Everybody's a lieutenant, except God. He's a General or Admiral (as the mood strikes Him!) You only come to work when you're going to fly. You fly three times a day, if you wish, except on Friday. You never run out of fuel. You never run out of ammo. Your missions are one hour long (or longer if you desire) and no briefings are ever required. Sorties are air-to-air or air-to-ground, your choice. You shoot the gun on every mission. There are no check rides. It is always VFR, and there are never any ATC delays. You can fly out of the MOA and down to 10 feet AGL, if you want. There are no 'over G's.' The airplanes never break. Never any Fatals.... I mean..... you are already there! There are never any duty officer assignments. You always fly overhead landing patterns with initial approach at 20 feet, then break left. You can go cross-country anytime you desire... the further the better. There are no ORIs. There are no flight surgeons. There are no Staff Jobs. There are no additional duties. Friday Happy Hour is mandatory. 'Happy Hour' begins at 1400 hours and lasts until 0200+ hours. The bartenders are all big bosomed and friendly. Beer is free, but whiskey costs a nickel. The bar serves only Chivas Regal, Jack Daniels and Beefeaters... plus 500 kinds of beer. Country and Western music is free on the jukebox. You never lose your room key and your buddies never leave you stranded. The sun always shines, and you can put your hat in your pants pocket. Flight Suits are allowed in the O Club at all times. The PX always has every item you ask for, most being free. There are never any crosswind landings, and the runways are always dry. Control tower flybys for wheels-up checks can be made at 600 kts. There are never any noise complaints. Full afterburner climbs over your house are encouraged. Fitness reports always contain the statement, 'Outstanding Officer.' Functions requiring mess dress never occur. All air traffic controllers are friendly and always provide priority handling. 'ACE' status is conferred upon all Aviators entering Heaven.