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Personal Statement

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zab1001

Well-Known Member
pilot
Super Moderator
Contributor
Something to consider:

For those of you who do not feel the need to have your professional writing reviewed or edited, make sure you know who has the final chop (especially on items like your FITREP). Apart from finding humor in the lack of overall quality, you may find it edited beyond recognition.

OR, you could go to the individual BEFORE it gets sent up the chain and see what changes they recommend. That way the Skipper doesn't ambush you with "your" project.
 

cyristvirus

STA-21 FY08 College Dude
It's very interesting as a new forum member to see some of the members here and how they express their ideas. Not much different then the real world. Anyways I think that this guy just wants some simple help on some ideas, topics, spelling, and grammar checks. I don't see anything wrong with that. Hell I would suggest him to go to an officer in his command and ask them to read it over and see what they think. Its always a good idea to get officers in your command involved in your package.

I would be glad to look at this guys statement and pass it around my command to help him out. E-mail me away if you want some help.
 

A4sForever

BTDT OLD GUY
pilot
Contributor
It's very interesting as a new forum member to see some of the members here and how they express their ideas. .... E-mail me away if you want some help.
Well, that's just really special.

The guy said :
"I was wondering if people are willing to read over my personal statement and provide feedback? Also, should I post it, or PM it to those willing to participate."

I'm gonna help you with the translation. He/she wants "help" (i.e., "providing feedback") in writing his/her "personal" statement to become an Officer .... you know, the kinda stuff an Officer-wannabe should be able to do by themselves???

I love the co-dependent society we've given birth to over the past couple of decades .... can ANYONE do ANYTHING for themselves anymore ??? (Just a rhetorical question...... ) :)


 

EM1toNFO

Killing insurgents with my 'messages'!!
None
Well.. At least this individual has written a personal statement. I know of at least 2 people, who have been selected, who have verbally told me they copied, re-organized, and "just slightly" altered someone else's personal statement for a STA-21 board... So, you know what they say, if you can't beat them...
 

schwarti

Active Member
Contributor
I sat down and wrote mine in about half an hour. I left it alone for a few days, and then went back to it to make sure that it didn't sound completely retarded. End of story.

Use spellcheck (or a dictionary) if you need it, don't write at a third-grade level, but don't sweat it. They're not looking for the next Shakespeare, they're looking to see something that comes from YOU. Believe me, I understand that it can be tough to explain why you're hot shit, or why you watch every movie involving the Navy over and over, but these guys understand, because they were all there at one point. I know that you want to make it the best you can, but remember that it's just part of your application.

As for the spelling and grammar - that's attention to detail. I'm pretty sure you'll need that somewhere along the line.

Someone who knows what they're talking about (with USN or USNR after their name :D) can feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, but that's just my take. Relax, do it, and good luck.
 

A4sForever

BTDT OLD GUY
pilot
Contributor
.....Someone who knows what they're talking about (with USN or USNR after their name :D) can feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, but that's just my take. Relax, do it, and good luck.
No ... I think you're pretty close to the mark. And not co-dependent. BZ. :)
 

kmac

Coffee Drinker
pilot
Super Moderator
Contributor


I love the co-dependent society we've given birth to over the past couple of decades .... can ANYONE do ANYTHING for themselves anymore ??? (Just a rhetorical question...... ) :)



Sir, you just joined the wrong service, at the wrong time. See here:
65138LG.jpg
 

cyristvirus

STA-21 FY08 College Dude
Yeah, thats showing a "co-dependent society" when another person helps another out. Something so simple as a personal statement shouldn't be to hard to at least suggest a few ideas.

For those who are prior enlisted we can at least comprehend the idea of supporting others who are in need of help, and that not everyone is a god at birth.
 

A4sForever

BTDT OLD GUY
pilot
Contributor
Yeah, thats showing a "co-dependent society" when another person helps another out. Something so simple as a personal statement shouldn't be to hard to at least suggest a few ideas.

For those who are prior enlisted we can at least comprehend the idea of supporting others who are in need of help, and that not everyone is a god at birth.

Question for you: why do they call it a "personal" statement???

