Wow, lots of questions...I'll answer a few.
Family in flight training is both a burden and a blessing. I graduated from OCS when my wife was 38 weeks pregnant. We had our first kid while I was in A-Pool for API. I had the opportunity to see my son born at the Pensacola NH, and had minimal responsibilities until I started API in late May. When we moved to Vance AFB I had on base housing. The military paid for the move as it is a PCS move; DLA, Dity, Travel, the whole works.
Primary was probably the hardest with family. I would go stretches of 3 days without seeing my son, and didn't really have the energy to be a good dad. I was pretty stressed by flight school (I'm not a natural pilot) and had to work pretty hard to make it through. The bonus to having a family was the extra incentive to make it through. If I had failed I wasn't just letting myself down, I was failing my Family. My wife busted her butt making life easier for me at home (as a good wife should!) making sure the dishes were done/house cleaned/home stressors removed. I had a buddy there in Primary whose wife was not as helpful (she was a heinous bitch, to tell the truth) and he ended up DOR'ing in advanced.
While in Vance, I managed to create another curtain climber (oops!) and we moved to Corpus Christi while my wife was 32 weeks pregnant. That is not a fun move. Again, DLA/Dity/Travel money was paid. I lived on base again in Corpus; I would not recommend it to my worst enemy. Live out in town or on the Island. We had Pickle Jr. #2 while I was in advanced and the command worked with me to get me the time off. We had my daughter Wednesday morning (I had flown Tuesday) and was back on the Flight schedule the next Tuesday. Lots of support from VT-35, I took the time I needed to go to Dr.'s appointments and take care of kids when shit got hectic. Had the mother in law come down for 3 weeks, that really helped out so I could get through review stage. Also had the old croth-lobotomy at the same time. Take more than 3 days off for that one, just a suggestion.
Moved to Jax wth 2 kids, a dog, a cat, and 2 vehicles. Again made DLA/Travel/Dity money. VP-30 has been great for letting me SNIV for days I need, and the wife has been really good (most days) about taking care of the kids...and sometimes she even manages to do the laundry.
We will be moving Thursday to NAS Whidbey WA...PCS move #7 in 5 1/2 years in the Navy. Hopefully all goes well (and yes, again, we are getting paid to move) and we get to stay somewhere for 3 years.
Family in the military is good. They help you, and give you something to work for. Flight school (well primary) having a family added stress, but it was worth it. After you start advanced it was really not a big deal (you get plenty of time off in flight school) and at the RAG I have wanted to fly just to get out of the house.
Manage your time well, your money better, and remember that your family should come before the military. That gets lost sometimes in the rush of things...family comes first!
Pickle