vegita1220
User
God Tests Navy Seals Intellegence
One day a squad of Navy Seals was making for an objective in their rubber boat. With each stroke of the paddle, they whispered that particularly unique Seal grunt - ooyah. Ooyah ... ooyah ... ooyah. God looked down from above and was beside himself with pride knowing that He could not have done any better than when He made HIS Seals.
Thinking to Himself, God decided to test precisely just how good His Seals were in fact. God raised His arms and "ZAP", took away 1/2 of all the Seals brains in the dingy. There they were, seven Seals in a dingy, still making for their objective - ooyah, ooyah, ooyah.
With glee God rub his hands, then raised his arms again and "ZAP", He took away 1/2 of the Seals remaining brains. The Seals in their rubber dingy, making for their objective now had only 1/4 of their original brains. Still, determined, they stroked on - ooyah, ooyah, ooyah.
God was nearly hysterical with joy over knowing that His creation could still function as a viable, forward deployed, tactical fighting force with very nearly all of their brains removed. Dare I, thought God? Shall I? YES! And God raised his arms and in an instant, "ZAP"! God took away all of the seals remaining brains.
And there they were, a seven man forward deployed, tactical fighting force, in a rubber dingy, with no brains, making for their objective - singing - "From the halls of Montezuma to the shores of Tripoli, We will fight our countries battles..."
Airforce officer goes to heaven.
An airforce officer goes to heaven and at the gate St Peter asks him if he has ever done anything in his life that he believes makes him worthy of admittance to heaven. The officer flyboy replies; yes, I once went into a bar with four of my pilot friends and saw two seabees harassing a young girl at the bar, so being a gentleman I went up to the biggest one and told him to leave this young lady alone. When he refused I told him again more forcefully. This time I slapped him across the face and told this seabee to stand down. St Peter said this was a very good thing to do and asked when the pilot did this great act. The pilot replied; about 5 minutes ago! My friends should be here shortly!
Carrier Humor
A Navy officer was cutting through the crew's quarters of his carrier one day and happened upon a sailor reading a magazine with his feet up on the small table in front of him.
“Sailor! Do you put your feet up on the furniture at home?” the officer demanded.
“No, sir, but it's not the same thing, is it?”
“What do you mean, 'not the same'?”
“Well, we don't land airplanes on our roof at home either!”
Announcement of the statistics on the highest adultery level:
- The first place is hold by movie stars!
- The second are theatre actors!
- And the third is the Navy!
Someone shouts back:
- What??? I've been in the Navy for thirty years and I have never ever cheated on my wife!
Someone else shouts him back:
- It's because of dickheads like you we are only third!
One day a squad of Navy Seals was making for an objective in their rubber boat. With each stroke of the paddle, they whispered that particularly unique Seal grunt - ooyah. Ooyah ... ooyah ... ooyah. God looked down from above and was beside himself with pride knowing that He could not have done any better than when He made HIS Seals.
Thinking to Himself, God decided to test precisely just how good His Seals were in fact. God raised His arms and "ZAP", took away 1/2 of all the Seals brains in the dingy. There they were, seven Seals in a dingy, still making for their objective - ooyah, ooyah, ooyah.
With glee God rub his hands, then raised his arms again and "ZAP", He took away 1/2 of the Seals remaining brains. The Seals in their rubber dingy, making for their objective now had only 1/4 of their original brains. Still, determined, they stroked on - ooyah, ooyah, ooyah.
God was nearly hysterical with joy over knowing that His creation could still function as a viable, forward deployed, tactical fighting force with very nearly all of their brains removed. Dare I, thought God? Shall I? YES! And God raised his arms and in an instant, "ZAP"! God took away all of the seals remaining brains.
And there they were, a seven man forward deployed, tactical fighting force, in a rubber dingy, with no brains, making for their objective - singing - "From the halls of Montezuma to the shores of Tripoli, We will fight our countries battles..."
Airforce officer goes to heaven.
An airforce officer goes to heaven and at the gate St Peter asks him if he has ever done anything in his life that he believes makes him worthy of admittance to heaven. The officer flyboy replies; yes, I once went into a bar with four of my pilot friends and saw two seabees harassing a young girl at the bar, so being a gentleman I went up to the biggest one and told him to leave this young lady alone. When he refused I told him again more forcefully. This time I slapped him across the face and told this seabee to stand down. St Peter said this was a very good thing to do and asked when the pilot did this great act. The pilot replied; about 5 minutes ago! My friends should be here shortly!
Carrier Humor
A Navy officer was cutting through the crew's quarters of his carrier one day and happened upon a sailor reading a magazine with his feet up on the small table in front of him.
“Sailor! Do you put your feet up on the furniture at home?” the officer demanded.
“No, sir, but it's not the same thing, is it?”
“What do you mean, 'not the same'?”
“Well, we don't land airplanes on our roof at home either!”
Announcement of the statistics on the highest adultery level:
- The first place is hold by movie stars!
- The second are theatre actors!
- And the third is the Navy!
Someone shouts back:
- What??? I've been in the Navy for thirty years and I have never ever cheated on my wife!
Someone else shouts him back:
- It's because of dickheads like you we are only third!
