Inter-service relationship (Navy and AF aviators) can it be done?

[Weepandsweep]

Lots of words so TLDR:
I’m dating an Air Force CSO, could our relationship work if become a naval aviator or NFO?

So the last year I have been applying to OCS, I work as a school counselor at a middle school I have not told anyone in my life about this since I didn’t want anyone’s options, I had to do it for me. Of course, life works in mysterious ways and over the last 6 months I started dating an guy, thought it was going to be a short term thing but turns out he is the male version of me. One problem, he is about to start training as a CSO in the Air Force and go to OTS (they have some long wait times to go to OTS lol) I want to go rated (Pilot or NFO but probably NFO bc I don’t think I’ll get a vision waiver for pilot) and have had this dream well before meeting him. Is there a way to make this work? Co-locate during my sea tour potentially? I know it may not even last forever, but I want to try. I have felt a call to serve my whole life but I think I will get out after my commitment and start a family probably. I understand especially in the Navy there’s a view of “Navy above all, including family” but I just want to know if this has been done in the past and feasibility.

 

[FormerRecruitingGuru]

Of course, life works in mysterious ways and over the last 6 months I started dating an guy

Guys come and go (for your case), ditto with girls. I'm not saying dump him, but I wouldn't make life / career decisions over a relatively short relationship.

I wouldn't bank on being assigned to the same location for a while, like a few years if not more.

 

[Weepandsweep]

Guys come and go (for your case), ditto with girls. I'm not saying dump him, but I wouldn't make life / career decisions over a relatively short relationship.

I wouldn't bank on being assigned to the same location for a while, like a few years if not more.

Oh I wholeheartedly agree, I am not going to change any of my plans or let some guy dictate my life. I am not even sure what he would think of the idea of continuing if I got a slot (that’s a conversation we can have when I get in). I am willing to do long distance, even for years, but who knows if he is or if we would really handle it. But if schedules align (which again, cannot bank on) we may have a couple months to a year together in Pensacola, get closer and want to continue. My hope is to just keep going until it stops working. However, if it’s just straight up not feasible that’s something I want to consider as well.

 

[Brett327]

Oh I wholeheartedly agree, I am not going to change any of my plans or let some guy dictate my life. I am not even sure what he would think of the idea of continuing if I got a slot (that’s a conversation we can have when I get in). I am willing to do long distance, even for years, but who knows if he is or if we would really handle it. But if schedules align (which again, cannot bank on) we may have a couple months to a year together in Pensacola, get closer and want to continue. My hope is to just keep going until it stops working. However, if it’s just straight up not feasible that’s something I want to consider as well.

Follow your dream and roll the dice... just be prepared to not ever be collocated.

 

[Swanee]

You never know until you try.

For the relationship to survive you have to talk to him about this. Perhaps he's all about it. Maybe he won't be. If he's not, you have a decision to make.

The right person won't make you give up on your dreams to be with them. You'll support them in theirs as much as they support you in yours.

When you're old and grey, will you resent someone because they stopped you from taking a path that you really wanted to? If so, you don't want that person to be your spouse.

 

[zippy]

Lots of words so TLDR:
I’m dating an Air Force CSO, could our relationship work if become a naval aviator or NFO?

So the last year I have been applying to OCS, I work as a school counselor at a middle school I have not told anyone in my life about this since I didn’t want anyone’s options, I had to do it for me. Of course, life works in mysterious ways and over the last 6 months I started dating an guy, thought it was going to be a short term thing but turns out he is the male version of me. One problem, he is about to start training as a CSO in the Air Force and go to OTS (they have some long wait times to go to OTS lol) I want to go rated (Pilot or NFO but probably NFO bc I don’t think I’ll get a vision waiver for pilot) and have had this dream well before meeting him. Is there a way to make this work? Co-locate during my sea tour potentially? I know it may not even last forever, but I want to try. I have felt a call to serve my whole life but I think I will get out after my commitment and start a family probably. I understand especially in the Navy there’s a view of “Navy above all, including family” but I just want to know if this has been done in the past and feasibility.

Honestly, there’s about zero chance of colocation outside of initial training, obscure shore tours (for you) and if you both get assigned to DC at the same time (around 15-17 years from now).

Your best bet making things work long term is both being in the same service.

 

[taxi1]

Friends were Army and Coast Guard, married. Guess how often they were colocated? Yet they made it work. The pentagon/DC is the one commonality, in fact, I think they met there. One’s retired now. The other one will be soon.

Funny story, we had a SWO LT going through flight training. His wife was an Air Force pilot (they met in ROTC at their school) and flew in for the winging. She was in the back in her bag, hanging with us instructors, when she got called up by our CO to receive a plaque that said Navy Wife - Toughest Job In The Navy.

Awesome.

 

[Rockriver]

Touchy subject, but since you're asking for input...

Any issues, conflicts, or compromises a couple has in a relationship will increase at some point during the course of any long-term commitment or marriage. The future you've described already has one or two strikes against it.

Ensure that things are really good before you make a serious emotional commitment and then expect to be challenged later. And always, always have serious discussions about life goals, family/in-laws, children, sex, money, and religion, before you enter into a marriage. Your dreams may not align.

Don't ask me how I know.

 

[Roger_Waveoff]

It's going to be tough, even if both of you are mature and have some serious conversations about implications and expectations for the future. There is almost nowhere you could be co-located until after your first operational tours. So depending on how quickly you get this NFO ball rolling, you could enjoy maybe 1 year together in Pensacola, then you're off to the FRS, he's off to the B-course, and then you're off to your first squadron tours.

Bottom line: you're looking at a MINIMUM of 4 years long distance before your detailers (or whatever they call the USAF equivalent) can even have a conversation about putting you together back in Pensacola as instructors, or for a joint staff tour somewhere. Not saying it can't be done, just understand how much time and distance apart you're signing up for.

Also, just being real with you, flight school is WAY more fun when you're single. That goes for guys and girls.

 

[croakerfish]

Honestly you might be better off applying for the Air Force. At least then you could eventually catch up and COLO is massively easier. You can apply for the AF without withdrawing your Navy package.