Having a child during flight school

[crunchthehuman]

I apologize if this topic has been covered, but I couldn't find much information about this type of situation. I am a non-prior going through OCS starting August 10. My fiance is pregnant with our first child, and assuming everything goes well, it will be born around December/January. I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions about raising a young child while having to deal with the pressures of flight school. I know the program will be very rigorous and I will need time to study and focus. My fiance is willing to take care of the baby herself until I am at a point where they can move in with me, but not being present much in the beginning will be very frustrating. I'm mostly wondering if it is a bad idea to have them with me during API and Primary.

 

[NUFO06]

I had my first a week before Primary started. I slept downstairs on the couch for most of Primary, but my first had colic and cried all the time. I spent most of my time in the squadron spaces and that was beneficial in itself because studying at home was just not an option.

Its nice your fiancé is willing to shoulder most of the burden of having a newborn but if it were me I would want my kid under the same roof. The Navy is going to cause you to miss time with your kids, for me, its by far the hardest part of deployment. I wouldn't want to voluntarily miss time. There are a lot of milestones in the early months. We also moved on base before we had the kid and that really benefited the wife to have the support of the other wives with kids.

If your fiancé understands your going to spend long days at the squadron studying and that you cant be the one getting up in the middle of night to feed and rock the kid then you shouldn't have a problem.

 

[wlawr005]

Lots of people have kids...my second was 3 months old when I started API. Life doesn't get easier after Primary...by that logic, you should never live with your family.

Bring them to Pensacola, build a relationship with your wife and child as a family. I can promise you having a pissed off wife raising a child by herself will be just as stressful as having a family at home.

And remember, your weekends belong to your kids now, so live vicariously through the 'bros'.

 

[villanelle]

I don't have kids.

I would move them out there. As others have said, this life is going to be full of stresses and quals you need to study for and important boards and all that stuff. You all need to learn how to deal with that together, if you want to have any chance of making it long term. She's going to need to understand that if you have a flight in the morning, she's going to be the one up with the kid all night. (I'm assuming she isn't going to work outside the home, based on your post.) At least with you there, you can take on some of the baby duties, which is better than none at all. And you are going to need to learn how to compartmentalize and prioritize and all that jazz. Start now, because after Primary, there is advanced, the the FRS, then all the stuff that comes in your first sea tour. There will never be a perfect time, so now is as good as any, and better than most.

 

[Uncle Fester]

One, not to direct your life for you, but I'd go ahead and get hitched. That way your fiancée is covered by tricare and will have postnatal care available on the Navy's dime. The kid is covered, as your dependent. There's a good-sized Navy hospital in Pensacola...my first was born there.

Second, while generally opinions are split on the merits of having your wife and kids with you during flight school, new mom and newborn is a different thing. Bring them down, be there for her and the kid. No, you won't be able to give as much time as you'd like to them, but it's a hell of a lot better than nothing. And not being there will stress you, too, so may as well get to see your baby.

It'll be a challenge. Do your best to get the work done, and help her understand that when you're absent from home it's not by choice. If shit happens, let your squadron / on-wing know. Wife's sick and baby was up all night and you're too trashed to think straight...let 'em know. Especially once you're flight side. You're better off rolling from a class than you are flunking events and only letting someone know when you're in front of a PRB.

 

[BusyBee604]

In my humble opinion, having a young Wife either pregnant or with a small infant, live separate from a husband in flight school, would be more stressful than living together, with planned concessions, as a family.

There will be sometimes lengthy delays with pools between stages, which will allow free time for family. Having Wife/Children "go home to Mama" during long deployments, usually works well providing family support, but having a young family grow together where when possible, is very important.
BzB

 

[BigBadBoJenkins]

I knew several guys that had kids in flight school. They were more stressed than the average student, but they all dealt with it.

 

[crunchthehuman]

Appreciate all the advice everyone. Just to clarify, I didn't mean to make it seem like I thought API and Primary would be the hardest parts of flight school. Rather, I was thinking more along the lines of those parts would be during the baby's first year, which I'm hearing is one of the most stressful times. I guess I'm just nervous because I'm excited about everything and want to do everything I can to make them proud.

 

[Spekkio]

More from the fleet end, but voluntarily geo-baching is not in your best interest. Your mind will frequently be on travelling to see your family instead of focused on your professional task at hand. Schedule changes that screw with plans to visit your family will wear on you and your wife.

 

[wlawr005]

Believe me, once your kid is 3-4 you'll be laughing when you think about that first year and how hard you thought it was.

 

[e6bflyer]

I had a one going into primary and one right before advanced. It's all about your sig other and what they are willing to do. Mine was a champ. She knew the score. I helped as much as I could and there were some nights I didn't get much rest. Know what? It's better to do that when you are 20 something than my DH buds who are having babies now in their late 30s and having to come to work or fly at 5am on zero sleep.
Manage your wife's expectations, let her know she is going to shoulder the burden for the time being, and soldier on. Marriage (or pre marriage in your case) is a team sport.

 

[Coulanon]

At any rate you won't be the only one in that kind of situation. I'll be going through the OCS class in front of you and found out last week that my wife is due with our first mid January. Plan for my wife had always been that she would have an in home daycare wherever we are, so all this does is back the start time off a bit further. Have to get together if you want once we are all situated in Pensacola, it will definitely be an exciting (and stressful) time!

 

[TimeBomb]

I would second Spekkio's comments about avoiding the geo-bach assignment. I did two, one when kids were young and another when they were in high school. At the time, my wife and I went that route to give them some stability in school, but in retrospect they would have done fine picking up and moving, and now they both wish they had seen more of the world courtesy of the Navy. Any way you slice it, you'll be forced to be apart enough...don't voluntarily add to your time apart unless it can't be avoided (e.g. child/spouse with complex medical needs).
R/

 

[HercDriver]

My daughter was born in my last week of API - it makes things suck in that your significant other has to pick up a lot of slack, and there will be lots of sleepless nights, but you'll get through it. I wouldn't want the geo-bachelor thang...I could only spend an hour a day really involved with my daughter, but it was worth it.

Make sure your onwing knows about you having a newborn at home and your honest about issues before flying. I had a few times that I was a zombie and my onwing was very understanding.

 

[A7Dave]

Considering what I just watched on the Pentagon Channel anything's possible in the new Navy. Maybe it has already been covered in this thread, but the beer is fogging my reading glasses....

Soooo, they're issuing maternity g-suits and seat harnesses these days? Hardcore....