Sample marine OCS 100 word essay.

[delvecchi088]

Here is what I wrote thus far for my 100 word essay required for my ocs application. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!!!


There are more reasons than 100 words can disclose as to why I want to be an officer in the Marine Corps. In short, it is to make a difference for my country and the men and women I serve with. I wish to take my knowledge and life experiences to lead and inspire these individuals to be the best person and Marine that they can be despite whatever challenges they may face. The values instilled upon Marines are invaluable and are the values of which I desire to live by and lead by.

 

[Swanee]

Get rid of the first sentence; it is BS fluff. Get rid of the In short as well. Use the space to expound on your next two sentences. How are you going to make a difference? How are you going to make someone a better Marine when you aren't one yet yourself? Do not describe values as invaluable. That doesn't make sense. Also work on the flow of the last sentence.

 

[HH-60H]

Get rid of the first sentence; it is BS fluff. Get rid of the In short as well. Use the space to expound on your next two sentences. How are you going to make a difference? How are you going to make someone a better Marine when you aren't one yet yourself? Do not describe values as invaluable. That doesn't make sense. Also work on the flow of the last sentence.

I agree

Also, your 3rd sentence is really long, especially for such a short essay; I would break it up into 2 sentences.

 

[picklesuit]

"Yut Yut...Debbil Dawg, Semper Yut. Oorah, Yut. Kill, Yut, Kill. Semper kill, Semper Yut, Semper Oorah, Yut; Kill; Yut. Green Weenie, silkies, Yut. MRE's, sand fleas, Iwo Jima Yut. Slay pigs, silkies, high and tight, kill then Yut.

Olongapo, Yut; Australia, Yut Yut; Okinawa, less Yut; Tampa, Semper Yut."

Hope that helps.
Pickle

 

[Renegade One]

Hmm…only 94 words…or 93 and a number. Fill that white space!