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Motivational Statement MEGA Thread

FSF17

Member
pilot
#1
I've been trying to write my motivational statement for a couple hours now, and I am finally finished with my rough draft. I've read some posts where you guys gave some great feedback to some other statements.... so anyway whadaya think?



And by the way, I am TERRIBLE at expressing myself...:icon_tong



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I believe that an officer in the US Navy should be patriotic and have a spirit of adventure and devotion beyond reproach and found seldom elsewhere. My character and willingness to learn make me an ideal candidate for OCS and the aviation community.
I could write volumes on why I love The United States, but I hope to let a distinguished record of service to my country stand as proof of my patriotism many years from now. Instead, I’ll say that it is that spirit of adventure and of being on the cutting edge that draws me to the Navy. I am also drawn to life at sea and in the air. Having spent the vast majority of my life in Kentucky, I am eager and willing to experience some change and to work in an environment where the work is more necessary than trivial in the grand scheme of things. I also hope to have a career where I can believe that the purpose of my work is vital, and for the sake of people’s lives, I would not seek a commission if I felt unable to meet the demands.
I am comfortable in leadership roles, and I am comfortable following. I focus not so much on my hierarchical standing as I do on the job at hand and it’s relation to the goal at hand. Ultimately, the role that provides the best outcome, the role at which I am most useful, is the one I want to play. The Navy interests me because I would not only have the opportunity to lead the best, but I would also have the chance to learn from and work with for the best our country has to offer. I view the naval aviation community as one of trust and teamwork, a community where one person can make little difference but a few can make quite an impact. I want more than anything else to be on that team, and I am certain that I can contribute to that team.
 

skim

Teaching MIDN how to drift a BB
None
Contributor
#2
My advice would be to search statements that have been posted before. Pretty much, essays seem to go along the lines of who you are, why the navy and what you can give the Navy. You seem to be all for the Navy, but I have not read what you can give to the Navy.
 
#4
I would highly recommend that you mention nothing about becoming a naval aviator. Remember you are applying to become a U.S. Naval Officer.
I don't necessarily agree completely with that. It's important to convey your true desires, and if becoming an aviator is something you're passionate about that will come through in your writing and hopefully make for a better overall statement. I do agree, however, that becoming an aviator should not be the main theme of the statement. Show the board that you want to be an officer first and foremost, and then explain your passion for aviation.

FWIW, I talked about my desire to enter the aviation community in my statement when I applied for SNA/SNFO and I got picked up for SNA my first time through.
 

RHPF

KSNA 059/2048
pilot
Contributor
#5
Not going to lie, it seems the people who do not post their statements on here get selected at a higher rate. I'd say write what you feel makes sense to you, let it sit for a couple weeks and see if it still makes sense (revise as needed). Give it a couple looks for grammar/spelling errors, and send it off.
 
#6
"In 400 words or less state why you are seeking a commission"


In my opinion the motivational statement isn't about talking yourself up. Thats a great way to look like a douchebag.

Speak from your heart and explain why you are seeking a commission. Remember, originality and honesty are all parts of leadership, so why not make this section your own?
 

utak

Registered User
#7
The motivation statement is a thin line between confidence and beating your chest, to humbleness and sincereness. No one can write this for you, I can't tell you how to write it, or edit it. No one can. It's your statement. It has to come from your heart, not ours.

First of all, you are applying to become a Naval officer. It's no walk in the park. This isn't Burger King or McDonalds. They have to realize that you have what it takes. You have to be decisive, no one wants a weakminded person to be a leader of sailors. You can't just tell them you are the shit, you have to show them that you are the shit as well. It's limited spots and you have to stand out to get selected, it's just nature of the beast. The realities of competition.

But on the other hand, you can't be saying that you are God's gift to the Navy. Nothing turns off a selection board like arrogance. I saw this really crappy motivation statement posted while back, the guy wrote "This is where I belong!" (*and* his statement was ridden with typos). I'm sure the boards figured out where he belonged, in the non-select category.

