Family and the Navy

[btlawson22]

Hello all. Here is my story, I am 24 years old turning 25 this year, I have been a cop now for about 2 years and am looking for something more. I am married with two boys (4 yoa and 2 yoa). I have always wanted to join the Navy and be a pilot but met my wife and had a family before I got a chance to join after college.

My questions: Does anyone out there have any suggestions on if it is a good idea or even a possibility to complete OCS and Flight training with a family? Has anyone done it?

How long are the deployments nowadays?

Any incite on life in the Navy with a family?

I figure this may be good for the family to get out and travel I just want to make sure my family is taken care of while I am gone.

Thank You

 

[TheBubba]

Didn't do OCS. But it is definitely possible to be an aviator with a family. There are alot of us who have done it.

My mother was active duty Navy and a single parent. I got married and had a kid wile I was in flight school. I had friends (Navy, Marines and Air Force) that got through OCS and flight school just fine with a wife and kids.

Its very doable. One more thing to have on your mind, but it shouldn't be too much of an issue. Just make sure your wife understands what you being in the Navy means for her.

 

[Uncle Fester]

Welcome aboard, and try the Search function. Lots of folks have asked this question and there's lots of good gouge and advice from folks who have done it.

 

[FLYTPAY]

My questions: Does anyone out there have any suggestions on if it is a good idea or even a possibility to complete OCS and Flight training with a family? Has anyone done it?

It can be done but whether it is a good idea or not depends upon your particular situation and your family's tolerance of you being inaccessible. People do it all the time.

How long are the deployments nowadays?

6 months as a tule of thumb. Could be longer if conflict develops. There are work-ups prior to a deployment that separate you from your family.

Any incite on life in the Navy with a family?

I figure this may be good for the family to get out and travel I just want to make sure my family is taken care of while I am gone.

Many people are successful with family life. Some are not. That is how life is and I would say it is no different from the civilian world. The key is to have strong relationships. PS- incite=inducing riots.......insight=somewhat keen understanding

 

[picklesuit]

Navy life can be hard on families...if you have problems at home the Navy life will not help them. I was married when I enlisted, got commissioned shortly after I found out my wife was pregnant with our first child, and had our second child while in advanced.

I have missed a lot of good quality time with the kids due to the flight schedule and having to isolate myself to study/chair-fly.

My wife and I had a pretty rough stretch before API/after OCS when we had our first kid. O-1 pay doesn't go far between 2 adults and a child, especially with car payments/school loans, etc. The Navy was good about providing us with counseling, both marital and financial, but we had to go ask for it.

I would say that having my wife and kids by my side for flight school did make me work that much harder as their future was at stake as well as my own...but it also made my time management that much harder and I did have a lot of external stressors that I had to leave outside of the cockpit.

If you decide to join the military, I would suggest that you do so only with the full support of yer wife. If she is not 100% on board she may not be there when the times are rough and that will be hard on yer personal and professional life. Talk to her about how she feels about you joining...get her real opinion and make sure you ask her if she will be okay missing the occasional Christmas/easter/birthday etc. with her family, because that WILL happen.

Any other questions on specifics feel free to PM.
Pickle

 

[btlawson22]

When you are not on deployment what is life like as a pilot when your stateside?

I thought that the military did a good job of providing you with enough money to live alright. Does it really get that tough financially?

PS. Thanks for the grammar lesson, us police are not known for our intellect.:icon_smil

 

[picklesuit]

When you are not on deployment what is life like as a pilot when your stateside?

I thought that the military did a good job of providing you with enough money to live alright. Does it really get that tough financially?

PS. Thanks for the grammar lesson, us police are not known for our intellect.:icon_smil

It really depends on if your wife works or is a stay at home mother...

 

[btlawson22]

That would depend on if the Navy provides daycare, if so is it free?

Do people live on base or do most live off?

 

[Lobster]

I have the perspective of a navy brat, my dad was a pilot and it was tough and we missed him a lot but we made due when he was gone, and I did and still do think it was the coolest thing in the world what he did, I'll have the view from a pilots perspective soon enough (Knock on wood)

 

[navy09]

Do people live on base or do most live off?

