funny things you've heard on the radio

[blackbart22]

One gusty day at Kingsville, the pattern was crowded and the tower had already changed runways once, when an instructor type voice said "Kings ower, what are you calling your winds?" A mystery voice replied "Maria"

 

[Old R.O.]

Was coming back to Miramar after a night hop and on approach control there was a Marine H-46 from Pendleton that was having an emergency and was asking for vectors to Miramar for a roll-on landing. We were in the fuel pits when he was on short final, so we turned up Tower frequency when he was handed off to them. The first thing that Tower said was: "Marine XXXX, say you intentions." To which came the reply of a guy who had been working his ass off for much too long: "I'm gonna get this sumbitch on the ground, shut it down and go have a beer!"

The Approach controllers at San Diego Approach were usually pretty cool guys. One time we were approaching the southern check-in point, about 35 miles southwest of the coast (called Sierra), when we heard the agitated voice of an A-4 driver from VC-7 (back when the Navy had active duty composite squadrons to drag the gunnery rag and play bogie for ships): "Approach, Jackstay 2 at Sierra with a hydraulic failure. I'm requesting immediate landing at Miramar."
The controller in a very calm voice replied: "Roger Jackstay 2, head 060, descend and maintain one-one-thousand, squawk 4262." (Which was pretty much vectors and altitudes that everyone was given on checkin). The A-4 drivers voice went up a couple of notches with "No, you don't understand.... I've got a hydraulic failure.!" To which the controller calmly replied: "Roger, Jackstay 2, You're number TWO in the emergency pattern following a Topgun T-38 with a generator failure. Head 060 and maintain one-one-thousand."

 

[phrogpilot73]

"I'm gonna get this sumbitch on the ground, shut it down and go have a beer!"

Gotta love Phrog guys. We tell it like we see it!

 

[TheBubba]

This was stated in another thread, but I'll say it again. There exists, in the Southwestern US, a high approach who's IAF is "FANNY"

I'm in a T-6, about 15 minutes in trail of a fellow student when I hear his voice "Center, BUCK XX requesting direct FANNY", to which a very sexy sounding female controller replies "BUCK XX, proceed direct FANNY for the penetration."

 

[BigIron]

On the HST for the opening days of OIF.

CAG is flying and after he makes his "ball" call you hear on the 1MC, "Carrier Airwing 3 arriving".

Well CAG gets a hook skip (as reported by CAG LSO) and bolters.

Very quickly you hear the CO of HST (with his very distinctive voice) on the 1MC, "Carrier Airwing 3 Departing"!

We heard something very similar when the COD delivering Chief of Naval Reactors boltered and had to go around. They timed the 4 bells perfectly as the COD touched down. The BMOW said "Naval Reactors, Arriving.......Departing...."

 

[Jim123]

Conversation between random training command aircraft and ground controller:


Flight student (half confused, half confident): "Ground, taxi VFR to xyz airport,* two souls, 1+30, information A..."

Controller (confused voice): "Uh, say again working area?"

Flight student (more confused): "Ground, taxi VFR to xyz..."
Flight instructor (ICS bleedover and stage whisper voice): "VFR to the east"
Flight student (confident voice): "uh VFR to the east, two souls, 1+30, information A..."

Controller (also confident voice now): "Roger, cleared to taxi..."

(Followed of course by humorous banter, congratulatory comments, and general approval on plane-to-plane frequency.)

* not a canned flight plan, usually ends up "coordination" with Clearance Deliver and wasting several minutes

 

[KBayDog]

From tower... "99, all IFR/VFR departures have been cancelled by ATC due to high traffic volume. Expect approx. 15 minute ground hold." From someone (hint, hint)... "Make sure you thank them for that."

That was you? Haha... I was #1 waiting for that departure and laughed when I heard that. What a debacle. Good times...

I set her down on the north taxi line short of spot 1; was that you that kept lifting and moving behind the departing course rules traffic from the crew change?

 

[KBayDog]

No... I was the only one on Matt B~ watching the circus unfold by spot 1.

Who is Matt B? Haha....

I guess they cleared up the congestion, because I was the only one up there after I finally departed.

 

[nittany03]

Attempted HARM shoot from Lemoore ends in a hung ordnance approach to Mugu. One of the local S-3s is RTB and gets held at the exit fix from the Whiskey area until we're on deck. Heard as we're switched to Tower: "Bloodhound XX, state your intentions."

"Uhh . . . we'd like to land."

 

[Flash]

While sitting in the back of a T-43 with a dozen of my fellow Nav studs climbing out of Randolph the pilots check in with center who promptly ask them, "Is the short bus full today?".

 

[sickboy]

The other day near Crestview~

Yesterday ATC told me over the radio to squawk of 4268 on the transponder. I tried to put in code, and realized there are no 8 digits that we can input. I ask student if ATC just said an 8 in the code - student says yes. I ask ATC to verify the code - they say 4268. I then tell ATC over the radio that my transponder didn't come factory-equipped with the 8 digit included. ATC begins to laugh (realizes his mistake) and I hear laughter in his voice and in the background for the next three radio calls made by other aircraft/helos.

I heard that one too.

 

[BACONATOR]

While sitting in the back of a T-43 with a dozen of my fellow Nav studs climbing out of Randolph the pilots check in with center who promptly ask them, "Is the short bus full today?".

I don't care who you are! That's funny as fuck!

Funniest moment was in Iraq, when the Iraqi controllers got annoyed with us for... I donno, existing, our request got answered with a heavily accented "DUSTOFF!... you do what you want!"

Other funny moments are when, like just the other day on my multi check, ATC gives someone a telephone number over the freq to "call upon landing". Only funny because that someone ain't me!

 

[CommodoreMid]

The Djibouti controllers were notoriously touchy. You had to sweet talk them or else taxiing or take off would be a pipe dream. One day one of our O-4s wasn't as polite as he should have been at the hold short line. The controller's response: "No! You get nothing! You go back!" The crew was then stuck turning on the taxiway for 30 minutes until they were allowed to take off.

 

[Brett327]

That's like a trip to Carolla's falafel nazi. No! Can not have! Hilarious.

 

[Renegade One]

"No! You get nothing! You go back!"

"No soup for you! One year!"