In mines, I wrote how my main reason for obtaining a commission is simple: "rise to the challenge." Since I'm active duty (and just got pro-recced), I wrote about how as a mustang, I'll lead others the same way I've been led. That's what I really thought, and still think till this day.
 

Schnugg

It's gettin' a bit dramatic 'round here...
None
Super Moderator
Contributor
#8
I've sent you a PM with some comments...don't take them personally.
 

Kickflip89

Below Ladder
None
Contributor
#9
When I wrote my motivational statement, I focused on two questions:

1) Why do I want to join the Navy? What evidence is there that I will enjoy being in the Navy and be able to stay motivated, overcome the challenges, etc..

2) Will I serve the Navy well? What evidence is there that I can adapt to and overcome challenging situations / stressful environments. Also, what experiences can I draw upon in order to be a good leader, etc.

I wrote 345 words just by answering those two questions (by using specifics from my own life), and throwing in 2 sentences at the end about why I applied to the aviation community.
 
#10
When I wrote my motivational statement, I focused on two questions:

1) Why do I want to join the Navy? What evidence is there that I will enjoy being in the Navy and be able to stay motivated, overcome the challenges, etc..

2) Will I serve the Navy well? What evidence is there that I can adapt to and overcome challenging situations / stressful environments. Also, what experiences can I draw upon in order to be a good leader, etc.
You should use those question to really look inward like these other fellas have stated.
I asked myself the very same questions and realized the Navy wasn't for me. I couldn't see myself being happy in the Navy if I didn't get an aviation slot.
I'm going Marines.:D
 

Recidivist

Registered User
#11
You should use those question to really look inward like these other fellas have stated.
I asked myself the very same questions and realized the Navy wasn't for me. I couldn't see myself being happy in the Navy if I didn't get an aviation slot.
I'm going Marines.:D
This is really sound advice. Say what you mean, and be articulate in it, but don't put somebody else's words in your mouth to get a spot. We can check your stuff to see if you leave some glaring Q's unanswered (and this would probably be better rec'd coming from winged folks or other officers), but this is from YOU. Bottom line is you'll be a much better candidate if you get selected because you said what you believed, and the board like it.

As for the motivational, if you're set on an aviation slot, and that's what you are passionate about, use it, BUT realize you are joining the navy, not a flying club. I used it and got selected for SNA, but I had some lingering Q's and had to withdraw. Now I'm Reapplying.
 

Spot

11.5 years and counting boat free
#12
IMO about putting the naval aviation thing in the statement, I think you should list the steps required to reach your ultimate goal. If your primary goal here is to be a naval aviator, put that down as your primary long term goal. This puts it all on the table and lets the board know you are focused and goal oriented and how far you plan on taking this new career and new life path. However, don't stay on the long term goal more than just stating it because you are writing about the first step to reaching that ultimate goal. This allows you to transition nicely into the central idea of your statement.
Hope my little bit of advice helps and good luck on it.
 

WishICouldFly

UO Future Pork Chop
#13
Do you think the board will look negatively on statements that go past 400 words? I'm having a hard time condensing mine, and there's still a lot I want to say.
 

Spot

11.5 years and counting boat free
#14
If the instruction says keep it to one page, I would definately keep it to one page. Have you asked any other people to take a look at it to see if there is any information that could be left out and still get your message across?
 

CaptainRon

Member
pilot
Contributor
#15
You're a good writer, man. In my brief scan, I found no typos or anything like that.

Here is my #1 problem with the essays on here that often get posted: there is very little concrete information in most of the writing that people post. Nobody likes to read something like "I am a goal-oriented, hard-working student who enjoys...etc., etc."

What people do like to read is something like, "The thing I learned from x-experience was that from time to time x and x and happen, and this is how you've gotta deal with it, etc. and this is exactly what I did that proves I am a fighter etc. etc."

Talk specifics, man. People like concrete stuff in writing. Think about the most boring articles you've gotta read for class--they are generally the ones with few specifics and all confusing theory.
 
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