For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day
when you just need to take it out on someone! Don't
take that bad day out on someone you know, take it
out on someone you DON'T know! Now get this. I was
sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I
had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man
answered nicely saying, "Hello?"
I politely said, "This is Patrick and could I
please speak to Robin?" Suddenly the phone was
slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that anyone
could be that rude. I tracked down Robin's correct
number and called her. She had transposed the last two
digits incorrectly. After I hung up with Robin, I spotted
the wrong number still lying there on my desk. I decided
to call it again. When the same person once more
answered, I yelled "You're an @$$hole!" and hung up.
Next to his phone number I wrote the word "@$$hole,"
and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks,
when I was paying bills, or had a really bad day,
I'd call him up. He'd answer, and I'd yell,
"You're an @$$hole!" It would always cheer me up.
Later in the year the phone company introduced
caller ID. This was a real disappointment for me,
I would have to stop calling the @$$hole. Then
one day I had an idea. I dialed his number,
then heard his voice, "Hello." I made up a name.
"Hi. This is the sales office of the telephone
company and I'm just calling to see if you're
familiar with our caller ID program?"
He went, "No!" and slammed the phone down.
I quickly called him back and said,
"That's because you're an @$$hole!"
The reason I took the time to tell you this story,
is to show you how if there's ever anything really
bothering you, you can do something about it.
Just dial 859-622-3028.
[Keep reading, it gets better...]
The old lady at the mall really took her time pulling
out of the parking space. I didn't think she was ever
going to leave. Finally, her car began to move and she
started to very slowly back out of the slot. I backed
up a little more to give her plenty of room to pull out.
Great, I thought, she's finally leaving. All of a sudden
this black Camaro come flying up the parking isle in the
wrong direction and pulls into her space. I started
honking my horn and yelling, "You can't just do that,
Buddy. I was here first!" The guy climbed out of his
Camaro completely ignoring me. He walked toward the
mall as if he didn't even hear me. I thought to myself,
this guy's an @$$hole, there sure a lot of @$$holes in
this world. I noticed he had a "For Sale" sign in the
back window of his car. I wrote down the number. Then
I hunted for another place to park.
A couple of days later, I'm at home sitting at my desk.
I had just gotten off the phone after calling 859-622-3028
and yelling, "You're an @$$hole!" (It's really easy to
call him now since I have his number on speed dial.) I
noticed the phone number of the guy with the black
Camaro lying on my desk and thought I'd better call
this guy, too. After a couple rings someone answered
the phone and said, "Hello." I said, "Is this the man
with the black Camaro for sale?"
"Yes, it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 555 West 34th street. It's a yellow
house and the car's parked right out front."
I said, "What's your name?"
"My name is Don."
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home in the evenings."
"Listen Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes,"
"Don, you're an @$$hole!" and I slammed the phone
down. After I hung up I added Don Hansen's number
to my speed dialer. For a while things seemed to
be going better for me. Now when I had a problem
I had two @$$holes to call.
After several months of calling the @$$holes and
hanging up on them, it just wasn't as enjoyable
as it used to be. I gave the problem some serious
thought and came up with a solution: First, I had
my phone dial @$$hole #1. A man answered nicely
saying, "Hello."
I yelled "You're an @$$hole!", but I didn't hang up.
The @$$hole said, "Are you still there? Stop
calling me."
"No."
"What's your name, Pal?"
"Don."
"Where do you live?"
"555 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and my
black Camaro's parked out front."
"I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start
saying your prayers."
"Yeah, like I'm really scared, @$$hole!" and I hung up.
Then I called @$$hole #2.
He answered, "Hello."
I said, "Hello, @$$hole!"
He said, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll what?"
"I'll kick your butt."
"Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now
@$$hole!" And I hung up. Then I picked up the phone
and called the police. I told them I was at 555
West 34th Street and that I was going to kill my gay
lover as soon as he got home. Another quick call to
Channel 13 about the gang war going on down W.34th St.
After that I climbed into my car and headed over to
34th St. to watch the whole thing. Glorious! Watching
two @$$holes kicking the crap out of each other in
front of 6 squad cars and a police helicopter was one
of the greatest experiences of my life! [
]
when you just need to take it out on someone! Don't
take that bad day out on someone you know, take it
out on someone you DON'T know! Now get this. I was
sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I
had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man
answered nicely saying, "Hello?"
