Prospective OCS Applicant - Opinion on Big Life Decision

[briers_rabbit]

Hi All! First time poster here. I am seriously considering applying to OCS as a SNA - I've wanted to be a pilot in the military for as long as I can remember (currently 25 years old). Been working in a cushy finance job ever since I graduated and after 3 years I know the corporate America lifestyle is definitely not for me in any capacity, at least not while im "young". Now more than ever I want to be a pilot and/or serve in the military. Here's where I need some opinions.... I have a long-time girlfriend and always saw her being in my life forever, but if I do this that will no longer be the case. We have discussed it. She is in full support of me joining as she thinks it is one of the most admirable things one can do in life, but she also values her career (which is demanding) and she does not want to be a "military wife", especially if the pilot track does work out (minimum 8 year career in the military). I fully understand and appreciate where she's coming from, so please don't squash her for having that perspective.... Basically what I am looking for is any opinions on this question: is going down this path to become and serve as a Navy pilot worth leaving behind what I currently have? Been dating nearly 7 years and its real... shes also rich lol (just trying to sprinkle a little humor into an otherwise dark post). Really appreciate any and all opinions

 

[taxi1]

I have a long-time girlfriend and always saw her being in my life forever, but if I do this that will no longer be the case.

If she is absolutely Ms Right, then you guys will find a way to make it work. There are quite a few marriages in the military where both are in, and not necessarily even in the same service. True love finds a way.

Otherwise, there are 400 million people in the US of A, 200M of them female, maybe 30M in your age range? A few million compatible with you? But one Naval Air. You do the math.

Your situation with the GF sounds transactional, frankly. Nothing wrong with that, honesty is good.

I worked for 3 years in industry before realizing I needed to try naval air or I’d hate myself. Best decision ever.

 

[briers_rabbit]

Great insight and great points - really appreciate the response! Your last sentence is also really encouraging, as that is where I am in my life right now

 

[HAL Pilot]

If she’s really “the one”, then she’d support you and make it work. Plenty of married military officers are geo-bachelors for various reasons.

The question I’d be asking is, if she really saw a forever life for us, then why is she “fully supporting” me by saying do it, it’s great, enjoy your life without me. Sounds to me like she’s has a different idea of what a partnership is, or she doesn’t see you being in her life forever.

 

[briers_rabbit]

If she’s really “the one”, then she’d support you and make it work. Plenty of married military officers are geo-bachelors for various reasons.

The question I’d be asking is, if she really saw a forever life for us, then why is she “fully supporting” me by saying do it, it’s great, enjoy your life without me. Sounds to me like she’s has a different idea of what a partnership is, or she doesn’t see you being in her life forever.

Appreciate the reply... Never heard the term "geo-bachelor", i like it

 

[Pags]

Yeah, there are ways she can continue to have a career. What would she do if you were married and then your civilian job relocated you? This isn't just a military spouse thing, its a consideration in many civilian careers that couples need to discuss on how to balance marriage and career.

 

[exNavyOffRec]

Hi All! First time poster here. I am seriously considering applying to OCS as a SNA - I've wanted to be a pilot in the military for as long as I can remember (currently 25 years old). Been working in a cushy finance job ever since I graduated and after 3 years I know the corporate America lifestyle is definitely not for me in any capacity, at least not while im "young". Now more than ever I want to be a pilot and/or serve in the military. Here's where I need some opinions.... I have a long-time girlfriend and always saw her being in my life forever, but if I do this that will no longer be the case. We have discussed it. She is in full support of me joining as she thinks it is one of the most admirable things one can do in life, but she also values her career (which is demanding) and she does not want to be a "military wife", especially if the pilot track does work out (minimum 8 year career in the military). I fully understand and appreciate where she's coming from, so please don't squash her for having that perspective.... Basically what I am looking for is any opinions on this question: is going down this path to become and serve as a Navy pilot worth leaving behind what I currently have? Been dating nearly 7 years and its real... shes also rich lol (just trying to sprinkle a little humor into an otherwise dark post). Really appreciate any and all opinions

A few things I thought of when I read this and some things for you to think about.

- Why 7 years and not already married or fiancée? Some people remain together for a lifetime, have kids and never get married and that is fine, some get married and never have kids, or have you guys just not talked about it? I will be honest from what I have seen with friends and co-workers in the past several years the "together for 7 years" and not married or fiancée raises red flags for me.

- If you don't do this will it be an issue down the road, the "I wanted to do XXX but......"

- What happens if a few years down the road you want to get married and she doesn't, or one of you wants kids and the other doesn't, which causes you guys to go your own ways? Have you both talked about long term goals?

 

[taxi1]

shes also rich lol

50 lurker PMs sent ?

