

kstrick7

New Member
I think you're focusing way too much on your internal motivations rather than the skills and abilities that would make you an outstanding candidate for selection. It looks like you've done a lot of great things, but it all kind of gets lost in the midst of all the "I really want to be in the Navy" stuff.

Thanks for the feedback. I'll definitely keep working on it
 
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