Help!

[wildflyin69]

Hi everybody, I need some advice. I'm in the process of building an application to be an SNA. While it is my dream to be an aviator in the military, my girlfriend is not so happy with this idea. She told me she doesn't think she can cope with the idea of me being away so often, me being shot at, or her being far away from her family. She also doesn't believe that we would have any sort of a healthy family life. I think we would have a healthy family life, it just wouldn't be a conventional one. I won't give up my chance to be a marine pilot but I don't want to give her up either. Is there anything I can do to calm her fears? How do all of you cope with your signifigant others being away?

 

[DevilDucksGirl]

Well, WildFlyin- it isn't easy. I know what you're talking about. I was feeling the same things as she is about a year and a half ago when I met Greg. I think it depends on the relationship you two have now. I had to decide whether he was worth it or not. From the moment I met Greg, I knew he was the one for me. It was just like the movies- you meet and boom, that is it. I had this uncanny attraction to him that I couldn't pull away from if I tried. I have always been up for adventure, and I have always been fond of men in uniform (particularly military men), so with all those things, then decision was easy. Well, it wasn't EASY persay, but I knew that in order for him to be happy this is what he needed to do, and in order for me to be happy, he needed to be happy. See, unconditional love is 100% support of the other. He supports me, and I support him. Now, we talk about the details, and in fact when I see him in three and a half weeks, we will talk some more. (He is in class 18-03, in week three- and the DO is April 5.) I guess what I'm trying to say is, she has to be a strong woman to endure this type of lifestyle. It isn't for everyone. In fact, I didn't think it was for me, but I made it for me. There are things you can do to keep yourself busy. I for one anticipate my next visit with him, and plan that, or I work on my crafty things, or I just sit down and write him a letter. Letters are important (as you will find out) and he and I share everything, and I like to still be able to do that. So, my letters are what links us- and the weekend telephone calls.

You have to take it one step at a time. First it was waiting to see if he would be accepted, then waiting for an OCS date, now it is waiting until OCS is over, then I'll worry about API, Primary, etc. Anything could happen between now and then, and who knows!? I don't think you should give up your career dreams, but I don't think you should give up on her too. If she loves you unconditionally she will find the strength within herself to make it. Is there anything you can do to calm her!? Sure there is! Just continue to remind her how important she is in all of this, and that your happiness is void without her. Everyone has their own way of coping. This place here is one of the best, because there women AND men that are coping w/ their husbands/wives/boyfriends/girlfriends being away. She'll find some great people here- all she has to do is sign on and learn. Learning about how things work is power. I would be very lonely and very lost if I had no knowledge of what Greg is going through. I think she'll really feel much better if she learns about what all you're going to be doing and how this will affect your lives together. A great book is the Navy Spouse's Guide. I found it on amazon.com.
Ok, enough babling on my part. PM me if you have any more questions! There are a ton more sites and more literature out there she can turn to for great info! You'll be her best info. source too! Good luck to you both!

Heather

Supporting my Ducky in the Navy

 

[JenniH]

(First of all, sorry this is so long!!)
My husband just started OCS and will be an SNA. We've been married over 4 years, have a daughter and a boy on the way. I've always known he'd be going into the military and it was a just part of my committment to him to be able to have his dream career. It was just in the past couple of years that he decided for sure he wanted to be and aviator and I know that I would not be happy if I made an ultimatum about him not doing it.
I won't lie and tell you that I don't worry about all the risks and I know that the times he will be away will be tough...as it is now with him at OCS for so many weeks. However, the military will take care of you and your family as best they can. It may not be a "9 to 5" job, but other than being deployed, you will not be away too often. I don't know your girlfriend and I can understand her apprehension, but I feel that if she is going to be committed to you, that means she needs to be committed to your career goal. Not being married or engaged I would advise you to take a long look at the options before you...will you be happier pursuing your dream with her not completely behind you, or do you want to appease her always wondering what might have been?

It's a toughy. And I hope I haven't sounded too opinionated or "against" her...I do feel that couples should try to work things out. But I more strongly feel that she should stand with you and help you with your dream.

As far as coping with my husband being away...he as only be gone a short time and I am just keeping busy. It's hard thinking about my little girl (not quite 2) because I wonder if she misses him or just doesn't realize how much time goes by. She seems fine though. I guess I worry more about her...I'll be fine--the weeks will be over one day and we will be back together. You just accept that separation is apart of military life. And if it comes down to it, you don't have to make a 20 yr career out of it...just spend your 6 yrs (or whatever the marines require) and move on to something else...maybe that will make you both happy. Anyway, good luck and God bless!

"Whether you think you can or cannot, you are probably right." -Henry Ford

www.Fly-Navy.com

 

[AndysGirl]

When I met my boyfriend he was trying to get into any branch that would take him, he is a pilot and wanted to fly anything. So I knew from the get go what was to be expected. When the Navy accepted him and it was all said and done, I never doubted my support for his decision. I know that while he is doing this because it is what he wants, he is also doing it for us. I know that he would be unhappy being a flight instructor making crap, waiting to join an airline, and that would make me unhappy. I also know that if the roles were reversed, he would want me to go after my dream, whatever it would be and he would be there to support me every step of the way. You can't make her decide one way or another, she has to decide that for herself. If you are honest and tell her that you love her, need her and her support, and want to share your dream with her, she will make the right decision.

Good luck and keep faith!

Go Navy

 

[wildflyin69]

Hi everybody, thanks so much for your help! My girlfriend and I have been friends for a few years before we started dating, so I think it made us strong enough to work through all this. We're doing a short 3 month, long distance thing right now (she's teaching in Connecticut, and I'm finishing up school in Buffalo, NY) so we'll see how everything works out in the future. Thanks again for all your help.

 

[megan620]

I already PM'd you a short novel on the topic....but just as a side note, I agree with what every one of the wonderful ladies have said on here! It is a tough choice, but if you two can figure our a way to make it work, the experience will bond you more tightly than you could imagine! Oh yeah, and if she's a teacher, she gets lots of holidays off and the summers (for most schools anyways) so that would make visits very easy compared to most jobs while you are in training! Also, what could at least taking the tests and applying hurt? You aren't committed until you swear in, and by then you'll have more time to talk about what the both of you want to happen! Good luck on your decision!

 

[Valion310]

My mom and dad both agree on this thought. (He was a career AF Fight pilot, my mom is a 20+ year military wife.)

For the ladies:
"Never, ever, ever make him choose between you and the airplane. You will always lose."

For the guys:
"You can pick up other girls with the airplane, but you can't always pick up other airplanes with the girl."

Anyway, in my fairly unimportant opinion on your situation. If she doesn't want to come along on the adventure, then "bon voyage". Cause I wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life wondering if I could have been a fighter pilot due to a woman. But thats my own personal belief, I already gave up my SAR/NAC slot when I was enlisted for a girl. That sure won't happen again.

When I reported to my first squadron, and met the squadron's Maintenace Master Chief, he was this old salty, VERY SALTY and pretty crusty black guy who said f**k every other syllable. He basically said this, "When CENSORED it CENSORED comes time to CENSORED deploy. Don't come CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED crying cause you CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED wife or girlfriend doesn't CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED want you to go. She didn't come in your CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED seabag."

Valion310 & Deep thoughts ~

 

[AndysGirl]

My boyfriend and I did the long distance thing too before he reported to OCS. I think it gave us a little glimpse of what it will be like. I think it helped rather than hindered our relatioship, just remember to communicate, that is the key to any successful relationship.

Go Navy