Getting Married in/directly after TBS

I'm currently on IRR at the moment awaiting orders presumably to TBS. That being said, I'm looking to get engaged in the next month or two and married after graduation so I have a few questions I could not find elsewhere on the site. Her and I have already talked about it and thankfully her father is a ret. Lt. Col so she knows somewhat of what she is getting into.

1. With the time frame as is, 6 march report date, 12 sept graduation, what are some of your experiences with marines getting leave in that time frame/viable holidays? Obviously I'd enjoy to be next to my eventual spouse in order to propose to her. She lives in Florida so that makes things tricky.

2. Given the success of the former, when would be a date I could presumably set and attend a wedding? (again, in Florida). I realize there could be a gap or no gap at all between TBS and MOS school, could I request leave to do so or would the better suggestion be wait to get married until after MOS school?

3. If we got married in between TBS and MOS, would she need to make the trek on her own to place X or would I be able to go get/help her? Obviously this is all dependent upon what my report date to MOS school is.

Thanks for any suggestions you may have.

S/F

1. July 4th weekend if you're not in the field. Better yet, after TBS. You won't score leave during TBS. Are you an air contract?

2. Here's the deal with getting married between commands....In order to get to move with dependents, your orders have to say you have dependents. In order for your orders to say that, your wife has to be in DEERS and in your OQR. In order for that to happen you have to be married before the orders are written. So, no love getting your wife to or from anywhere if you get married in between.

Thank you for the reply. I've lurked here for a few years and usually get more information here than out of anywhere else.

I am not currently a contract, no. Screwed up Paperwork as it was I was unable to secure one in time. I've heard mentioned there is a spot or two in TBS. I either get it or I dont. Either way I'll remain a Marine doing Marine things.

-Good to know. It makes sense enough. I'll have to put in for leave the moment I get there for the July 4th weekend - assuming its not a FEX - if not, my timeline will fit the marine corps.

.... "if they wanted you to have a wife they would have issued you one with your seabag."

And I'm waiting for this thread to take it's normal course....

Regardless of how this thread devolves, I'll say do it when the time is right for you when the leave, training sched and all that align.

Now cue MB and Brett...

With respect, I will assume MarineMike's question of whether or not I was contracted and your "cue MB and Brett" are related. If this breaks forum registration rules I apologize. I've been in the dark for the last year on IRR without a word from my old command or HQMC. I'm projected to report in march and have yet to receive orders. I've received more word from reading the forum in general than to anywhere else.

Whether or not I receive the ban hammer, thank you for the response TheBubba. I was looking for some advice from Marines who hopefully had seen something similar.

S/F

Edit: Typos

Had nothing to do with the contract or that you're IRR right now. And no rules broken, and no ban in your future for this thread.

It's a bit of an inside joke marinated and some people's (including mine) personal experiences. It wasn't aimed at you. And I truly do wish nothing but the best for you and yours. [smileys in effect]

Re: the MB, TheBubba & Brett experience thing - there's a big hint in TheBubba's avatar. Going for popcorn...

Yes, they will. In fact, even after all of that, I'm taking the plunge again. Moral of the story is think those things out and make sure you are on the same page as the other person.

The three good things that came out of it are, in order: 1. Mini-Bubba 2. The girl I'm going to marry, and I'll tell you that if things hadn't happened they way they did, I'd not have met her and 3. A lot of life experience and some good lessons learned.

I'll say the lesson learned is if you have any doubts, don't do it. I had doubts last time. This time... None. I'll never say don't get married (and FTR, I never did). I'll just say be very careful... and go through a deployment dating/engaged first. We've done a deployment and a set of workups.

Maybe its time to change the avatar...

Congratulations on the engagement, Bubba. It sounds like you have a rock-solid perspective on things.

Bubba's pretty spot on..If there is any feeling of doubt.. THERE IS NO DOUBT>

RUN THE FUCK AWAY. See if you "make it" through a deployment. Being deployed in the middle of your marriage going down the tubes sucks balls. Been there. Done that. Also got divorced in the middle of flight school, and it was getting finalized when I was in FCLPs. Again, sucks balls.

See if she makes it through a deployment. Flight School / TBS "wife" =/= deployment capable wife. Some women just can't handle you being gone. Best to find out BEFORE it's "permanent"

And for the record, me and the GF are not getting married anytime soon, but both of our families won't stop harassing us about it. And she was around through a deployment. And moved with me across country.

Also, if an imminent minion is the reason for wanting to tie the knot, remember this-

You'll be on the hook for child support regardless. Don't add alimony to your troubles.

You've met me in person... Do I look like someone who learns easily?

And then there are those of us who don't have the life experience of TheBubba or MB, and don't have the bitter outlook on marriage that Brett does. And wouldn't change a thing.

MB has good advice, if there is doubt - don't do it, let it survive a deployment as well. PSW and I got married before we both deployed, but it's a little different when you're mil-mil. At least you know your spouse: 1. understands deployment and that it's NOT your choice, and 2. is self-sufficient. Now that I'm a reservist, PSW has benefited from fact #3. I know how to pack for deployment, and can do so for her when she's going on short notice and she's still at work.

Stinky, isn't it past your bedtime, or are you on the road like me?

I would also say that the "dad's a Lt. Col so she kind of knows what she's getting into" is a fallacy. My dad was a Lt Col and I still had pretty much no clue. So don't assume that she knows the ropes, even partially, just because her dad did something similar.

I've always like the adage that you should never marry anyone you wouldn't want to divorce. /unsolicited relationship advice

Brett, lets hope you never have to buy me that beer. Although there are 7 reasons I can think of where you could buy me beer... And they all end in "day".

As of now I report to Fox Company (6-12) on September 4th. From what I have gathered historically, and please correct me if I am wrong, Christmas at TBS carries a substantial break. My fiance' and I are planning on getting married on the 22nd of December. There are a lot of unknowns that come along with this plan and because of such I warned her that there is a possibility that it will not be happen. Any positive suggestions/criticism would be greatly appreciated especially from those who have been through a Christmas at Camp Barrett. Thanks.

Color me absolutely clueless on this...

If you suspect that your significant other would be unpleasant in a divorce, then they aren't someone you should be marrying in the first place.

Absolutely stellar advice to anyone considering marrage. I'm a 2 time loser so I'm obviously not an expert on marrage but I am an expert on divorce. Both times I was at least smart enough to marry sharp, successful, professional women who were plenty capable of ripping me a new one in a nasty divorce. They didn't because they were good with working it out between the two of us. Once the lawyers start running the show you are lost.

For the record I'm not against marrage, I'm just not very good at it. There won't be a 3rd Mrs. Rocketman.

This is a fantastic idea. Let's all just go ahead and lynch our marriages before they ever begin. Going into anything with this mindset is set up for auto-failure!

So I take it you aren't going to be a fan of learning your EP's ?

Totally missing the point...

...which is that if you look at her and she's the kind of person who makes you think, "She'd be an ungodly shrew in a divorce", then there are character flaws that mean you shouldn't marry her. That's not because the divorce will suck, but because the *marriage* will. I'm not saying you should go into it with the mindset that you might divorce; I'm saying that asking yourself, "How would she behave in this imaginary scenario?" is a good litmus test to help spot the future crazy, greedy bitches. If she won't act honorably in a divorce, she's not honorable, and why would you marry someone who isn't honorable? If you can't trust her to be reasonable when times are bad and when there's a temptation to act selfishly, doesn't that tell you something about the possibility for success in your marriage?

It isn't about planning for divorce, but about using that hypothetical scenario to take a closer look at you partner's character.