Any Friendly advice for my wife???

[DreaminBig-Ken]

Well, I'm coming up on my 2 year anniversary and I'm 2 years away from completing college and re-joining the military. My wife and I are both veterans, but she would much rather me use my Computer Science degree to get a civilian job. 99.9% is sure that I want to be a military officer though. She told me (this morning) she supports me, but she said it as if she had lost the battle or as if she had no choice. I don't want her to feel as though she won't enjoy herself. She's woried about employment, friends and a social life. (She likes to talk too!) We both grew up in the hood and we both were Enlisted for 5 years so she knows what type of people she doesn't want to be around. I know everything will be fine, but she's hesitant to become a Navy Officer wife. She heard stories about a Spouse Boot Camp for etiquette and I don't have an answer for that. So any informative or warm words would be greatly appreciated. Thanks and Take Care.

 

[NFOwife]

Not sure about a "Spouse Boot Camp" for etiquette....never heard of that! Do you think she has a skewed view of officer wives because of being on the enlisted side or something, and having a bad experience?
I can tell you that in our fleet squadron wives club, I made some wonderful friends, and there was no "etiquitte" needed....we were just a bunch of friends there to support each other. It is a great support system to have. Unfortunately OSC's (Officer Spouse Clubs) are not really active until you're out in the fleet (because that's when they're most needed) so it will be a while before she participates in one to really see the benefits. But, it's a tight knit community with lots of friendship and cameraderie. If your wife wants to join on here and ask questions over in the Private Spouse's Corner, please encourage her to do so. There are quite a few of us wives/SO's over there who have been in the fleet with our husbands and can answer her questions.
Best of luck in making the decision that is best for your family.

 

[Fred]

There haven't been mandatory etiquette classes for Navy wives for at least they past 20 years. I love the Navy life and wouldn't change it for anything. Tell her the stereotype of O wives is just that and not reality. : )

 

[Steve Wilkins]

I love the Navy life and wouldn't change it for anything.

Care to be a SWO?

 

[Fred]

No, thanks. I'll stick to the Navy spouse side of the Navy.

 

[HrntDrvrsWife]

I have to agree with Fred.
I think there is a negative stereotype because of the crossover between officers being over enlisted, and that is typical of the civilian world as well.
My dad was enlisted for 20 years, and he had all types of negatives against officers. He said there are good officers and not so good officers, and that ultimately it was just the authority position that was difficult to swallow 9 times out of 10 and the maturity level of such the young age most enlisted tend to be.
I think the service has come a long way since those days. Not that there aren't still those officers who have the "well, I am an officer" type of attitude, but they are far and few between at least in the aviation community. I don't know of very many officers who don't show an amazing amount of respect towards those enlisted who keep their flying machines up in the air.
The spouse's group is an amazing support group and she will have a pretty amazing group of friends. Who best to know how to relate to all the demands the military lifestyle holds?
She will be subjected to all different types of spouses..those who deal with it very well, those who like to complain, those who can't listen to complainers, and those who just relate/listen with understanding to them all(that's me :icon_mi_1 ).
She will be attracted, so to speak, to the ones who are most where she is at in her life and to her personality, and she will be ok.
Being a military spouse isn't for everyone though, and hopefully, you are listening to her now vs. later. Like my husband says "if momma ain't happy, ain't no one gonna be happy".
I have seen many a wife who have not only made themselves, their children, and their husband miserable, but it makes life in the squadron miserable as well.
Good Luck to you!
HrntDrvrsWife :cowboy_12

 

[Steve Wilkins]

I have to agree with Fred.
I think there is a negative stereotype because of the crossover between officers being over enlisted, and that is typical of the civilian world as well.
My dad was enlisted for 20 years, and he had all types of negatives against officers. He said there are good officers and not so good officers.....

You have to consider the dynamics that new officers are put into. Most new officers are young, fresh out of college. They know next to nothing, and nowadays even less when they report to their first ship. Yet they are expected to provide leadership and manage their people. Sounds like backward logic to me that we have these young new officers leading and managing people that are the same age or older. A new officer's division will know that he knows nothing, yet much will be expected from him. They won't care that he's green; he still needs to lead. His CO, XO, and Dept. Head will not care that he knows nothing; they expect results. Period.

What's a guy in that type of situation supposed to do? Well, he can either do nothing and suffer the consequences. Or he can do what he's supposed to do and listen to his chief. He should be extracting every piece of knowlege his chief has. At the same time mind you, he still has to provide leadership for the chief too. It's a weird dynamic to be in. As weird as it may sound, the chief should be training this guy to be a good officer. He's already had the training to become an officer, but now the chief just needs to show him how to be a good one.

