I've been trying to write my motivational statement for a couple hours now, and I am finally finished with my rough draft. I've read some posts where you guys gave some great feedback to some other statements.... so anyway whadaya think?
And by the way, I am TERRIBLE at expressing myself...
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I believe that an officer in the US Navy should be patriotic and have a spirit of adventure and devotion beyond reproach and found seldom elsewhere. My character and willingness to learn make me an ideal candidate for OCS and the aviation community.
I could write volumes on why I love The United States, but I hope to let a distinguished record of service to my country stand as proof of my patriotism many years from now. Instead, I’ll say that it is that spirit of adventure and of being on the cutting edge that draws me to the Navy. I am also drawn to life at sea and in the air. Having spent the vast majority of my life in Kentucky, I am eager and willing to experience some change and to work in an environment where the work is more necessary than trivial in the grand scheme of things. I also hope to have a career where I can believe that the purpose of my work is vital, and for the sake of people’s lives, I would not seek a commission if I felt unable to meet the demands.
I am comfortable in leadership roles, and I am comfortable following. I focus not so much on my hierarchical standing as I do on the job at hand and it’s relation to the goal at hand. Ultimately, the role that provides the best outcome, the role at which I am most useful, is the one I want to play. The Navy interests me because I would not only have the opportunity to lead the best, but I would also have the chance to learn from and work with for the best our country has to offer. I view the naval aviation community as one of trust and teamwork, a community where one person can make little difference but a few can make quite an impact. I want more than anything else to be on that team, and I am certain that I can contribute to that team.
My advice would be to search statements that have been posted before. Pretty much, essays seem to go along the lines of who you are, why the navy and what you can give the Navy. You seem to be all for the Navy, but I have not read what you can give to the Navy.
"I concur it is 51 in reference to the original ships being 506 feet long rounding up to 51 from 50"
-bannedhatter (referring to the hull number of a AB class destroyer)
I would highly recommend that you mention nothing about becoming a naval aviator. Remember you are applying to become a U.S. Naval Officer.
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I don't necessarily agree completely with that. It's important to convey your true desires, and if becoming an aviator is something you're passionate about that will come through in your writing and hopefully make for a better overall statement. I do agree, however, that becoming an aviator should not be the main theme of the statement. Show the board that you want to be an officer first and foremost, and then explain your passion for aviation.Originally Posted by Lonestar155
FWIW, I talked about my desire to enter the aviation community in my statement when I applied for SNA/SNFO and I got picked up for SNA my first time through.
Not going to lie, it seems the people who do not post their statements on here get selected at a higher rate. I'd say write what you feel makes sense to you, let it sit for a couple weeks and see if it still makes sense (revise as needed). Give it a couple looks for grammar/spelling errors, and send it off.
"In 400 words or less state why you are seeking a commission"
In my opinion the motivational statement isn't about talking yourself up. Thats a great way to look like a douchebag.
Speak from your heart and explain why you are seeking a commission. Remember, originality and honesty are all parts of leadership, so why not make this section your own?
The motivation statement is a thin line between confidence and beating your chest, to humbleness and sincereness. No one can write this for you, I can't tell you how to write it, or edit it. No one can. It's your statement. It has to come from your heart, not ours.
First of all, you are applying to become a Naval officer. It's no walk in the park. This isn't Burger King or McDonalds. They have to realize that you have what it takes. You have to be decisive, no one wants a weakminded person to be a leader of sailors. You can't just tell them you are the shit, you have to show them that you are the shit as well. It's limited spots and you have to stand out to get selected, it's just nature of the beast. The realities of competition.
But on the other hand, you can't be saying that you are God's gift to the Navy. Nothing turns off a selection board like arrogance. I saw this really crappy motivation statement posted while back, the guy wrote "This is where I belong!" (*and* his statement was ridden with typos). I'm sure the boards figured out where he belonged, in the non-select category.
In mines, I wrote how my main reason for obtaining a commission is simple: "rise to the challenge." Since I'm active duty (and just got pro-recced), I wrote about how as a mustang, I'll lead others the same way I've been led. That's what I really thought, and still think till this day.
Last edited by nickUSN; 03-01-2007 at 07:35 PM. Reason: typo, whoops
I've sent you a PM with some comments...don't take them personally.
Posted by a real Navy Pilot: Navy pilot's swagger. Thank god I'm an NFO.
"Fighter Pilot Power Pack" "Afterburner Club" "Ed Rush" "fighter pilot" "former fighter pilot" "F-18 pilot" "Marine" or "speaker"
When I wrote my motivational statement, I focused on two questions:
1) Why do I want to join the Navy? What evidence is there that I will enjoy being in the Navy and be able to stay motivated, overcome the challenges, etc..
