GF...keep her or send her home?

Wow, so much written here and all sorts of emotions and thoughts put out there on the table! I'm not sure if this has been answered already, but the first big questions that popped into my head were 1) Have you guys lived together much before she moved out? and 2) When the decision was made for her to spend the time out there, was there any planning done on how she would spend her summer and beyond?

So another female point of view to put on the table . I have definitely had the opportunity to move out with my bf during different stages of his training (he's in Advanced right now), but I have declined to do so every time. Call me independent, too conservative, crazy (who would want to be in a long-distance relationship if they didn't have to!), or even selfish, but it boiled down to my wanting to give my bf his time and space to study and focus (I certainly didn't want to be the reason he didn't get his studying in!) and for him to grant me the same respect and opportunity to make my own decisions. If the situation ever reached a not-so-cool period (and, trust me, it did), we talked about it. It wasn't easy, but it had to be done.

So I guess the only piece of advice for me to throw out there is for you guys to definitely be honest with each other and put things out there on the table. If there's a way to work through the various periods of your training and relationship, then go for it! If not, be happy for what you guys had while you were together, try to remain friends (if possible), and move on. :icon_smil

Ok, I gotta go home. Been looking at spreadsheets with numbers for way too long!

Isela

I'm in a glass case of emotion!

Seriously, sorry to threadjack this really good thread, but I wanted to welcome aboard my good buddy T-Rex. Glad to see you finally joined the party, man. As for the above quote, I think you'll fit right in! :icon_zbee

/Threadjack

You have got to be kidding me. I can't imagine being married to someone I couldn't trust. He goes out with the boys, I go out with the girls...neither of us is worried about the other cheating. He goes to bars on cruise, and calls after drinking in the middle of the night my time....I have never had any reason to think he was unfaithful. The phone calls crack me up. In a million years I can't imagine him feeling he couldn't go to a "ready room" only event and would choose to skip it because of me. I would think he had lost his mind if he even suggested it. Likewise, he would never tell me I couldn't go on a chicks only night out, weekend away, etc. We don't need to be connected at the hip 24/7 to be in a committed and extremely close relationship.

In some respects the military can be hard, but it is very possible to have both a successful career and a successful family. I truly feel our kids are much more well adjusted, and aware of the world around them than the vast majority of their civilian friends. I wish every child could be as proud and supportive of their dad as our kids are of their's.

Ahite .... this is what u do .....

Tell her to "respect yo gangsta" ..... if u don't understand what that means, don't worry bout it ... just act like you do. Then tell her to "get to steppin" ...... while you leave yo boot print on her ass!!

Serioiusly .... if she can't respect what your doing and what u need then she aint worth the time and effort.

Peace,

-Spin

I would like to say this, I have supported my sna(prior enlisted) 100% for 10 years. This past 7 months has been long with ocs, ifs and now api, my hubby always knows that he has my support. I find it hard to believe that with everything you have to do with studying,training,ect....that this is his biggest problem, keep her or dump her....you have got to be kidding me. I think maybe you have watched officer and a gentleman to many times. You probably should really ask yourself if the real question isnt this, SHOULD SHE STAY WITH ME (Im an officer, big ego,money to burn,im gonna be a pilot,yea....cant commit, i just like to rock out with my cock out, pick me pick me)
Or SHOULD SHE DUMP ME> I think you really should just go to the titty bar by mcguires (maybe you already do) pay for whatever you need(maybe you already do that to) and get on with yourself, thats all you really care about right YOURSELF>
This poor girl has feelings for you and along the way you have told her stuff to make her feel this way, right. Now that you "think" you can get any ass, you dont want her, right? You are the exact reason women feel insecure, you probably made her feel that way, who knows what you say and thats why she is crying in bed. Damn, maybe she is really crying because she realized how inadequate you are, insecure you are and maybe because your rock out with your cock out wasnt worth it after all. Trust me when I say I am not bitter, I have a rock solid marriage and have from the time we said I do, I know how hard it is to do deployments without your spouse, I know how hard it is when my hubby is gone for 12 hours or more now for flight school and training. But I support him, when you have trust and support in any relationship, you wont have to worry about posting on here about something stupid. I hope you use protection though, lord forbid, the world doesnt need a road jr out there not caring about anything other than himself, we have enough of that already.