And just because his division may not have a chief is no excuse. He should find one that he is able to connect with. Ships have a bunch of chiefs on them....they're easy to find. Just go to the mess. Knock twice, and remove cover. Pretty easy.

I have seen many a wife who have not only made themselves, their children, and their husband miserable, but it makes life in the squadron miserable as well.

Amen to that! Applies to ships to.

 

[Fred]

A new officer's division will know that he knows nothing, yet much will be expected from him. They won't care that he's green; he still needs to lead. His CO, XO, and Dept. Head will not care that he knows nothing; they expect results. Period.

If his CO, XO, and Dept. Head, don't care he knows nothing and only expect results ....it doesn't say much about their leadership style. My husband has been very fortunate over the years and for the most part had very good leadership. They have led by example, provided training, made sure good pass downs were in place, etc.

I am in total agreement with the odd dynamics between senior enlisted and junior officers.

 

[HrntDrvrsWife]

You are so right!
In my opinion, a intelligent officer will look to the "elder" more seasoned enlisted for direction/advice especially if they are just coming in. That in itself makes a huge impact on say that chief you were referring to.
Who doesn't like to "teach" or educate someone how to be successful at what they do, or to be told they are doing a great job, can you teach me what you've learned?
An officer who has the ability to recognize that stands to gain so much more than what they had to "learn" to become an officer.
If only everyone would learn to respect each other regardless of their position or title. :banghead_
It's those officers who come in thinking they know everything and are overly confident that creates the stereotype & negative feelings to begin with.
HrntDrvrsWife :cowboy_12

 

[DreaminBig-Ken]

Thanks.

Thanks for all the feedback

 

[ET1sWife]

She heard stories about a Spouse Boot Camp for etiquette and I don't have an answer for that. So any informative or warm words would be greatly appreciated. Thanks and Take Care.

I was most recently in the Va. Bch area and there was a Transitioning Wifes class that was for men/women going from enlisted to officer. I don't know that it is offered in all areas but it is not mandatory. My husband, previously an ET1 now a few days away from graduating from OCS, suggested that I go but it didnt tell me anything that wasn't obvious like manners and social behavior. Believe me, it wasn't necessary. If you want more info my husband is twidget and he loves to answer questions about OCS and the things you need to do before you put your package in.

 

[KimberlyD]

The etiquette classes are Junior Officer Spouse Classes & the really good commands do make them mandatory but they aren't true etiquette classes, they're informative classes for spouses to learn ab their responsibilities as Naval O's Wives. Some can be as stupid as how to arrange flowers but others go into the what to wear to what questions & how to hold a wetting down, all things that we need to know. One I attended was all ab how to set a buffet & hold a tea, guess what I was doing not 2 months later? I have heard that for XO & CO Spouses there are still etiquette classes but I'm not going to worry ab those, we'll be so thrilled if the Navy lets us stay long enough for him to achieve that rank that I'll go with a smile plastered on!

 

[webmaster]

If his CO, XO, and Dept. Head, don't care he knows nothing and only expect results ....it doesn't say much about their leadership style. My husband has been very fortunate over the years and for the most part had very good leadership. They have led by example, provided training, made sure good pass downs were in place, etc.

I am in total agreement with the odd dynamics between senior enlisted and junior officers.

As you said, hopefully you work for someone that values your contributions and recognizes your limitations. There is of course the fact that the system is designed to make leaders out of us, and in many cases the CO/XO/DH expect you to fail or have trouble with some tasks as part of the learning process. Helping you to learn when, where and how to ask for help. The problem is, there are too many micromanagers out there, whom also have poor leadership styles, and don't take the time or effort to develop the junior officer. On the flip side, you also encounter the CPOs that don't live up to their creed, and view the JO as just another irritation to his running of (insert shop or division). Though, that is also a good leadership challenge for a JO to overcome, lol.

One of the best things that the Navy has going for it, is the mentorship, and guidance a senior officer can provide a junior. The problem is finding the senior officer you can trust. You have to respect the rank, but sometimes you don't respect the person. I have been continuously fortunate to work for some amazing ppl, that have provided guidance and advice, and helped me learn from my mistakes, and grow in my ability to be a Naval Officer. But sadly, I have watched peers get stuck beneath tyrants, micromanagers, and butt kissing jockeys that steal credit and assign blame... The solution is of course a strong wardroom of your peers, so you can pass the word, and run intereference against these inDUHviduals.... my 2 cents on top of what Steve said, sorry for the tangent on the thread.

John