I politely said, "This is Patrick and could I
please speak to Robin?" Suddenly the phone was
slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that anyone
could be that rude. I tracked down Robin's correct
number and called her. She had transposed the last two
digits incorrectly. After I hung up with Robin, I spotted
the wrong number still lying there on my desk. I decided
to call it again. When the same person once more
answered, I yelled "You're an @$$hole!" and hung up.
Next to his phone number I wrote the word "@$$hole,"
and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks,
when I was paying bills, or had a really bad day,
I'd call him up. He'd answer, and I'd yell,
"You're an @$$hole!" It would always cheer me up.
Later in the year the phone company introduced
caller ID. This was a real disappointment for me,
I would have to stop calling the @$$hole. Then
one day I had an idea. I dialed his number,
then heard his voice, "Hello." I made up a name.
"Hi. This is the sales office of the telephone
company and I'm just calling to see if you're
familiar with our caller ID program?"
He went, "No!" and slammed the phone down.
I quickly called him back and said,
"That's because you're an @$$hole!"
The reason I took the time to tell you this story,
is to show you how if there's ever anything really
bothering you, you can do something about it.
Just dial 859-622-3028.
[Keep reading, it gets better...]
The old lady at the mall really took her time pulling
out of the parking space. I didn't think she was ever
going to leave. Finally, her car began to move and she
started to very slowly back out of the slot. I backed
up a little more to give her plenty of room to pull out.
Great, I thought, she's finally leaving. All of a sudden
this black Camaro come flying up the parking isle in the
wrong direction and pulls into her space. I started
honking my horn and yelling, "You can't just do that,
Buddy. I was here first!" The guy climbed out of his
Camaro completely ignoring me. He walked toward the
mall as if he didn't even hear me. I thought to myself,
this guy's an @$$hole, there sure a lot of @$$holes in
this world. I noticed he had a "For Sale" sign in the
back window of his car. I wrote down the number. Then
I hunted for another place to park.
A couple of days later, I'm at home sitting at my desk.
I had just gotten off the phone after calling 859-622-3028
and yelling, "You're an @$$hole!" (It's really easy to
call him now since I have his number on speed dial.) I
noticed the phone number of the guy with the black
Camaro lying on my desk and thought I'd better call
this guy, too. After a couple rings someone answered
the phone and said, "Hello." I said, "Is this the man
with the black Camaro for sale?"
"Yes, it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 555 West 34th street. It's a yellow
house and the car's parked right out front."
I said, "What's your name?"
"My name is Don."
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home in the evenings."
"Listen Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes,"
"Don, you're an @$$hole!" and I slammed the phone
down. After I hung up I added Don Hansen's number
to my speed dialer. For a while things seemed to
be going better for me. Now when I had a problem
I had two @$$holes to call.
After several months of calling the @$$holes and
hanging up on them, it just wasn't as enjoyable
as it used to be. I gave the problem some serious
thought and came up with a solution: First, I had
my phone dial @$$hole #1. A man answered nicely
saying, "Hello."
I yelled "You're an @$$hole!", but I didn't hang up.
The @$$hole said, "Are you still there? Stop
calling me."
"No."
"What's your name, Pal?"
"Don."
"Where do you live?"
"555 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and my
black Camaro's parked out front."
"I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start
saying your prayers."
"Yeah, like I'm really scared, @$$hole!" and I hung up.
Then I called @$$hole #2.
He answered, "Hello."
I said, "Hello, @$$hole!"
He said, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll what?"
"I'll kick your butt."
"Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now
@$$hole!" And I hung up. Then I picked up the phone
and called the police. I told them I was at 555
West 34th Street and that I was going to kill my gay
lover as soon as he got home. Another quick call to
Channel 13 about the gang war going on down W.34th St.
After that I climbed into my car and headed over to
34th St. to watch the whole thing. Glorious! Watching
two @$$holes kicking the crap out of each other in
front of 6 squad cars and a police helicopter was one
of the greatest experiences of my life! [
]
