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2001 Darwin Award Candidates

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2001 Darwin Award Candidates

The latest Darwin Awards update.... The Darwin Awards, for those not
familiar, are for those individuals who contribute to the survival of
the fittest by eliminating themselves from the gene pool before they
have a chance to breed.

1. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply,
because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with
milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited
into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire
burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.

2. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home
died of suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6'2"
tall and weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white
bra, black and white saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared
that he was trying to create a schoolgirl's uniform look.

He was also wearing a military gas mask that had the filter canister
removed and a rubber hose attached in its place. The other end of the
hose was connected to one end of a hollow wooden tube approximately
12" long and 3" in diameter. The tube's other end was inserted into
his rear end for reasons unknown, and was the cause of his
suffocation.

Police found the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to
his family very awkward.

3. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude
when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon
the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own
aircraft and crashed.

They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around
their ankles.

4. A police officer in Ohio responded to a 911 call. She had no
details before arriving, except that someone had reported that his
father was not breathing. Upon arrival, the officer found the man face
down on the couch, naked. When she rolled him over to check for a
pulse and to start CPR, she noticed burn marks around his genitals.

After the ambulance arrived and removed the man, who was declared
dead on arrival at the hospital, the police made a closer inspection
of the couch, and noticed that the man had made a hole between the
cushions. Upon flipping the couch over, they discovered what caused
his death.

Apparently the man had a habit of putting his penis between the
cushions, down into the hole and between two electrical sanders (with
the sandpaper removed, for obvious reasons).

According to the story, after his orgasm the discharge shorted out
one of the sanders, electrocuting him.

5. A 27-year-old French woman lost control of her car on a highway
near Marseilles and crashed into a tree, seriously injuring her
passenger and killing herself. As a commonplace road accident, this
would not have qualified for a Darwin nomination, were it not for the
fact that the driver's attention had been distracted by her Tamagotchi
key ring, which had started urgently beeping for food as she drove
along.

In an attempt to press the correct buttons to save the Tamagotchi's
life, the woman lost her own.

6. A 22-year-old Reston, VA man was found dead after he tried to use
octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle. Fairfax
County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of
these straps together, wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the
other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the
pavement.

Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think
Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of
the cord that he had assembled was greater than the distance between
the trestle and the ground", Carmichael said.

Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major Trauma".

7. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and
a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a
ball. The friend (no doubt, a future Darwin Awards candidate) was
hospitalized.

8. Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in Texas noticed the smell of
a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building, extinguishing
all potential sources of ignition - lights, power, etc. After the
building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company
were dispatched.

Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating
in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked (you can
see what's coming, can't you?).

Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching
into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette
lighter.

Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse
exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was
found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by
the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast had never
been thought of as 'bright' by his peers.
 
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