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Another NROTC Essay post

reece

New Member
I know this place is littered with these... but I really want to get some personalized feedback from people who are in this business and have been through the process. I am applying for the NROTC scholarship. I'll start in January as a College Programmer if I don't get selected. Here's what I've got:
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I was at Radioshack with my dad one day when I was 10. I admired him, of course, but the camo uniform he wore hadn’t meant much to me until a whole family approached him and shook his hand. “Thank you for your service”, they all said gratefully. It was this day that I was enlightened to the true honor and value of serving this great nation.

From that day on, I knew I was going to become part of something larger than myself. I thrive on teams and combined efforts to achieve a common goal. Something I love is finding my niche and putting everything I have into being the best at it. I get great satisfaction knowing that I was a key player in reaching our objective.

When I was 17, I attained my first leadership position in the workplace. The person I became when I was entrusted with the responsibility of overseeing and commanding a crew surprised me. I became more distinguished and could make decisions confidently. Playing this role on the team made me realize the potential I have to become a strong leader for a more valuable purpose.

The US Navy is among the most noble organizations on the planet. As an officer, I will have the opportunity to discover and master my niche and execute it with dignity and confidence. Whether that niche be on an aircraft, a ship, or a sub, my nature will not let me settle with mediocrity. I am wired to compete with myself to constantly raise the bar higher so that I may lead people by example. Leaders should lead from the front with actions, not from the back with instructions.

I am an ambitious person. Once my sights have been set, there isn’t much that can distract me. I become obsessed with the objective in mind, and I would almost go so far as to say I become emotionally involved with it. “I won’t let you down, baby,” I sometimes whisper to my goal. I’m motivated to satisfy my aim, no matter the price on the tag.

The showcased item at this time in my life is a career as a Naval Officer. I have spent countless hours reading, thinking, and dreaming about it. I will not be deterred from it, discouraged from it, or dissuaded from it. I am eagerly waiting to tackle whatever challenges are presented to me, because these challenges are what bring out the nobility in all of us. A collective cause of old fashioned American greatness is the ultimate purpose to work for. This target has been locked on and I am hungrily anticipating the Navy’s permission to fire
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Do you think I showed why the Navy needs someone like me?
Will the review board appreciate the comic relief I threw in?

Please give me some feedback on what I can improve on and whatnot. I'm not sensitive so don't be afraid to tell me it sucks. Thanks in advance guys!

Reece
 
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