"It's not all choker whites and Dining Outs"

[spyce]

Ladies- A warning for those of you who have significant others at OCS. Thought I would share my story with you so it doesn't happen to you.

My ex-husband was an officer candidate in Spring 1999. I was 2 months pregnant when he left for his 13 weeks. We were high school sweethearts; I had no doubt that we would make it through this first hurdle in our young marriage.

I wasn't able to make down to Pensacola for his first weekend of liberty. We were tight on money with the baby coming so I decided to just stay home. I told him to go out and have a good time for the both of us.

Later I found out he did. Too good a time. He hooked up with a Pensacola Hoochie his FIRST weekend of liberty!

Of course I didn't find this out til later. Then, when I made it up to Pensacola for his graduation, I happened to be looking for our camera in his bag and found some pictures he had had developed. There were pictures of him with a fellow female OC where they were a little too close.

I immediately suspected something had happened between them. But I didn't say anything. There I was, almost 6 months pregnant. I thought my hormones were out of control and I was being irrational.

We moved to Newport. He started SWOS. A few weeks later a young woman from my husband's class, the same OC from the pictures, shows up at my doorstep. Tells me she's been having an affair with my husband since Pensacola. Apparently he tried to break it off with her so she fessed up to me. Told me about the hoochie in Pensacola, too.

But I was a new mother and really wanted my marriage to work. I forgave my husband and we started anew. Things were great for awhile. Then he went on deployment. Sure enough, exactly 7 months later a female petty officer shows up on my doorstep (deja vu). She was pregnant.

That's when I finally said enough was enough.

Now I knew all my suspicions were on track. Sent him divorce papers and moved back with my parents to make a new start.

Ladies - be careful! If you ask me, OCS should stand for Outta Control Sex! Be very vigilant with your OC's. I wouldn't want anyone to have the same fate as me and my little daughter.

 

[solenita72]

You know, I am really sorry that all happened to you. It seems to me that with that many occurances, that he would of been unfaithful to you regardless of the type job he held. I'm glad that you had the sense to leave him before you were hurt more. With that said, not all men are the way your ex-husband is. OCS did not make him do those things, he used the seperation from you to do that because of the type person he was. He definately does not live up to what an officer should be.

Good luck to you and your daughter. I was a single mom for 2 years before I met my incredible Officer Candidate. We have been married for three years and he adopted my daughter one year ago. He will be commissioned in January. He is proof that there are great guys out there!!

 

[Kathy]

Spyce,

I'm very sorry to hear what happened to you and your daughter. I don't doubt that there are probably both men and women that go to OCS and have this type of experience, but I would like to think that this is not the "norm."

The opportunity to cheat exists everywhere - not just in Pensacola - and it exists on both sides. I completely trust that Hartman is doing the right thing while he's gone, and I know that he trusts me as well. I think that if any of our Candidates wanted to cheat, the opportunities probably would have been there long before OCS and they would have taken advantage of them then if that was what they were looking for. I'm sorry that there are people out there like that, and I'm sorry that you found one of them.

I'm glad you got rid of the jerk!

 

[LadyJayUSN]

Origionally posted by spyce:Ladies- A warning for those of you who have significant others at OCS. Thought I would share my story with you so it doesn't happen to you.

My ex-husband was an officer candidate in Spring 1999.

Good for him. [8D]

There were pictures of him with a fellow female OC where they were a little too close. I immediately suspected something had happened between them.

First time: Shame on him.

Then he went on deployment. Sure enough, exactly 7 months later a female petty officer shows up on my doorstep (deja vu). She was pregnant.

Second time: Shame on you.

A warning to all you ladies/gentlemen who have significant others serving as Officers in the United States Navy. These actions are not standard operating procedures for every married service member in the military. Military marriages are special and require an extra-ordinary amount of trust. Your husbands/wives will be serving alongside of and spenging long periods out-to-sea with, intellegent, attractive individuals with whom they share common goals and interests. If that makes you, the spouse, very uncomfortable...my advice: make sure you express your uneasiness with your significant other and deal with the issue before it becomes one.

