Marine Humour

[rjmayer]

So I've got a lot of friends in AFROTC and NROTC and we're always making jokes about each other's branches. It's all in good fun and we all have plenty of respect for anyone that is in the military. Recently they've had some good ones for the Marines, thought I'd share and get some laughs.

Marine stands for: Muscles Are Required Intelligence Not Essential
or My A** Rides In Navy Escorts

Lately, their funniest and most simple one is just to walk up and say "Choke Yourself!"

Post some more if you got them. Plus some ammunition against the Navy and AF would be appreciated too.

 

[exhelodrvr]

So I've got a lot of friends in AFROTC and NROTC and we're always making jokes about each other's branches. It's all in good fun and we all have plenty of respect for anyone that is in the military. Recently they've had some good ones for the Marines, thought I'd share and get some laughs.

Marine stands for: Muscles Are Required Intelligence Not Essential
or My A** Rides In Navy Escorts

Lately, their funniest and most simple one is just to walk up and say "Choke Yourself!"

Post some more if you got them. Plus some ammunition against the Navy and AF would be appreciated too.

Well, it's great to see that the Marines don't waste time learning how to spell.

 

[Lobster]

Plus some ammunition against the Navy and AF would be appreciated too.

Probably won't get too much about the Navy...and by the way, the best type of marine....is a submarine.

 

[FENIAN]

Probably won't get too much about the Navy...and by the way, the best type of marine....is a submarine.

Not too aware of the particular forum, are you?

To us, the word Navy is in and of itself, a joke.

We don't need a visual of Glen Quagmire dancing with a swab or a picture of a Fat Female AF COL to render a proper chuckle.

Although we don't have commercials ADVERTISING playing with remote control "weapons of warfare" nor do we have slogans such as "FULL SPEED 4HEAD" or "INTO THE BLEW". But I can imagine handing a sailor and an airman a pistol and telling them to take 10 steps in the opposite direction and fire, knowing full well that 10 minutes will go by with out either of them knowing how to fully operate the pistol.

Navy. We can all have a laugh.
Not as much as the Chair Force, though.

EDIT: I knew I would hurt someone's feelings...

 

[HAL Pilot]

FENIAN - to many of us on this site (including many of the Marines) - YOU are in and of yourself a joke. You're an idiot know-it-all 2nd LT with delusions of grandeur who thinks a couple of years in the reserves qualifies him as an experienced Mustang.

Marine joke? FENIAN

Yut Yut Devil Dog.


Edit: Posted 17 minutes ago and already two positive rep hits - both from Marines.

 

[HueyCobra8151]

Bottom line: In America, humor is spelled humor.

The jokes you are throwing out were old back when Christ was a Corporal, they aren't getting any fresher.

Oh yeah, if you haven't spent a day on active duty in your life, you probably aren't going to get a lot of traction making fun of people who have.

 

[ACowboyinTexas]

Bottom line: In America, humor is spelled humor.


Oh yeah, if you haven't spent a day on active duty in your life, you probably aren't going to get a lot of traction making fun of people who have.

OK, Hopefully 20 years AD, and a lot of time training with the beloved Corps will give this one enough traction. I'll use a Marine, but you can substitute the tent-livin', snake-eatin', mud-lovin grunt of your choice:

Marine stumbles out of a bar at 0200 and sees a nun handing out pamphlets under a streetlight. He goes straight up to her, kicks her in the gut and when she doubles over, smashes her on the back of the head, saying, "Not tougher than a Marine, are ya Batman!?!"

I keed.

 

[HAL Pilot]

There was a little kid in a public bathroom standing at a urinal with a Marine on one side and a Sailor on the other. The kid looks up to the Marine and says "Gee sir, are you really a Marine?"

The Marine says "I sure am", takes his cover off and puts it on the kid's head.

The kid looks to the Sailor and says "Gee sir, are you really a Sailor?"

The Sailor says "I sure am...want to suck my dick?"

The kid responds "No, I'm not really a Marine. I'm just wearing one's hat....."

 

[HueyCobra8151]

So you freely admit that most sailors go into public mens rooms with the intention of getting BJs.

 

[FLY_USMC]

I've been around the Navy enough that I have a pretty good respect for their training, their equipment, and their people. I was very impressed with the Sailors I met on the Stennis as well as the Eisenhower, and I wasn't even on either for any length of time.

The Chair Force has it's goods and it's bads. If you search this forum hard enough you'll find my story about a run in with a d-bag of a KC-135 pilot at an airshow I had. To this day I hate tanker Pilots because of him. My answer to his rambling was, "with all do respect sir, we can take this outside and finish it, or you can shut the fu%k up."

I don't make fun of other services in public....sober. And it's only good when I'm drunk in which case I usually don't remember what I said anyways.

 

[FlyMikeFly]

SgtMaj and the Coed

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major and asked,
'Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very Serious man. Is something bothering you?'
'Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature.'
The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, ''It looks like you have seen a lot of action?''
''Yes, ma'am, a lot of action.'
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said,
'You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself.'
The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.
Finally the young lady said, 'You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?' '
'1955,' he replied.
'Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need To chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955!
She took his hand and led him to a private room where
she proceeded to 'relax' him several times.
Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest
and Said, 'Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955.'
The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his watch, 'I hope not; it's only 2130 now.'

 

[FENIAN]

An old sailor once told me, "You know three things that are worthless to a sailor? Half a tank of fuel, the runway behind you, and the f*cking Marine Corps."
He looked at my stern face and said, "What? Did I hurt your feelings?"
Way to keep a guy in check.

Professionally, I have a great deal of family and friends in all services and while we have a great amount of respect for each other, we'll still knock on the other services in a comedic manner. I'll make a SEAL joke to my best friend and he'll make a Jarhead joke. And no, our feelings don't get hurt.

 

[BurghGuy]

A Marine is walking down a road and sees a young boy playing with a small pile of dog shit. He asks the kid what he's doing and he replies "Sir, I'm making a Sailor." The Marine chuckles a bit, and in an effort to get him to leave the dog turd alone, he says "Son, why don't you make a Marine?" The kid replied "Sir, I tried, but my dog only shits so fast."

 

[brownshoe]

To us, the word Navy is in and of itself, a joke.

FENIAN your “knocking” sounded flippant, at least I thought that it did (I see others agree). I was a Sailor, and I’m damned proud of it! I was one bomb loadin’, gun armin’ Navy guy (did lots of other stuff too). Sure, we teased each other (Jarheads and Squids) but it was all in fun. BTW, FENIAN, my father was a Marine, 6th, WW II, and he didn’t think of me as being a joke because I was a Squid.

If I were you, I’d get a bit more “salt” on me before I’d call any branch of the service a joke.

Steve

Edit: Oh yeah… Fuck you!

 

[rjmayer]

I was afraid of opening a can of worms with this thread. Try and keep this stuff light hearted. At the end of the day, we're all on the same side.


Semper Fi