No, I never really wanted to be in the "military". I wanted to be a lawyer!
Thankfully, the Navy recruiters knocked some sense into me a long time ago, and chose a much better career for me. Since then, I have benefited, the Navy has benefited, and I trust, our Country has also benefited.
Regarding combat, heroics, dying, honor, being scared, old war movies, or whatever, etc, I have some perspective.
I remember the 30 totally different emotions and expectations, fears, and concerns as our squadron transited for 2 weeks, the Pacific toward a hostile war that would likely cause us losses. Emotions ran the full gamut of almost John Wayne types, to seriously nervous nellies, medal seekers, to desperate my-luck-must-run-out-eventually types, and everything in between.
I remember our 1st major Alpha Strike briefing; our Strike Lead admonishing us that this was "not the war to be a hero in. Just do your job, and no more. No heroics." Unfortunately, we still lost one A-7 pilot that day.
In the end, 11 months later, all of us had done our jobs, under heavy and repeated fire, as we had been trained. Regardless of individual apprehensions, we all respected and protected each other. And we all did it exceptionally well, with minimal losses – regardless of our 30 different prior reservations, or different emotions and personalities, and actual responses about flying in real combat.
I know just a little about honor, courage, fear, and close ones' dying. But I also know a lot about doing the job you have signed on to do, doing it well, and as you have been trained - overcoming personal obstacles, and protecting your fellow warrior.
From the weakest to the strongest, all our guys rose to the occasion, as one proud and successful unit!
Nevertheless, you never know until you've been there, and even then, you still can't really be sure, how you feel. But feelings aside, you still act, and act well. And the air war is the "gentleman's war." Think about how worse it could be on the ground.
Today, all I ask now, when I die the so many years later that I have been fortunately granted of old age, that our Flag covers my coffin. [Civilian lawyers get no such flags. Maybe that is my happy epitaph!]