But after reading your wizened post ... I'm sorry I was an Officer, because as such, I simply cannot comprehend the idea of supporting others. But I do understand the concept of personal integrity and honor. That crept in there somewhere, somehow ...

Thank you for correcting me.

You're gonna do just fine. No, seriously ... :)
 

Nose

Well-Known Member
pilot
For those who are prior enlisted we can at least comprehend the idea of supporting others who are in need of help, and that not everyone is a god at birth.

Shipmate,

Not sure where you are/were stationed, but if you think that only enlisted can comprehend the idea of supporting others, you must have served with some of the most piss-poor officers in the Navy.

Don't generalize and be a hater (unless you are talking about the Air Force, then it's game on).

Now let me ask you another question: Do you believe in the Navy? Do you do your best at every job you do? I bet you do, and I bet you expect the same from everyone that works for and with you.

So here is the real question- do you want the best people to lead you? I don't think that the young man that started this thread was trying to cheat, I just think he was trying to put his best foot forward on his app and I applaud that attitude, but I want future leaders in OUR Navy who deserve to be here for who they are and what they have done, not what they can put together in a collaborative effort.

I think that is what A4 and others are saying. Do your own work and stand by it. Do a quality job and it will stand for itself.

I think mblanche, who cares enough to look for help will do fine and probably won't need it. Personally, I don't want anyone in a leadership position in OUR Navy, Enlisted or Officer, who didn't get there of their own merit.

Best
Nose
 

cyristvirus

STA-21 FY08 College Dude
Question for you: why do they call it a "personal" statement???

But after reading your wizened post ... I'm sorry I was an Officer, because as such, I simply cannot comprehend the idea of supporting others. But I do understand the concept of personal integrity and honor. That crept in there somewhere, somehow ...

Thank you for correcting me.

You're gonna do just fine. No, seriously ... :)

Personal integrity and honor does not mean that someone cant request for others support . Maybe this individual needs to be inspired of something write about? You could always say, "Well if this person needs to be inspired then they don't need to become an officer because they don't have inspiration to be one in the first place." It scares me that you don’t acknowledge the need for support for yourself, as if you got where you are by your own will. Even though you always had the ability to be great as an officer, you still had to grow from one point. Over time you eventually did grow up and reached your potential, but it took time and support to get you there. That example is in a large scale. This individual is just asking for some support for his statement and really it makes me sad that "wizened" individuals such as you have let others down by not showing any type of support.

Noticed I used your word ;)
 

cyristvirus

STA-21 FY08 College Dude
Shipmate,

Not sure where you are/were stationed, but if you think that only enlisted can comprehend the idea of supporting others, you must have served with some of the most piss-poor officers in the Navy.

Don't generalize and be a hater (unless you are talking about the Air Force, then it's game on).

Now let me ask you another question: Do you believe in the Navy? Do you do your best at every job you do? I bet you do, and I bet you expect the same from everyone that works for and with you.

So here is the real question- do you want the best people to lead you? I don't think that the young man that started this thread was trying to cheat, I just think he was trying to put his best foot forward on his app and I applaud that attitude, but I want future leaders in OUR Navy who deserve to be here for who they are and what they have done, not what they can put together in a collaborative effort.

I think that is what A4 and others are saying. Do your own work and stand by it. Do a quality job and it will stand for itself.

I think mblanche, who cares enough to look for help will do fine and probably won't need it. Personally, I don't want anyone in a leadership position in OUR Navy, Enlisted or Officer, who didn't get there of their own merit.

Best
Nose

I fully understand what your saying and agree with you. I have experinced some very self centered officers that aim to follow cut throat concepts, unwilling to support others. I also have experinced some great officers that were willing to support others in their goals. I believe that a lot of officers are very helpful and great leaders that fully deserve the positions they have obtained.

I never said to write this persons personal statement for him, I am only saying to maybe help them to focused on an area so they are not so scatter brained. I don't believe I showed that type of aim any time during my post.
 