This is the reason you should get rid of her...ten years of this crap. Not sure why you'd jump on him for asking a VERY legit question, but back off. He didn't say he wanted to rock out with his **** out. Interesting that you assumed that. He simply said that he wanted to know if he should try to focus on something more than the other. He's young and doesn't have to deal with this crap at this point. Get through flight school, maybe it'll work out or maybe you'll meet someone more compatable. Seriously, your post was so offbase and irrelevant that you should be ashamed. :icon_rage

You know, this guy road (a SNA) posts about how he's stressed out from dealing w/ primary and his girlfriend, and immediately everyone on here chimes in with their version of The Word of God--myself included. That's fine. Hell, that's MORE than fine, it's GREAT! Because, I, like others on this site, think that this really is a relavent topic in regards to Naval Aviation.

Now, is airwarriors.com the ideal place for poor roadprogram to discuss his problem? Maybe not. But perhaps typing something into the ol' compu-ta-tor to vent (and maybe get some feedback) is a better outlet than other methods. Better than what, you ask? How about better than going out, getting tanked, as one of the ladies put it, "[going] to the titty bar by mcguires", and then getting a DUI? Or how about bottling it up until he said something he really regretted to his girl? Or, worse yet, how about he smacked her around? I don't know about everyone else, but I'd say that venting on an all but anonymous website forum is more than just a little better of an option.

But hey, what do I know, right? I'm just "an officer, big ego,money to burn,im gonna be a pilot,yea....cant commit, i just like to rock out with my cock out, pick me pick me".

Was not referring to all officers as: an officer, big ego,money to burn,im gonna be a pilot,yea....cant commit, i just like to rock out with my cock out, pick me pick me". This was for the original poster only, you all have your opinions as well I have my own. as for the - (Pure, unadulterated psycho-babble and further evidence in support of pressing the jettison button...) I have read this entire forum on this question, the advice that has been given to this "poor young boy who doesnt need this "crap" is rather juvenile from most of you. If he is so young and impressionable then give him some grownup advise and help steer him the right direction to being an impressionable young man with a stellar aviation career. There are ways to answer the keep her or dump her, evaluate the things inyour life that are important and whats not, if she isnt worth the trouble and you need to focus more on your career, then the simple answer is leave her then....but if you feel its right and love her, she can be the best support you will ever have. thats all that was meant by my post.

Think it's already been said. Let's lock this f-er before my head explodes. Good thread gone bad.

Wow...I was expecting to get maybe a couple replies, not a couple pages of replies. Thanks to one and all for what I perceive as genuine concern, whether it be for me or her (The real question is why hasn't he been dumped yet....yeah, appreciate that).

BTW, I'm just a SNFO, not a rock out with my cock out SNA. But yeah, the realities of having to go back to the shoe world (shudder) weigh heavily on my mind. I mean, they don't just give out slots for SWOs to lateral transfer...only 10 made the transition last year. When I was limdu with my broken wrist they sent me over to the wing where I was blessed with seeing these people who, for the most part, just flat out quit the program. I REFUSED to wear khakis when I had to go in even though that was the uniform. I was not them and I wanted to make that perfectly clear. I'm not going to fail this or quit this. I know too many stories about guys who attrited or quit because of women and I won't be one of them. One of them is my best friend (who is now happily married to another woman) and he knows how I am about women and made sure to get my head straight before I left.

It's one thing to be in API and ground school, but once you step into that plane, it's like you know you're at least in the tunnel, even if you can't see the light at the end of it yet. Now that I'm in that tunnel I want to come out the other end and not turn around before I get there. As far as the personal details of the relationship, I won't bore you with them, and a gentleman doesn't kiss and tell after all. In upholding the highest traditions of United States Naval Aviation I am now in the famine portion of the feast or famine cycle...I had my check ride on Friday (briefed exactly 12 hours after I landed from my previous flight) and I have at least a week off before I start ground school again, so we're able to spend some time together now. I did my own thing this morning and did a triathlon and then we went to the beach all day and worked on our glorious sunburns...er, tans.

I know it will get worse again when I go back to classes, but I think that her seeing that she's got my attention when I don't have to give it to studying is going to pay dividends later. If it so happens that she goes ape-sh!t again when I have to give my time to something besides her, I'll send her packing then.

Again, thanks to one and all, even the Yaya Sisterhood, for the replies and concern. I was just thinking on my drive back from Eglin this morning how great it is to work with the greatest collection of Americans and officers I could possibly dream up. You are all truely class acts that can be counted on when the poo-poo hits the fan. I know it's just a web forum, but you're all great people and I hope to run into some of you in the fleet.

