Naval Aviation Poem... Suggestions??

[jeff_264]

Hey Gents,

So, I had to write a poem for one of my english classes, it turned out as a kind of memorial poem to the Naval Aviators that didn't make it back from Vietnam. Thought I would post it here to get thoughts, critiques, suggestions, etc. Keep in mind Im no poet or anything, but I think its pretty good.

“Downtown”​

​

In the early hours of dawn​

Amidst the squalling fury​

He launches off the pitching deck​

To Indian territory​

​

Tons of thrust behind him​

And tons of iron slung below​

He slices through the morning air​

Headed to the show​

​

Dancing with the Iron Maid​

The sweat drips from his brow​

Gased up, he heads on toward land​

The target is “Downtown”​

​

The flack explodes like dragons breath​

It’s thicker than one’s skull​

Roll wings level, sight on target​

Hit the pickle, PULL!​

​

On the deck, at 500 knots​

He screams across the sky​

The Gomer missile hits its mark​

Now he’ll surely die​

​

He had no chance to recover​

No time to hit eject​

He crashed into the jungle trees​

In a fiery wreck​

​

But his life was not in vain​

Upon his death don’t frown​

Remember the men who gave their lives​

When they flew “Downtown”​

​

​

 

[Recovering LSO]

two clarifications for you: it's the iron maiden (if you're referring to the KC-135 center line drogue), and you don't "hit" eject. You pull a handle.

 

[Mumbles]

Standby for an EO IG for even thinking of calling a missile a Gomer.

 

[Catmando]

Thanks for the poem.

While some states have designated a Vietnam Veterans day, the US Senate finally declared, after 38 years, it nationally.

Earlier this month the United States Senate declared March 30, 2011 as "Welcome Home Vietnam Veterans Day." This particular date was chosen because on March 30, 1973, remaining U. S. troops withdrew from Vietnam under the terms of the Treaty of Paris.

Unfortunately and ironically, yesterday passed without my notice.

 

[Lovebug201]

^^^ I missed that also. All I can say is welcome home Cat, A-4's BZB etc.

 

[A4sForever]

^^^ I missed that also. All I can say is welcome home Cat, A-4's BZB etc.

Likewise ... glad to see all the press 'it got'. But anyway, we're used to that, aren't we ???

At least it's about time.

Welcome back, guys.

 

[A4sForever]

“Downtown”

In the early hours of dawn
Amidst the squalling fury
He launches off the pitching deck
To Indian territory

Tons of thrust behind him
And tons of iron slung below
He slices through the morning air
Headed to the show

Dancing with the Iron Maid
The sweat drips from his brow
Gased up, he heads on toward land
The target is “Downtown”

The flack explodes like dragons breath
It’s thicker than one’s skull
Roll wings level, sight on target
Hit the pickle, PULL!

On the deck, at 500 knots
He screams across the sky
The Gomer missile hits its mark
Now he’ll surely die

He had no chance to recover
No time to hit eject
He crashed into the jungle trees
In a fiery wreck

But his life was not in vain
Upon his death don’t frown
Remember the men who gave their lives
When they flew “Downtown”

​

Good job; excellent effort, in point of fact.

Some suggestions:

"Indian Country" ... vice 'Indian territory' ...
Iron "hung" below ... vice 'slung' ...
The Show -- caps ... vice lower case ...
TEXACO ... vice Iron Maid ...
Topped off ... vice 'Gased up' ...
PICKLE, PAUSE, and PULL!! ... vice 'hit the pickel, PULL!' ...
"Uncle Ho's missile" ... vice 'The Gomer missile' ...
"He had no chance to eject, no time to pull the handle" ... vice what you've got ...

I don't want to screw up any rhymes or rhythms ... these are just suggestions, i.e. the way we talked.

** Excellent effort, again ... I appreciate it, on a personal level. **

 

[Flugelman]

Thanks for the poem.

While some states have designated a Vietnam Veterans day, the US Senate finally declared, after 38 years, it nationally.

Unfortunately and ironically, yesterday passed without my notice.

Back in June '05 Ross Perot, AMR (American Airlines), UPS Stores, and others came together to create Operation Homecoming in Branson, Missouri to honor Viet Nam Vets. It was a week of fun, remembrances, and at times, tears. The Grand Finale was an open air stage show with the likes of Tony Orlando, John Fogerty, Adrian Cronaeur (Good Morning Viet Nam). I have come across only one mention of the event on national news channels. Where else but Fox News. Hannity interviewed Ross Perot about the event.

 

[MIDNJAC]

PICKLE, PAUSE, and PULL!!

I guess some things never change I wonder if WWII aircrew used the same mantra....

 

[brownshoe]

Thanks for the poem.

While some states have designated a Vietnam Veterans day, the US Senate finally declared, after 38 years, it nationally.

Unfortunately and ironically, yesterday passed without my notice.

I watched the video, but I’m very sorry to say I wasn’t impressed. Oh I’m glad they designated a day for the Vietnam era vets. And thanks for posting the link, I wasn’t aware of this either. All I can say is that it’s about time. The men and women who served in that shithole deserve this. Not only for their service in Vietnam, but also for the abuse that they took from the American people at the time. Funny thing is… nothing was ever done by the government about this abuse.

I was never “in country” but I did serve during the Vietnam War era (as many others here on the forum. Both 'in country' and CONUS). When I traveled in uniform I was called names, spit at, and endured other abuses by the people that I was sworn to protect. I will say this for the airlines: Military Standby wasn’t really Military Standby, when I was in uniform I always got a seat no matter how crowded the plane. But otherwise no one ever thanked me or acknowledged my service. I’m so glad that has all changed now. Service men and women are regularly acknowledged today.

Sorry for the rant…

Steve

 

[Boomhower]

I was fully expecting this poem to start with "There once was a man from Nantucket..."

 

[BACONATOR]

I was fully expecting this poem to start with "There once was a man from Nantucket..."

No, that is reserved for the limericks at mess meetings, dining outs, and wardroom FNG introductions...

 

[jeff_264]

Thanks for all the comments yall. A4's I appreciate the suggestions, Its the least I could do for you men who served over there. Im gonna work your suggestions in the best I can and hope my english teachers buzzsaw dosn't screw it up for sake of correctness. I'd rather the wording be authentic, over the form being right. Again thanks for all the help.