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Personal Statement

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Airboss2B

Registered User
#1
I have been working on my personal statement and find it to be the most difficult part of the process (except for waiting for selection results I would guess). I realize everyone's personal statement can only be done by the individual but if anyone has some suggestions or an example they would like to share, it would be greatly appreciated.
 

Mike26

Registered User
#2
My advise would be to be honest with yourself. Write down why you really want to go to OCS, put on paper how you really feel and why it means so much for you to go there. Don't worry about format right away, just spill your guts. After you have done that then go back and organize it, add and delete pharases and have friends, familiy, ect give you suggestions and edit. Hope this helps
 

cyphertube

Registered User
#3
I wonder what they'll think of mine. It sounds like cheese, but I think it's because I was brought up in an Intel and Public Service lifestyle around military with an uncle who was in the Navy. So applying for Intel Officer just seems normal. :)

Meanwhile my slightly less-disciplined and more anti-social brother is gunning for NSA.
 

Airboss2B

Registered User
#6
If I were to write my main reasons for becoming an officer, it would come off as sounding very selfish. Some of the reasons include increased pay (better life for the family), oustanding job experience, better retirement pay than my enlisted retirement rate, advancement to middle to upper management positions, being involved on a broader level, having greater influence to institute change and set policy, etc. Patriotism is only a small part of me wanting to continue my service (currently AD with over 11 yrs). I don't have visions of leading my men into battle or commanding a mighty warship, though I believe I would be capable to do so. I am more interested in running the business side of the Navy as a Supply Officer (I have an MBA, also I'm too old to fly now). From what I understand about personal statements whether it be for college, the military or other employment, they want to know what "You can do for Them". This is why I am having difficulty trying to be completely honest without sounding one-way.
 

dad741

Registered User
#7
I'm a former AW who was going through pretty much the same thing with my personal statement. Some of the reasons I had for wanting to be a Naval Officer may have sounded selfish if I had written them exactly as I thought of them, but as I thought of different ways to word them they started to sound better. As I'm sure you already know, " . . . advancement to middle to upper management positions, being involved on a broader level, having greater influence to institute change and set policy . . ." can be worded several ways, but each of those things also has a side to them that will benefit the Navy. Try to combine the two. Take a day or two to reflect on you're time in the Navy and what you want to accomplish in the future and I'm sure you'll find the reasons behind the reasons.

David
 

doubleeagle

Registered User
#10
or when you get so pissed off trying to do it just right you could do what one guy from my recruiter's office did. He applied for SNA and this was his personal statement:

"I want to join the most elite fighting force in the world, but the IRA isn't hiring!"

he got accepted and is in flight school now.
 

WFU2USN

Registered User
#11
Another thing to keep in mind is stating HOW you can contribute to the greater Navy. Not just how you'll benefit, but how the Navy will benefit and how it works into your goals.

i.e.

- One goal of mine since I entered the Navy (or whatever if your a civilian or a prior) has been to earn my commission in the United States Navy. As a commissioned officer I believe I can use my previous experiences in the Seabee and Intel. communities to make a greater contrabution to the future success of the Navy.

- I am seeking a commission because I want to be able to ultilize my personal experiences and leadership qualities to further improve the Naval Intelligence (or whatever)Community. My experience as an Intelligence Specialist has provided me with a "hands-on" knowledge of the Naval Intel. Community; this will enable me to understand and effectively work with both enlisted and commissioned sailors to accomplish mission goals.

- My degree/work exp./prior service (whatever) has assisted me in developing the analytical/leadership/etc. skills necessary to address challenging situations and work well as a member of a team. Given the critical need to work as a team in the Navy, these skills will enable me to work with diverse groups, etc.

That's not exact stuff from the pers. statement I submitted year when I got accepted, but that's kind of the gist of it.

Robin
IS2(SCW)

http://www.geocities.com/califchick1175/USN/navy.html
 
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