I only glanced at the previous posts but I'm gonna make this short (er?) and sweet. I was married through primary and advanced (living with the future wife during API). If it wasnt for my wife and step-daughter i wouldnt have made it. It wasnt without its downfalls. One example is that I had to spend a night at a hotel before an important checkride due to a marriage ending argument and thought i could handle the flight. I was very wrong. I failed it. It only made me stronger..showed what i could do and showed to me how my family was what made me get through this program. Yes it is different being married than having a girlfriend but if its serious enough to think about marriage then it should be worth fighting for. I hated sitting up at 2 in the morning listening to my wife talk about what happened during the day when i had my RI checkride the next morning but i have to give her some time out of my life. It was hard thats for sure but if you KNOW its worth it now then it'll be worth it later. If you're not totally in love with your significant other than break that to her. stop playing around..but if you're in love..tough it out...even send her home for a break if you gotta work..i guarantee everyone is there (or has been there done that) for you. My CO even offered to call my wife and explain the intricacies of flight school to her if I thought it would help. To stop this from being longer than i thought..If you love her keep her and cherish her and make it work..if not then let it go.

Dude, fmr1833, you and me are boyz and all, but...F*** THAT!!! Threadlocking is censorship, and censorship is UNAMERICAN. :icon_tong
Now for something more germane...
Road, from that last post (and, interestingly enough, only your second in a 5 page thread that you started), it seems to me that you already have things figured out. You're already doing the right thing. It's nice of you to give shoutouts to all of the people who gave you advice here, but considering how much of it was simply visceral, self-interested, morally vacant, or vacuous ranting, I'm glad that you seem to be following your own instincts and intuition. Kick 'er or keep 'er, please let us know how things turn out. :icon_wink

Yeah...my bad. :censored_

I take it back.

Road, good stuff.

I'm right there with you on the triathlon front. Training for my first one this September. :icon_mi_1

Yeah Road... seems like you've got it figured out pretty well. It's good to see you join in on this and let us know how you're taking the advice. And even tho i don't agree with some of the ladies in here... the best course of action is certainly a synthesis of all sides. There's no mechanical answer for this kind of question. No "pull back and the nose goes up, push forward and the nose goes down" kinda solution. There are too many "IF this, then that"s, and so in the end it has to be your decision... but even more than that... it has to be A decision... you have to actually DO something, otherwise... if nothing changes, nothing changes...

Again, great to hear from you again, and we're all chomping at the bit like pathetic, Soap Opera watching, chick-flick fanatics to hear how it all works out.

But we're also proud like American Air Warriors to be able to help a fellow.

:jump2_125

I had no idea so many people were anxiously awaiting my reply in this thread. All I can say is "sorry." All I did last week was study and fly...no computer for me.

Tom Leykis - LEYKIS 101

Bwaahahahahahaha! Oh, lordy.

Seriously, though, Road, you (y'all) seem to have straightened a couple of things out, and I for one am glad to hear it. Sometimes all it takes is a little bit of communication and the occasional, "No, baby, I totally care about what happened on Days of Our Lives. Please, continue." And if the same thing happens in the future, then yeah, maybe it's a chronic problem that needs to be addressed. Otherwise, it's good to see that a pleasant weekend was had by all with no one getting the boot.

Ya ya!

road program~ I seriously wasnt trying to put you down, after reading the 4 pages of crap these people are giving as advise, i got a little upset. Womens point of view is sometime good, accoprding to others on here its crappy. Simply was trying to say that if you care for someone, and vise versa, they have to be willing to put up with alot. flight training is very stressful and all you need at the end of the day when you come home from a long day is more stress from your significant other, i live that life sir. My so is in flight training,we have 3 children and when he comes home from the 12 hour day of stress, there is mroe right on top from our day. Its not easy, but i do my best to keep his life stressfree at home. So, i was only trying to say that if you can see yourself at the end of the day waiting to get home to relax with her, then she is worth keeping. But I really think you need to discuss with her how you feel and how hard and stressful things are for you and will be for sometime. She needs to be supportive, and not worry so much about the small things.

p.s. for all the others who want to post neg rep point, very childish. The only person who should post a rep point on me for the topic would be original poster. these will be reported to admin as retaliation for speaking up.

What a loser, im impressed by your bully email.lol

Suggestion - get back on topic or just let it all go. I feel Road has dealt with his problem and that this thread is just getting out of hand.

agreed! thank you