Question about Getting Married in the Navy

Okay Guys, here's the deal. I recently got engaged. Now, my fiance will graduate with her bachelors degree in May '04. Meanwhile, I graduate this May and since having my OCS date bumped, head down there on Oct 4th. While we're not looking to get married right away, definitely not until after she has graduated, I am wondering how you can plan a wedding without knowing anything. Either on this site or another, I've heard people say that they had DI's say wings before rings. I personally don't want to wait that long, but will if it's necessary. But really, how do you plan something like a wedding, or even set a date while in the process of earning those coveted wings of gold. No one has really been able to answer this for me and I didn't see anything in the old topics on the subject. I know that many of you are married and appreciate any help you can give me on the subject.

Anthony. I cant answer your questions but I can thank you, for I will probably be in a similar cituation some day. I want to be a naval aviator, but I want my wife to be happy and successful too. I'll keep a look on the topic. Thanks again.

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.
-Col.3:23-

You are your own man. It's nice for other people to give advice, but take it with a grain of salt. Once you are out of OCS, no one can tell you what to do with your personal life. If you want to get married, then by all means do it. I got married while in the Navy (enlisted) and now my wife and kids are moving with me to flight school. Just stay focused on your goal and you will do just fine.

Okay, I understand about no one telling me what to do with my personal life. I guess my biggest question is how to plan a wedding and set a date while away. Actually, forget the planning, but she's waiting on me to pick a date and I don't know what to tell her. My fiance wants to get started with all the planning and making reservations, but I don't know how viable picking a date is at this time. I mean, how far into my training do I have to wait in order to request leave for a date a good way into the future? While training, since you will be at different locations in varying timeframes depending upon the pipeline you are on, how can you go about this. I guess I'm really curious about picking a date. My fiance is from St. Louis and wants to be married there. So, picking a date and being able to stick to it is important. I want her to have the wedding she wants, so I want to set a date that we can count on. Again, any help is greatly appreciated.

I can understand your concern and frustration. My fiance goes to OCS on Feb 22 2003 and has a SNA slot. I am planning our smaller military wedding in Southern CA for July 4, 2003. He also wants me to have the wedding that I want. I know that we will not be even in the same state, as I am staying in CA while he goes to P-cola, FL, for some time. I do know, however, that he will get that holiday day off. Right now, though, I am keeping my focus on making sure he and our home is in order with him leaving for OCS.

I'm sure you will find a date that suits you both. I'm not sure how big of a wedding you're planning on, but a wedding can be pulled together in much less than one year. Yes, even from different states. As we are now realizing there will be time inbetween OCS to IFS, IFS to API, and API to primary. Even though we're not sure how much time, and where that time will be spent.

Some questions you may want to suggest she thinks about are: How big of a wedding she wants? Is she willing to honeymoon at a later time, or for only a weekend? If she's worried about timing to secure a reception site, has she thought about someone's home?

Please feel free for either of you to email me: stephanie@theaslams.com

Stephanie

In my experience during training they discourage getting married. If it's in the middle of training that don't give you much time off, if any. If you can get married between schools that would work but it is difficult to predict. During training however you should get a couple weeks of at Christmas time, Thanksgiving and of course the other government holidays that offer a long weekend. Intermediates for helos, and P-3s seemed to be a little more flexible since most of your flights are done on a cross country. I don't know if waiting until you get your wings would help since you then have to go to the FRS, and then could be off to sea. If you can do without a honeymoon, you'll be fine, otherwise aim for Christmas time. Good luck.

Really its not that bad, I just got married a few months ago and I am in the middle of jet training. They didnt give me a hard time about it or anything, but you have to be willing to day fly home thursday night and be back for work on monday, which is what I originally was approved for but when the time came they gave me a few more days. You wont be able to set a date until you get somewhere that you know you will be when you want to get married. We picked a date not long after I moved here knowing I'ld be here for a year and gave ops a six months heads up and they said no problem we cab give you atleast Friday through Sunday and well see about more when the time comes. Now you will get Christmas leave every year in training and that is split into two groups one for Christmas and one New Years each like 9 or 10 days, so if you want to set a date this early then you'll have to set it for the holidays. Good Luck with it all though.

Thanks for all the info! My boyfriend is going through OCS and is SNA. We plan on getting married and I have been left to the planning. I was a bit concerned about it, since we won't know for sure where we will be, if I should try to have it in my home state, and so on. I don't want to make things too complicated, but at the same time want it done to my standard. Keep the advice coming, it will be greatly appreciated!

Go Navy

When I got married in the Navy, I was stationed in Jacksonville Fl and my fiance at the time was in P-cola. We figured out when a good time for me to take as much leave as I could would be, and that is how we got the date. Then, she did what I suppose is the traditional thing to do and her and her family planned it. I just heard what was going on over the long phone conversations and the many hours she sat crying to me about the stress. (You girls are braver than me, I wouldn't try that logistical night mare! LOL ) I just showed up to say "I do" and shake hands at the reception after ward. And when all was said and done, we still had 15 days to make the honeymoon and move her to Jacksonville where I had to report directly back into my squadron.

One thing you will learn VERY quickly, especially in the Aviation community is flexability. My phrase for it has always been "Flexability is the key to success." It might be wise to work up 2 to 3 senerio's of when you can take 20 to 30 days leave, and go from there. And if everything is as backed up right now down at API, Primary and so on as I hear from here on AW and through the grape vine of my friends back in the fleet and P-cola. You should have no trouble finding time off before you class up at API, but I'll let the guys down there speak for that.

Anyway, hope that helps.

Valion310 didn't like the 7-11 salad he just ate!

I know that the Navy preaches the whole wings before rings thing, but do they frown on people who try to get married as soon as possible? Or are they willing to work with you?