 

[LawDawg740]

What field does she work in? WFH is becoming wildly popular. There are entire communities around Naval installations. Being 'with' an Officer does not equate to being a 'military wife.'

She either supports it or she doesn't. Sounds like there needs to be a pointed, difficult conversation sometime soon.

 

[briers_rabbit]

50 lurker PMs sent ?

hahah

 

[briers_rabbit]

A few things I thought of when I read this and some things for you to think about.

- Why 7 years and not already married or fiancée? Some people remain together for a lifetime, have kids and never get married and that is fine, some get married and never have kids, or have you guys just not talked about it? I will be honest from what I have seen with friends and co-workers in the past several years the "together for 7 years" and not married or fiancée raises red flags for me.

- If you don't do this will it be an issue down the road, the "I wanted to do XXX but......"

- What happens if a few years down the road you want to get married and she doesn't, or one of you wants kids and the other doesn't, which causes you guys to go your own ways? Have you both talked about long term goals?

Appreciate the thoughtful response. Mostly because we both agree that we are too young for marriage, plus she is still in school. We have been long distance for the entirety of our relationship (met in college and live in different states) and have both been really looking forward to no more long distance once she is done with school. Me pursuing this goal would obviously prevent the long distance from stopping. Regarding your comment "If you don't do this will it be an issue down the road, the "I wanted to do XXX but......"", i whole-heartedly agree... We have talked about marriage and kids several times over the last few years, which makes this decision even more difficult. I am very grateful for all the feedback from this post!

 

[briers_rabbit]

What field does she work in? WFH is becoming wildly popular. There are entire communities around Naval installations. Being 'with' an Officer does not equate to being a 'military wife.'

She either supports it or she doesn't. Sounds like there needs to be a pointed, difficult conversation sometime soon.

She will be a lawyer soon, but wants to work in public sector so not sure of the WFH opportunities, plus she is gung-ho about a specific geographical area she wants to be in. Yeah perhaps a difficult conversation sometime soon. Thanks for the response!

 

[LawDawg740]

She will be a lawyer soon, but wants to work in public sector so not sure of the WFH opportunities, plus she is gung-ho about a specific geographical area she wants to be in. Yeah perhaps a difficult conversation sometime soon. Thanks for the response!

Her and I both ?. It’s different for regions and what tier of a law school she is graduating from, but WFH is a growing norm for the profession. I work at a lofty, over-priced private firm and WFH is an option for us as it is used as a recruitment tool. I know a lot of the government attorneys (pick your entity) also use WFH as an incentive. Again, this is different for regions and feeder-systems, but she could likely negotiate some sort of WFH arrangement if need be.

If by "public sector" you're referring to what we call in the profession as public-interest, they are always hurting for attorneys and will likely be accommodating.

 

[exNavyOffRec]

Appreciate the thoughtful response. Mostly because we both agree that we are too young for marriage, plus she is still in school. We have been long distance for the entirety of our relationship (met in college and live in different states) and have both been really looking forward to no more long distance once she is done with school. Me pursuing this goal would obviously prevent the long distance from stopping. Regarding your comment "If you don't do this will it be an issue down the road, the "I wanted to do XXX but......"", i whole-heartedly agree... We have talked about marriage and kids several times over the last few years, which makes this decision even more difficult. I am very grateful for all the feedback from this post!

One other thing to think about is the "too young for marriage", sometimes that is used for good reasons and sometimes it isn't, I would say a better reason is the long distance part, as until you spend a lot of time with someone you really don't know if you want to spend a lot more time with them.

 

[AllAmerican75]

Appreciate the thoughtful response. Mostly because we both agree that we are too young for marriage, plus she is still in school. We have been long distance for the entirety of our relationship (met in college and live in different states) and have both been really looking forward to no more long distance once she is done with school. Me pursuing this goal would obviously prevent the long distance from stopping. Regarding your comment "If you don't do this will it be an issue down the road, the "I wanted to do XXX but......"", i whole-heartedly agree... We have talked about marriage and kids several times over the last few years, which makes this decision even more difficult. I am very grateful for all the feedback from this post!

Let me be the asshole: It doesn't sound like you two really have much of a relationship. Long distance, wishy washy on your future, "too young for marriage," etcetera, etcetera. I know a few dudes who made career and life decisions in a similar situation and they ended up wondering what could have been and really going down a rabbit hole on "What if?" The Navy and Naval Aviation are a young man's game, which means you only have so long until you aren't eligible anymore. Really, is this the woman that YOU will look back at YOUR life and say, "Not pursuing MY life's dream of being a Naval Aviator for HER sure was worth it"? Or will you also look back and wonder what could have been if you took the path less traveled by?

So when YOU think about what and who YOU want to be, what does that look like? Sometimes you only get one shot to sign onto the great campaign and live a real adventure. Is she worth it? What do YOU want?