Saw this in my FCLP class. Thought it would be a good for a little laugh. 
The Gospel According to St. Fresnel of the Miraculous Lens
Chapter One, Versus One through Five
In the Beginning, God created the heavens, and the Aircraft Carrier, and the seas upon which to float it; and yet there was complete Darkness upon the face of the Earth. And, as we traveled there came to us, as a voice out of the Darkness, an angel of the Lord saying, “On centerline, on glideslope, three quarters of a mile, call the ball.” I reflected upon these words, for I was still engulfed in complete Darkness. With deep feeling and doubt overwhelming my countenance, I glanceth towards my companion at my right hand and saith, “What seeth thou, trusted friend?”, and there was a great silence.
Gazing in a searching manner and seeing naught, I raised my voice saying, “Clara…”
And God spoke to me, and He said, “You’re low… power.” As the Lord saith, so shall it be, and I added power; and lo, the ball riseth up onto the bottom of the mirror. But it was a tainted red glow, and surely indicateth Satan’s own influence. And God spoke to me again saying, “Power. Power.. Power!!!... fly the ball.” And lo, the ball riseth up and off the top of the lens, and the great Darkness was upon me.
And the voice of the Angel came to me again, saying “When comfortable, twelve hundred feet, turn downwind.” Whereupon I wandered in the Darkness, without direction, for surely the ship’s radar was beset by demons, and there was great confusion cast upon CATCC, and there was a great silence in which there was no comfort to be found. Even my tacan needle spinneth… and lo, there was chaos; my trusted companion weepeth quietly unto himself and from close behind I heard weeping and gnashing of teeth of our flock. There was a great turmoil within my cockpit for a multitude of serpents had crept therein.
And though we wandered, as if by Providence I found myself within that Holy Corridor, and at twelve hundred feet, among my brethren seeking refuge; and the voice of the Angel of the Lord came to me again, asking of me my needles, and I raised my voice saying, “Up and centered,” and the voice answered, “Roger, fly your needles…” I reflected upon these words, and I raised my voice in prayer, for though my gyro indicateth it not so, surely my aircraft hath been turned upside down. Verily, as Beelzebub surely wrestled with me, a voice, that of my trusted companion, saith to me calmly, “Friend… fly thy needles, and find comfort in the Lord.” And lo, with deep trembling in my heart, I did, and He guideth me to centered glideslope and centerline, though I know not how it came to be.
And out of the great Darkness, God spoke to me again saying, “Roger ball” for now I had faith. And though the ball began to rise at the in close position, my right hand was full of the Spirit, and it squeeketh off power and as in a great miracle, my plane stoppeth upon the flight deck, for it hath caught the for wire which God in his infinite wisdom hath placed thirty feet further down the flight deck than the three wire.
And thus bathed in a golden radiance from above, our pilgrimage was at an end, and my spirit was truly reborn. And as I basked in the rapture, God spoketh to me one final time, and He saith, “Lights out on deck…”
The Gospel According to St. Fresnel of the Miraculous Lens
Chapter One, Versus One through Five
In the Beginning, God created the heavens, and the Aircraft Carrier, and the seas upon which to float it; and yet there was complete Darkness upon the face of the Earth. And, as we traveled there came to us, as a voice out of the Darkness, an angel of the Lord saying, “On centerline, on glideslope, three quarters of a mile, call the ball.” I reflected upon these words, for I was still engulfed in complete Darkness. With deep feeling and doubt overwhelming my countenance, I glanceth towards my companion at my right hand and saith, “What seeth thou, trusted friend?”, and there was a great silence.
Gazing in a searching manner and seeing naught, I raised my voice saying, “Clara…”
And God spoke to me, and He said, “You’re low… power.” As the Lord saith, so shall it be, and I added power; and lo, the ball riseth up onto the bottom of the mirror. But it was a tainted red glow, and surely indicateth Satan’s own influence. And God spoke to me again saying, “Power. Power.. Power!!!... fly the ball.” And lo, the ball riseth up and off the top of the lens, and the great Darkness was upon me.
And the voice of the Angel came to me again, saying “When comfortable, twelve hundred feet, turn downwind.” Whereupon I wandered in the Darkness, without direction, for surely the ship’s radar was beset by demons, and there was great confusion cast upon CATCC, and there was a great silence in which there was no comfort to be found. Even my tacan needle spinneth… and lo, there was chaos; my trusted companion weepeth quietly unto himself and from close behind I heard weeping and gnashing of teeth of our flock. There was a great turmoil within my cockpit for a multitude of serpents had crept therein.
And though we wandered, as if by Providence I found myself within that Holy Corridor, and at twelve hundred feet, among my brethren seeking refuge; and the voice of the Angel of the Lord came to me again, asking of me my needles, and I raised my voice saying, “Up and centered,” and the voice answered, “Roger, fly your needles…” I reflected upon these words, and I raised my voice in prayer, for though my gyro indicateth it not so, surely my aircraft hath been turned upside down. Verily, as Beelzebub surely wrestled with me, a voice, that of my trusted companion, saith to me calmly, “Friend… fly thy needles, and find comfort in the Lord.” And lo, with deep trembling in my heart, I did, and He guideth me to centered glideslope and centerline, though I know not how it came to be.
And out of the great Darkness, God spoke to me again saying, “Roger ball” for now I had faith. And though the ball began to rise at the in close position, my right hand was full of the Spirit, and it squeeketh off power and as in a great miracle, my plane stoppeth upon the flight deck, for it hath caught the for wire which God in his infinite wisdom hath placed thirty feet further down the flight deck than the three wire.
And thus bathed in a golden radiance from above, our pilgrimage was at an end, and my spirit was truly reborn. And as I basked in the rapture, God spoketh to me one final time, and He saith, “Lights out on deck…”