Go Navy

My husband and I have been married 4+ years before he started OCS. No one has been discouraging in anyway. In fact, the PSD (personnel) office and Family Service office have been very helpful. And my husband appreciates that I am with him 100%. He has more purpose in what he does...knowing that he's taking care of his family and his country. There is a wait between OCS and flight training. If you don't have your pilots license after OCS you have 60 days to complete that and then there can be a wait after API. Don't sweat it...talk to the right people and they will let you know a good time line.

"Whether you think you can or cannot, you are probably right." -Henry Ford

www.Fly-Navy.com

I know there are lots of people on here who could benifit from anyone's own experiences and/or insights...thanks for sharing!

I am glad that they are not discouraging! I will have all summer to get information together, since we will be waiting for API to start.

Go Navy

Hi, I'm in the same boat. My boyfriend will be leaving for OCS in January, we were planning on getting married in October of 2004. By that time he should be in the middle of Primary - how difficult is it for him to get a Friday off? And then, what happens to me? After the wedding, I am planning on staying home, while he finishes up Primary, because I'm expecting that his housing situation isn't going to be changed because he got married in the middle. Am I correct to assume this? I am completely unsure of what to expect, having never dealt with military life before! Any advice or thoughts would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks, Jennifer

I finished OCS in November and was married December 28th. We were able to plan the wedding and about 9 months ahead of time, which allowed time for most of our friends and family to make plans to be there, and best of all we were able to spend a full week in the carribean for a honeymoon. At least while you are in training, the holiday break in December is the best time to get married because all of the training commands typically have a standown that lasts from before Christmas until after the new year.

Well, I was hoping for a summer wedding, but december is starting to look better everyday, I guess that is the way the cookie crumbles!

Go Navy

You can plan the wedding whenever you want. The best thing is to plan on a weekend and shoot for a long one. Then just make sure when you check into your command you tell them early. Let's say for example that you want to get married in July 2004. You go to OCS in OCT and get out in Jan. Then you check into API. You will finish API before your wedding day so there is no reason to worry there. Then you go to Primary in Mar/Apr time frame. When you initially check in make sure to let them know you are planning to get married in July. They will probably give you the business about not being able to gaurantee you very much time. But they will probably not have any problem giving you leave to fly home or where ever for a few days to get hitched. The honeymoon will be a different story. But if you are in P'cola or CC then maybe you can plan for another weekend getaway to the beach or you can promise to make it up to her. Just make sure you aren't falling behind on your studies or knowledge and you shouldn't have any problem. And don't expect them to go easy on you when you get back just because you were off getting married. They will still expect you to be ready to fly as soon as you get back. Just remember the earlier you make people aware of things the easier it will be to work out the details. I have seen a few people get married throughout the pipeline so far with no problems. Hope this helps.

Pat

Thank you, this gives me much hope!

Go Navy

Woohoo!! Me too!!

Wow, I found this topic to be quite helpful considering I'm going through some of the same things! If anyone else has anymore info, I would greatly appreciate it! Knowing the best time is hard- so you definitely need to have 2 or 3 options it seems! Anyway, thanks for all the info and good luck to all of you going through this too!

Supporting my Ducky in the Navy

Thanks EA6BFLYR-

We have discussed all of those topics- and I have been 100% supportive of his career. I will not even allow myself to think that I would marry someone and not 100% support them. Marriage is not something to be taken lightly, and after growing up in a broken home- I know that is not anything I want for myself or my future children. I head your advice and I take it well, as it is something that I would recommend to anyone thinking about this lifestyle. I do know the sacrifices of marrying into the Navy, and I know that these relationships can fail. Both he and I are very spiritual people and we believe as long as we have the Lord in our lives, that He will provide us the strength and the knowledge to sustain through all of this. There are ways we can see each other on deployments, there ways to stay in communication and this will not last until the day we die. We vow to take each day one day at a time and we vow to always keep each other our #1 priority and to always support each other know matter what happens in life. Now, don't take what I just said wrong- I know the Navy will have presidence over my career and having to move, etc. etc. I know that and I accept that. To me, it is a journey that I welcome and as long as I have my soul mate next to me and we continue to love eachother and support each other we will be fine. Thanks for your words of advice. I know where my heart lies, and at 25 (he at 29) I think we have a pretty good idea what we want!

Supporting my Ducky in the Navy

Any viewpoint is greatly appreciated, especially when it makes you really consider your decisions carefully. You are absolutely right, we all should get married for the right reasons.

Go Navy

Well I can't give much help on planning weddings, because my fiance is on a ship, 'over there' and I am in intermediates/advanced in Corpus. What I do know is that all the squadrons here say that if you're getting married, they'll give you one fly day off- so if you get married over a weekend you get Friday or Monday. So Christmas, Thanksgiving, or a 3-day weekend look to be the best bet. BUT, you never know unless you ask- I know of a couple people who were allowed another day or two.
Good luck!

ea6bflyr is right on. Think about what you're getting into before you do it. We got engaged while I was in primary ground school, in November 97. She found several dates close to what we were looking at, and we ended up just picking on, almost a year out, and set it for September 98. It turns out, I checked out of VT-2 the Thursday before the wedding, and managed to get a week of leave before checking in to HTs. But we were both prepared for the Thursday-Sunday deal, so remember there's a good chance of that happening. If you can hold out till the FRS, I would definitely recommend that. Even though that could be 2 years or more away, they're a lot more flexible than flight school.

One more thing -- flight school is hard. Everybody here knows that. Adjusting to married life is also hard. Trying to do both at the same time is close to impossible. That whole "wings before rings" thing may sound coldhearted, but it's not bad advice. Make sure you know exactly what you're getting into before you do it.