Humor: Army of One

[webmaster]

Perhaps you've heard - the US Army got rid of "Be All You Can Be" and replaced the slogan with "An Army of One".....

I AM AN ARMY OF ONE
I am the 18-24 year old being targeted by this new marketing concept, the very embodiment of "what's in it for ME?" The legacy of the politically correct years. It's okay to be immoral and a pervert, and if anyone tries to mold me too vigorously into a something that resembles a warrior, I'll tell my congressperson!

I AM AN ARMY OF ONE
Teamwork? My chain of command consists of ME, MYSELF, and I. I'm destined to be a dot-com millionaire. Just give me all that college money, and take it easy on the discipline stuff. When divisions of Chinese are racing toward my outpost like rabid lemmings I'll break out my stress card and pack my Task-Force-Smith-smellin' ass back to Milwaukee.

I AM AN ARMY OF ONE
I have Carpal-Tunnel Syndrome, I'm great at Nintendo, and my androgynous, sensitive physique can't handle 10 properly executed push-ups. I couldn't blast my way into an old folk's home, let alone stand my ground in an impromptu bar room brawl. I am a product of social engineering and 6 hours of TV a day; my idea of a "Survivor" is not a Medal of Honor winner who killed three Vietnamese with his e-tool before being shot and left for dead, but a pudgy, manipulative gay guy on an island shared with other losers.

I AM AN ARMY OF ONE
Concepts like duty, honor, and country are passé'. If it Involves sacrifice of my individuality to become part of a team, I'll punch out and spend the rest of my life hanging out with my Microsoft employee slacker buddies in Seattle, speaking in learned tones about an unfortunate period in my life where I endured the indignities of military service. Oh, the Patton movie? Haven't seen it.

I AM AN ARMY OF ONE
Gimme Gimme Gimme. What can I do for my country? Ha. Let me ask that after I've feathered my nest like so many of the non-veteran, Draft dodging, privileged Ivy Leaguers populating Capitol Hill. Cater to me first, pander to me as an individual, and after I don the uniform, continue to treat me with kid gloves, and let me punch out before things get really tough-where I might actually have to risk my life for my country, because...

I AM AN ARMY OF ONE!!!!

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Recieved this in the email the other day, we have a couple ex Cannon Fodder, err Army guys around here on the forum somewhere, is this true of today's recruit?

I mean, this could just as easily apply to any of the services. While it is definitely a satirical comment, I just seem to recall when I went in back in '91 that I kept hearing the CPOs and Officers mentioning that the "quality of the recruits sure has gone down". Values, morals, work ethics and outlook on life and responsibilities change with each generation, from gen x to gen me, to who knows what comes next??

What do you think? I guess I am just an optimistic person, that basically thinks that you bring a person in, get them motivated and take care of them, that you have won half the battle, and help them to succeed. But it is just as easy to stand back and watch them fail, and blame them, and in turn stereotype their generation.

 

[Jason Williams]

John, They still hit us when i was in. Oh you would never hear about that but it happened. My first Drill SGT was busted from E-6 to E-5 for smacking a guy in the head with an E-tool. I have heard that they have this "stress card" what a bunch of crap. If you cant pull your head out of your A@? to complete a task then your deserve all the attention ERRR hell that a properly trained Drill SGT can rain down on you. I believe that the warriors that we knew as kids are still here. I had the privelege of training with and watching some of the Ranger Battalions and the Seal insertion team at Pearl. They are truley hardcore warriors and I sleep well knowing they are my blanket of freedom that Im under every night. Softer yes but not a softer soldier. Hopefully with a former Voodoo driver in the White House we will see the standards creep up.

former
SPC Jason WIlliams
1/27 Infantry "Wolfhounds" 25th Infantry Division "light"

soon to be
Officer Canidate Williams "SNA"

 

[Dave Shutter]

When I wore the salad suit (90-93) and if you were wearing a Kevlar or CVC (helmet)and did something stupid, especially in the Tank when you can't hear and yelling is ineffective, expect to get knocked on the head by something by your NCO. As for wacking someone on the head (uncovered?) with an e-tool, well, we were taught to kill the enemy with that technique as a last resort if we ran out of ammo.

As an ex-Army guy and a media-film grad, I pay a lot of attention to the military ads and I basically agree totally with the above posted essay. If I were a marketing and advertisement campaign producer responsible for getting todays spoiled-slacker-whiner quasi-hippie genetic mistakes to sign up, it's more or less the exact type of campaign I would engineer.

Occasionally I've seen news programs on the current "state" of the military (only occasionally in the last few years, because news of a poor military might have made a certain ex-CIC look bad) and I'm often treated to footage of Boot Camp recruits leisurely strolling around parade fields for PT because the practice of running itself is considered far too stressful, or just randomly popping off rounds down range because actually being graded for accuracy is deemed as "no longer required".

It's hypocritical to me to the point of humor that the same media sources that are so quick to admonish our Government for the current military situation, have been the exact same entities in the last ten years or so pushing for "change" in the armed forces. Specifically for all the varied services "Dinosaurs" (y'know, all the old guys who've actually faught in large scale wars, and have seen piles of bodies) to "get with it" and stop being so old fashioned! One of my favorites is good old Sam Donaldson. One minute He's flamba'ing Admirals and Generals with garlic and white wine on issues ranging from discrimination on ships and harrasment in Academies and the next minute he's on his mega-phone on a hilltop echoing reports that the Army isn't ready to fight a two front war!

That said, we can lay blame wherever we want for the situation, but ultimately it's our leaders in Govt. who either allow or force the degeneration of the Armed Forces whenever it occurs, and who's responsible for hiring them?

I was done "being all I could be" in 93' and as for a Stress Card (???) I've never heard of it, and by the sounds of it, I don't want to either!

D

 

[Kyle McWhirter]

I also heard that Jenny Craig is going to use the "Army of One" slogan for her new weight loss campaign. "Our members eat so much...they are each an Army of One!"

 

[Falcaner]

Actually on an interesting note,

i was watching MTV the other day and they had the real world on, in this particular episod they had two teams get sent to Navy sub school.

I just had to laugh to some of this because the two teams were completely different, one had no problem with following instructions, the other was exactly the opposite and hated being told what to do. As one of the guys said(this is a direct quote) " I don't have a problem with autority i just dont like people telling me what to do, I just question it."

Well when it came down to it the two teams went into the compatment were they pratice stopping flooding on a sub. the team who listened to orders did not stop all the leeks but the sub did not sink. The team with the "authority problem" did whatever the wanted to to and the sub sank!

Which team would you rather have on a sub with you???