Spyce, I am not too sure I find your little forum all that informative. As a matter-of-fact, I found it down right ignorant because you paint some obscure picture about scandalous female service members and your infidelous husband. Just remember, faithfulness is a 2-way street. If I had a nickle for every time a sailor in my division found out his wife/husband was cheeting on him/her...I'd be rich.

<I SWIM 'CAUSE I'M TOO DAMNED SEXY FOR SPORTS THAT REQUIRE CLOTHING>

 

[solenita72]

Hey, now LadyJay....no need to bite her head off....It may not of been an appropriate post for this website, but it is posted, she voiced her opinion and that is that. Let's not have a cat fight now. You and I know that there are all sorts of people in the military, she just happened to get a bitter taste of some of the bad ones.

 

[LadyJayUSN]

Cat fight? Oh please.

<I SWIM 'CAUSE I'M TOO DAMNED SEXY FOR SPORTS THAT REQUIRE CLOTHING>

 

[WFU2USN]

Hello All,

There are adulterous men AND women (definitely not just women) in the Navy, or the military for that fact...in most places in the world. It's not specific to the enlisted or officer communities... If someone is apt to cheat, they're apt to cheat.

Military marriages do require an extreme amount of trust, there is absolutely no question about that.

Spyce - you're entitled to vent, that's part of what a forum is...both your exhusband and the women he cheated with were at fault and there's no excuse, especially since he's an officer and they're supposed to be held to a higher standard. I'm glad to say though that most sailors are professionals that do not pull that BS.

Anyhow...just my 2 cents...

Robin

 

[Heineken]

Spyce- I was glad to see you wanted to inform us about things that do sometimes happen. The fact is there are people who would have never dreamed stuff like this could happen at OCS. You really touched my heart with your story because I am married to a guy who is leaving for OCS in Aug. We also have a 17 month old son. I think you have every right to be angry. I know if I were in your shoes I would be. My husband and I have a very open relationship and that is something we have talked about. He can't see how someone could throw away his family for a fling. I wish I could say all men think like that but we all know they don't. It seems these days some men and women don't respect a marriage. I will say if cheating is in someones heart it doesn't matter if they are always home or never home they will find a way to do what they want.
Just remember you deserve better! Good luck.

 

[autumn]

Uh oh I posted that note under my husbands name. He is going to love that!!!!

 

[ghost_ttu]

autumn, you had me all excited thinking that we just heard from henneke again, and then "My husband..." and I was like ummmm interesting..... We still love you though autumn!

Eliminate distractions, continuously work hard, vision what you hope to accomplish.

 

[Heineken]

It's all part of my new plan to get more posts than you! We can't have an Air Force bum having the most posts on a Navy site!

 

[spyce]

Solenita, Autumn, HarmansGirl,

Thanks for being so understanding. Just thought that I should let you guys know what really goes on in OCS. I've been around this Navy stuff for awhile so I know what kind of things really go on.

Hopefully your OCs are as good as you say, but I know the navy motto is "What happens on liberty, STAYS on liberty," and if Lady Jay tries to deny it, she's totally lying.

Of course not all military guys are bad, but here's the fact: Of the four female OC's in my ex-husband's class, ALL FOUR slept with OCS classmates, two of whom were married, and one engaged.

This goes on class after class, trust me.


LadyJay,
Sorry, but statistics speak for themselves. It seems quite ignorant of you to ignore that divorce rate and adultery among service men and women is way above the numbers of their civilian counterparts.

Good luck to all of you.

 

[e5b-wife]

Originally posted by spyce
Solenita, Autumn, HarmansGirl,

Thanks for being so understanding. Just thought that I should let you guys know what really goes on in OCS. I've been around this Navy stuff for awhile so I know what kind of things really go on.

