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Future Jag Wife. Maybe..

okie777

New Member
My husband will be attending OCC 222 on a law contract this summer. Obviously I'm his biggest cheerleader :) This has been his dream for so long. For those who have gone through OCS, how do you recommend I best encourage him. He's confident but also humble to receive any advice from those who've gone before him.

What are your tips for him?
What is your advice to me as his wife?

Thanks! Have a great day.
 

Flash

SEVAL/ECMO
None
Super Moderator
Contributor
What is your advice to me as his wife?

Be patient and supportive. That may seem like redundant advice but a career in the military can be trying for even the best of couples, even for JAGs :D. One of the best pieces of advice for new folks in a unit is to shut up, listen and learn for the first few months. The same could be said for spouses too, there is a lot to learn so listening and a willingness to learn is pretty key for you too. Other than that, can't offer you much else other than good luck to you and your husband.

There is a spouses group/section here you might want to join, they can probably give you much better advice.
 

okie777

New Member
Be patient and supportive. That may seem like redundant advice but a career in the military can be trying for even the best of couples, even for JAGs :D. One of the best pieces of advice for new folks in a unit is to shut up, listen and learn for the first few months. The same could be said for spouses too, there is a lot to learn so listening and a willingness to learn is pretty key for you too. Other than that, can't offer you much else other than good luck to you and your husband.

There is a spouses group/section here you might want to join, they can probably give you much better advice.

Awesome. Thanks!
Could you maybe point me to the spouse group? :)
 

villanelle

Nihongo dame desu
Contributor
For the Spouse's section, go to the main page (or click on the header of this page) and scroll down a bit until you see "Private Spouses Corner". You may need to PM a moderator to get access, or there's a thread somewhere in which you can post asking for it, I believe. Unfortunately, it gets almost no traffic so there's not much info and there aren't many responses to questions. There are other message boards for military spouses and significant others. You can google, or you can PM me if you want. They all seem to have different cultures and personalities, so you might want to join a few and see which ones are good fits for you.

My advice as a spouse is more or less to back off and let him handle it. Trust that he's competent and smart and that he has good judgment. Support him, of course, but resist the urge to step in and guide him or to do things for him. With the military, the lines between professional and personal can easily be blurred, but generally I think one does well to ask herself (or himself) whether she'd take that step she's considering if her husband worked for Apple or Zappos or Joe's Refrigerator Repair. Would you call and ask about his paycheck? Would you call them when you are in a pinch for a baby sitter or your car won't start? Would you call his boss to report almost anything? If the answer is no, then you probably shouldn't call his military boss either. There are a few exceptions, but very few. And many times, even if you do make the call yourself, you'll be shut down because they can or will only speak with the service member.

You trust this man and presumably think highly of him and his intellect and decision making, so trust him to get the info he needs, to make good decisions, and to succeed. Of course there are plenty of parts of this that affect both of you, and those should be discussed as a couple. This is things like where to request as a next location, or other big picture career choices. Those bleed heavily in to personal areas. So I'm not saying you need to sit back and meekly accept what he tells you and what he decides. Anyone who even half knows me would laugh heartily at the word "meek" being used to describe me. Discuss things with him, have your say, ask your questions, be part of the process. But that happens at the relationship level, and he's then responsible for relaying those decisions and questions to the military. He should be the one asking questions of his chain of command and then relaying that info to you. If can be frustrating as hell at times, especially if you are independent-minded, but it really does work best that way. It is his job. Treat it as such, and treat him as a capable partner, not someone whom you need to take care of by handling what is his business, literally.

Good luck to him, and to you!
 

okie777

New Member
For the Spouse's section, go to the main page (or click on the header of this page) and scroll down a bit until you see "Private Spouses Corner". You may need to PM a moderator to get access, or there's a thread somewhere in which you can post asking for it, I believe. Unfortunately, it gets almost no traffic so there's not much info and there aren't many responses to questions. There are other message boards for military spouses and significant others. You can google, or you can PM me if you want. They all seem to have different cultures and personalities, so you might want to join a few and see which ones are good fits for you.

My advice as a spouse is more or less to back off and let him handle it. Trust that he's competent and smart and that he has good judgment. Support him, of course, but resist the urge to step in and guide him or to do things for him. With the military, the lines between professional and personal can easily be blurred, but generally I think one does well to ask herself (or himself) whether she'd take that step she's considering if her husband worked for Apple or Zappos or Joe's Refrigerator Repair. Would you call and ask about his paycheck? Would you call them when you are in a pinch for a baby sitter or your car won't start? Would you call his boss to report almost anything? If the answer is no, then you probably shouldn't call his military boss either. There are a few exceptions, but very few. And many times, even if you do make the call yourself, you'll be shut down because they can or will only speak with the service member.

You trust this man and presumably think highly of him and his intellect and decision making, so trust him to get the info he needs, to make good decisions, and to succeed. Of course there are plenty of parts of this that affect both of you, and those should be discussed as a couple. This is things like where to request as a next location, or other big picture career choices. Those bleed heavily in to personal areas. So I'm not saying you need to sit back and meekly accept what he tells you and what he decides. Anyone who even half knows me would laugh heartily at the word "meek" being used to describe me. Discuss things with him, have your say, ask your questions, be part of the process. But that happens at the relationship level, and he's then responsible for relaying those decisions and questions to the military. He should be the one asking questions of his chain of command and then relaying that info to you. If can be frustrating as hell at times, especially if you are independent-minded, but it really does work best that way. It is his job. Treat it as such, and treat him as a capable partner, not someone whom you need to take care of by handling what is his business, literally.

Good luck to him, and to you!


Thanks Villanelle! Really means a lot. You've made very valid points. The last thing I'd want to do is get in the way or be a nagging nuisance. Especially since that would only hinder him! And you're right, I do need to trust him to do his best because this has been HIS dream all along. If supporting him means backing off, I can do that :)

Thanks again! I will look for that spouse's group.
 
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