2) Will I serve the Navy well? What evidence is there that I can adapt to and overcome challenging situations / stressful environments. Also, what experiences can I draw upon in order to be a good leader, etc.
I wrote 345 words just by answering those two questions (by using specifics from my own life), and throwing in 2 sentences at the end about why I applied to the aviation community.
Last edited by Kickflip89; 03-01-2007 at 07:33 PM. Reason: word gymnastics
You should use those question to really look inward like these other fellas have stated.
I asked myself the very same questions and realized the Navy wasn't for me. I couldn't see myself being happy in the Navy if I didn't get an aviation slot.
I'm going Marines.
This is really sound advice. Say what you mean, and be articulate in it, but don't put somebody else's words in your mouth to get a spot. We can check your stuff to see if you leave some glaring Q's unanswered (and this would probably be better rec'd coming from winged folks or other officers), but this is from YOU. Bottom line is you'll be a much better candidate if you get selected because you said what you believed, and the board like it.You should use those question to really look inward like these other fellas have stated.
I asked myself the very same questions and realized the Navy wasn't for me. I couldn't see myself being happy in the Navy if I didn't get an aviation slot.
I'm going Marines.
As for the motivational, if you're set on an aviation slot, and that's what you are passionate about, use it, BUT realize you are joining the navy, not a flying club. I used it and got selected for SNA, but I had some lingering Q's and had to withdraw. Now I'm Reapplying.
Say what you will about the tenets of national socialism, Dude, at least its an ethos.
God: "Jesus Christ!"
Jesus: "What?"
God: "Get the escalade, we're outta here"
IMO about putting the naval aviation thing in the statement, I think you should list the steps required to reach your ultimate goal. If your primary goal here is to be a naval aviator, put that down as your primary long term goal. This puts it all on the table and lets the board know you are focused and goal oriented and how far you plan on taking this new career and new life path. However, don't stay on the long term goal more than just stating it because you are writing about the first step to reaching that ultimate goal. This allows you to transition nicely into the central idea of your statement.
Hope my little bit of advice helps and good luck on it.
Baseball would be better....if it was hockey.
Do you think the board will look negatively on statements that go past 400 words? I'm having a hard time condensing mine, and there's still a lot I want to say.
If the instruction says keep it to one page, I would definately keep it to one page. Have you asked any other people to take a look at it to see if there is any information that could be left out and still get your message across?
Baseball would be better....if it was hockey.
You're a good writer, man. In my brief scan, I found no typos or anything like that.
Here is my #1 problem with the essays on here that often get posted: there is very little concrete information in most of the writing that people post. Nobody likes to read something like "I am a goal-oriented, hard-working student who enjoys...etc., etc."
What people do like to read is something like, "The thing I learned from x-experience was that from time to time x and x and happen, and this is how you've gotta deal with it, etc. and this is exactly what I did that proves I am a fighter etc. etc."
Talk specifics, man. People like concrete stuff in writing. Think about the most boring articles you've gotta read for class--they are generally the ones with few specifics and all confusing theory.
"It's" is a contraction of it and is.I do on the job at hand and it’s relation to the goal at hand
You're looking for "its" which operates as the possessive in this case.
Yeah, I'm a grammar nazi.
Also, when you talk about the United States, it's not The United States in the middle of a sentence. Technically, the "the" isn't part of the name, so it doesn't get proper-noun capitalization.
But it can really make a difference when you show the board that you know the difference between the two. They might not care about your grammar skills, but they could interpret it as 'he pays attention to detail' and is careful not to make mistakes.
"I'm willing to play hurt and I like to blow things up. I like faster horses, older whiskey and younger women. I have a clean record when it comes to driving high performance cars in crappy conditions with little sleep. I know how to stick to my story when I screw the pooch. I don't screw over my buddy and will diligently resist screwing my buddy's wife. I think Ronald Reagan rocked and I can watch Animal House and Caddyshack repeatedly without getting bored. This is why I want to be a U.S. Naval Officer."
Send that in; I'll vote for you.
Real flying (even to a low level attack bubba):
http://www.islaculebra.com/puerto-ri...a-airport.html
First, I'd like to admit that maybe I don't have any room to comment based on experience with these Statements.
However, I'm crazy about English and effectively getting a point across.
It's clear that you think, you feel, you view, etc. because you're the author. And I personally hate lots of "I" statements. But I am not- and will never be- on a selection board.
Instead of:
"The Navy interests me because I would not only have the opportunity to lead the best, but I would also have the chance to learn from and work with for the best our country has to offer."
Try: Not only does the Navy provide an opportunity to lead the best, but also a chance to learn and work with the best.
That cuts 37 words to 23 so you can add more if you think it's necessary.
Just a suggestion. If you found that helpful, feel free to pm me.
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