As an officer you will live off base. You'll get a housing allowance (read not taxed)...google or search BAH for more info.

 

[bb1125]

As an officer you will live off base.

Not true. you can live on or off base. There are advantages and disadvantages to both. A midn really shouldn't be putting out such definitive gouge. In other words, STFU.

For the op, I'm going through flight school with a wife and two kids and it hasn't been much of an issue for us. It's stressful at times, but we deal with it. However, I'm 30 and have been in the Navy for 11 years, so my family has already been through several deployments, work ups, etc, so they know how to deal with me not being around.

On the other hand, I know guys in my squadron that are straight out of college and are already married to a wife that keeps dropping kids and they're really struggling trying to balance family and work. As others have said, make sure your wife is up for the challenge of running the family on her own at times. If she's not ready to take on the task, you all could have a very rough first couple of years (at the least).

 

[navy09]

Not true. you can live on or off base. There are advantages and disadvantages to both. A midn really shouldn't be putting out such definitive gouge. In other words, STFU.

OK, time to teach the dumb middy. I though the only O's that lived on base were senior officers (like O6+). Maybe overseas (FDNF)? Please enlighten me.

 

[picklesuit]

As an officer you will live off base. You'll get a housing allowance (read not taxed)...google or search BAH for more info.

Hey midn09...stop writing out of yer ass, you don't know what you are talking about.

You can live on base (as I, an officer, and many of my friends, also officers, plus the NAS Corpus Christi base CO and XO, also officers, do), or off base, the choice is yours. Some bases may have limited availability (such as NAS Jax) but I have had a 4 bedroom house at Vance AFB and a 2BR Duplex at NAS Corpus Christi (I can move into a 3 bed now that I have 2 kids, I'm just too lazy to move on my own)

BAH is designed to cover rent + basic utilities. It usually just does, but if you want "luxuries" such as cable, internet, pets, you will usually spend a few dollars out of yer base pay.

There is day care available on base, it is not free, and it is variable in quality from base to base. I don't know the rates exactly, but that is down the road I think for you. My wife does the stay at home thing, and she has many friends in the area who do that as well so they can get together during the day.

I would encourage you to go speak with an Officer recruiter and talk to him/her about all of this, then come back and bounce all of what they say off of what the AW's have experienced.

I know my first post was very cautionary about joining with a spouse/kids...don't misunderstand the fact that I am having the time of my life right now. I am serving my country with the best people America has to offer. I have met my closest friends in the military, my wife and I have worked together to make a very secure relationship for ourselves and our kids, and the base community is great. When we had our daughter I left my son (20 months at the time) with another family here on base on VERY short notice for 3 days. They had no problems doing that or us, and we do the same for them. It is hard to find that kind of close knit community out in the civvy world.

If your wife has any questions and wants to talk to mine, PM, I'll get you her number.
Picklesuit

 

[devil_dog_wife]

From a wife and mom's perspective. It's completely do-able, and challenging at times. We haven't been through a deployment, but DH has been in a different state for the last almost 4 months, so we've had the separation aspect. Financially it's not that hard if you budget and live within your means, I stay at home so we are living off of DH's pay. The bases that I've been to do have childcare, but I don't know the cost.
I agree with what has been said that your wife has to be 100% on board with you joining, if she isn't she could grow to resent you and that could cause a lot of issues with your family.
PM me if you have any other questions a wife/mom could answer, also if your wife has any questions let me know!

 

[Belle]

It really depends on if your wife works or is a stay at home mother...

Just ducking out of the PSC to say that we live pretty comfortably with me as a stay at home mom. We're in base housing and hubby is an O-1 prior. In other words, we definitely don't have trouble making ends meet without both of us working.

And base daycare isn't free, but you pay based on rank (sliding scale). It is hard to get a spot though. Most people I know that have both parents working had to use off-base care for at least a few months until they came up on the waiting list.

And to the original question, your wife definitely has to be on board 100%! Deployments will be hard and if she has any misgivings about your career choice they are a time when a woman can get resentful, especially if she is taking care of the kids on her own.

But it is definitely doable!