A4sForever

BTDT OLD GUY
pilot
Contributor
Personal integrity and honor does not mean that someone cant request for others support . Maybe this individual needs to be inspired of something write about? You could always say, "Well if this person needs to be inspired then they don't need to become an officer because they don't have inspiration to be one in the first place." It scares me that you don’t acknowledge the need for support for yourself, as if you got where you are by your own will. Even though you always had the ability to be great as an officer, you still had to grow from one point. Over time you eventually did grow up and reached your potential, but it took time and support to get you there. That example is in a large scale. This individual is just asking for some support for his statement and really it makes me sad that "wizened" individuals such as you have let others down by not showing any type of support.

Noticed I used your word ;)

Gosh... sorry I scare you, and I'm sorry I make you sad ... as that was not my intent.

If this individual needs "inspiration" to put down on paper why he/she wants to be a Naval Officer --- then they don't know "why" ...

I'm glad you know so much about me and "what it takes" ... as I did 20 for UNCLE and 25 "workin' for the MAN". But in reality, you have not a clue .... and what kind of bullshit have you been reading and/or bullshit have you been listening to during your vast experience as an Officer in the U.S. Navy ... and obviously "buying"??? "Support" is what you do in the service .... ghost writing another's "personal" statement is not .... oh, wait!!! That's right!! You're NOT a commissioned Officer, yes??? ;)

There also seems to be at least a modicum of confusion on your part as to where I got and the vehicle(s) I used to "get there": nobody helped me, nobody "mentored" me, no one sat me down and held my hand and said -- this is how it's done --- no Mama, no Papa, no Uncle Sam. And nobody had to write my "personal statement(s)" for me.

I hope you become "wizened" and learn the concept of individual initiative and what personal honor and integrity mean -- even if only in writing a few paragraphs on why one wants to become a Naval Officer. You know, instead of having others edit for you???

Perhaps -- someday, in a place far, far away ....

P.S. I'm always impressed with new members to the forum who start giving gratuitous shit to other forum members withing the first 24 hours of their (i.e., your) time of useful consciousness on Air Warriors.

Meanwhile .... :sleep_125
 

cyristvirus

STA-21 FY08 College Dude
Gosh... sorry I scare you, and I'm sorry I make you sad ... as that was not my intent.

If this individual needs "inspiration" to put down on paper why he/she wants to be a Naval Officer --- then they don't know "why" ...

I'm glad you know so much about me and "what it takes" ... as I did 20 for UNCLE and 25 "workin' for the MAN". But in reality, you have not a clue .... and what kind of bullshit have you been reading and/or bullshit have you been listening to during your vast experience as an Officer in the U.S. Navy ... and obviously "buying"??? "Support" is what you do in the service .... ghost writing another's "personal" statement is not .... oh, wait!!! That's right!! You're NOT a commissioned Officer, yes??? ;)

There also seems to be at least a modicum of confusion on your part as to where I got and the vehicle(s) I used to "get there": nobody helped me, nobody "mentored" me, no one sat me down and held my hand and said -- this is how it's done --- no Mama, no Papa, no Uncle Sam. And nobody had to write my "personal statement(s)" for me.

I hope you become "wizened" and learn the concept of individual initiative and what personal honor and integrity mean -- even if only in writing a few paragraphs on why one wants to become a Naval Officer. You know, instead of having others edit for you???

Perhaps -- someday, in a place far, far away ....

P.S. I'm always impressed with new members to the forum who start giving gratuitous shit to other forum members withing the first 24 hours of their (i.e., your) time of useful consciousness on Air Warriors.

Meanwhile .... :sleep_125

While you use your officer status as a type of experience as does a lot of enlisted personnel that are obviously out of place in leadership positions, I strongly disagree with your views on how the Navy should be ran and others should be guided. I also find it funny how you even suggested that being mentored is a downfall and doing everything yourself is a good thing. I think everyone here understands the importance of team work and mentorship, its how we learn and achieve our goals.

As about the officer thing… no, I am not a commissioned officer. That doesn’t make my leadership potential anything under par. If I was an officer, I wouldn’t use my status as a way to gloat to others on this forum, but possibly HELP them with my past experience.

After all is said, I can truly understand the meaning under your name in this forum and won’t fight with you about concepts or things we can’t change. I just hope that others like yourself may change your views one day and support those who have great potential, but need a little motivation to achieve greatness.

This topic is not about either of us, it’s about that person that asked for help. I am done fighting with you about our personal beliefs.
 
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