Hopefully your OCs are as good as you say, but I know the navy motto is "What happens on liberty, STAYS on liberty," and if Lady Jay tries to deny it, she's totally lying.

Of course not all military guys are bad, but here's the fact: Of the four female OC's in my ex-husband's class, ALL FOUR slept with OCS classmates, two of whom were married, and one engaged.

This goes on class after class, trust me.


LadyJay,
Sorry, but statistics speak for themselves. It seems quite ignorant of you to ignore that divorce rate and adultery among service men and women is way above the numbers of their civilian counterparts.

Good luck to all of you.

Spyce-
I'm really sorry for your experience. It is unfortunate that there are people out there who do not respect their marriage vows. I wish for you and your child that things had worked out better. But now you can make a new life but you have got to stop being so bitter.
Yes the divorce rate is higher among military than civilians but it's not just because of OCS. Get a grip. I'd be willing to bet that at least half of the failed marriages in the military come either after OCS or on the enlisted side. When a spouse has to be deployed as long as the men and women of the NAvy and Marine Corps are some people just can't hack it. And it's not just the service member of the family that does the cheating. I have heard countless stories of men on ship receiving video tapes from their wives of her having sex with another man. What a crappy, childish way to break the news to him. But it is true that those people who are bound to cheat will do it regardless of their occupation. And don't get so down on females in the military, remember that cheating is a two way street.
That said, the key to making any marriage work is hard work. Love doesn't come easy or without some sacrifices. But in this life the spouse that gets left behind has to be strong and independent enough to survive and so does the one that leaves.
The thing is Spyce, when you lump all the OCs into a group with your husband you're making a generalization that you can't back up and you could plant the seed of discord in other marriages that are otherwise healthy.
I really am sorry that your husband cheated on you. I can only imagine how painful that must be.

 

[LadyJayUSN]

Origionally posted by spyce:
Just thought that I should let you guys know what really goes on in OCS. I've been around this Navy stuff for awhile so I know what kind of things really go on.

And this is because you have how much active duty sea time? Maybe I'm just confused, but I could have sworn you said it was your husband that joined the Navy, not you.

Of the four female OC's in my ex-husband's class, ALL FOUR slept with OCS classmates. LadyJay,Sorry, but statistics speak for themselves.

Let me guess, these so called 'statistics' are based upon the information given to you by your lying, cheating ex-husband right? Or maybe it was from the other wives who claim they were cheated on too.

Listen, Spyce, it really sucks that you and your husband weren't able to overcome your problems. I was just to stunned by your forum to express my sympathy in an appropriate manner. You have my apologies.[V]

However, I am still a little ticked off about the conclusions you've come to and promote about women in the military, especially since all of your gouge is based on questionable, second-hand, and most definately biased information. I'm not ignorant about infidelity in the service. I don't condone it, and I certainly don't promote it.

Ladies (and husbands too), I understand that when you marry someone in the military, in so many ways, you're married to their branch of service too. OMBUDSMAN played an extrodinary role in the successfulness of many of our ship's evolutions. Your job is hard and ya'll have my greatest levels of appreciation.

<I SWIM 'CAUSE I'M TOO DAMNED SEXY FOR SPORTS THAT REQUIRE CLOTHING>

 

[Goliath112]

Originally posted by Patmack18
OK...

By the way, an Officer knocking up an enlisted? Is he still even IN the Navy?
Pat

happens all the time Pat. both ways.. you'll certainly see that when you get out in the fleet. There is an unwritten rule about not paying attention to this kind of thing. (personally I could give a flying f**k about who does who) Certainly, it is not good for morale, but for the most part it doesn't hurt anything expect the cheaters significant others. (for which I extend my sympathies and tell you victims to go cheat right back and send him/her a video when he/she is out to sea.) I would like to say that, although cheating is rampant in the Navy, it's exsistence is not something that we condone. only a side effect of having people in such close quarters and away from home for such long periods.