Family Disapproval - what do I do?

My Mom is okay with it...I think only because her father was in the Military and she knows he loved it.

Young man, heed this advice, as well as the other sound advice given to you on this matter here at this site. I refused to attend my father’s funeral and he was buried at Arlington. I’m ashamed to say that I was in the Navy at the time, asked to participate in the ceremony, and wouldn’t. I’m 61 now my young friend, and I regret, on almost a daily basis, that decision I made as a young man years ago. He’s your father and deserves your respect, even though you two disagree on you wanting to join the Navy.

But as others have said, it’s your life you’re a man now. If being a Navy man, and an aviator is what you want, do it! But ask your father for his blessings in your endeavourers.

Steve

That they were good with. They like him better than me now.

Ehh. I know it's good to vent, but I wouldn't go there. If you do want to talk to him about your differences, there is nothing wrong with that, just be the mature one. At this point in your life you don't need a single person, other then yourself, to make YOUR dreams come true.

Sage advice above. Always respect your father's point of view. In today's words...old school dudes respect you when you respect them. There will be many times in your life/career where you will agree to disagree even when it hurts you to do so. Some of those people will become your friends. Hopefully, once your father sees you are happy, he will come around. Do not distance yourself. Keep him up-to-date and always take the high road. You'll be better for it in the end.

FWIW, I had to deal with a similar situation in 1987/88.

If it helps, I was never convicted

Except for catching your first wave!

I will definitely take all of your advice, thanks!

Spammer

I haven't told my mom's side of the family yet because they're all a bunch of peace freaks and hippies except for my Great Aunt, whose two brothers (my grandpa and great uncle) were Navy and Marine Corps WWII Veterans.

Everyone on my fathers side is ok with it because his side is loaded with active duty and retired officers in the Navy, Air Force and Army. But they still think I should avoid risk and stay at my job as an accountant... NO THANK YOU!
My girlfriend things it's awesome although she's told me she's not sure whether she'll like the life style...

You know what? I don't give a dam about what people think! I'm going for SNA even if I have to die for it!

Don't let anyone disuade you from accomplishing your dream!
Cheers!

My family has been very apathetic towards my going to OCS. My mom has been doing this pouting thing where she just compares everything to how it will be when I am gone (when I won't be there). My dad keeps putting me on this guilt trip that I wasted 4 years of college because NFO has nothing to do with my major at all (apparently they missed the part where you have to have a bachelors degree to become an officer). It's been very tiring trying to deal with the combination of these reactions. I have found more support from my closest friends than my family. Why can't my parents just be proud of me for even getting picked up for NFO? I'm so excited and they just constantly have their "cranky pants" on. Any suggestions on how to stay pumped without getting burned out because Negative Nacy is creeping? (I think this is related to this thread.)

Hey there,

It's nice to see that this is your first post.

I know exactly what you mean.. I myself majored in Economics and now I want to be a Naval Aviator. So what?

Many times in life we won't have the support and encouragement we would expect from close friends and family in the pursuit of our goals. However, I think it's good to encounter these obstacles on our way in order to see how much we really want that particular goal. It's our goal thermometer. You know what I mean?

I wouldn't worry about what your parents say. I would happily continue with the pursuit of your NFO goal while trying to be understanding with them. I am sure your parents love you very much and want the best for. Many times they just try to fit in our lives with there's and forget that what is best for us is precisely to do what we like most and what will make us happy.

Go for it and don't let anyone disuade you if that's what you really want!

Cheers!

My mom was freaked out and my dad was super proud. Mom got over it and they have all the "Fly navy or die" stickers, gold Aviator wings on all the cars and tons of Naval Aviation pics all over the house. If you dream is to fly, do it. To sacrifice your dream to do the will of your parents is foolish.

Hunter

Some worked on making pallets for our gear and equipment..They would stack all of our trash and then secure it with a net of sorts..
That's what we do w/ SPAMMERS ... buh-bye

The military gets such a bad rep because of what people see on tv or in the movies. My dad & uncle (his brother) were both in the navy, but when my boyfriend decided to do navy OCS, he knew his parents weren't going to be very supportive. We talked to my dad about it, & he basically said that it's important to do what you need to do - you learn a lot about yourself in the military, but if you are UNSURE if it is right for YOU (not other people) then to find another vocation. My bf decided that he wanted to go no matter what, and he waited until the LAST MINUTE to tell his parents. It was so nerve wracking for everyone involved, because he told his college roommates & friends, & we had to be extra careful not to let it slip. By then, it was so close to when he was leaving that they didn't want him to think they hated him right before he embarked on this life changing decision, so they didn't say much to him (& plenty to me, unfortunately! what do they think, i like him being gone? i'm just supportive, something they need to learn to do). I'd just like to say, although my bf delayed & got off scot free - DON'T DO THAT.
You're smart for telling your parents, because then there's no lying. They should respect you for being honest with them & feeling comfortable enough with them to share what you want to do. What are they going to do about it? It sounds like they aren't paying for your college, etc so... you're independent. They'd have the same adverse reaction if you told them you were going to do another career & people are right - you could end up hating your life/job no matter WHAT you do!
Do what is best for YOU and no one else. That's why, although it was hard on me when my bf told me about OCS, I knew that for him to be truly happy, I needed to be supportive of his decision - it's not fun missing him so much & worrying 24/7, but I'd rather have that than feel like I held him back from his full potential.

I am blessed that my family has given me their blessings and are proud to have me going into Navy aviation, it did take dropping a free ride in grad school for mechanical engineering to make them realize that I was serious about it, but they are happy for me now which is what matters. I knew not all people are as lucky here as I was and this board epitomizes that. Thank you to all of those who have shared their stories; I wish I had seen this my first go around with the parents.

Ha, I'm an AE! A LOT of guys (for some reason, not as many women...) in AE & ME courses end up joining the military post graduation. Maybe your parents were almost expecting it?

Above all things, to thine own self be true--Shakespeare

It still surprises me how I actually got my package together for the Navy last year..

If you're Indian (like me) you'll know that the 2 things you're limited to being in life are either a doctor or an engineer. Almost every Indian parent thinks their child is going to be a doctor or engineer just like the next Indian parent. It's annoying and I with no exception fell into this group (kinda).

When I was 5 years old my parents got me a toy doctor kit. I ran around the house wearing the plastic stethoscope and what not saying I wanted to be a doctor on camera. Since then my parents thought I wanted to be a doctor for the rest of my life. They sent me to a medical magnet high school and when I got to college I was on the premed track. I guess you can say I had an epiphany after my sophomore year and realized I did not want to be a doctor. I simply was doing it because I thought my parents wanted me to be one, it would make them happy and I couldn't do anything else with my life.

So, I started thinking about what I wanted to do, what would make ME happy in the long run and not my parents (selfish, I know, but it's my life, not theirs). As if I went back in time 10 years ago, I realized I wanted to be a pilot, but I wasn't sure what branch. So I started researching a bit and based my decision off of a few different things. Between the ages of 10 and 18 years old, my dad took me to almost every single Air and Sea Show here in Ft. Lauderdale, FL. And every year for some reason, I looked forward to seeing one particular plane, the F-14 (I hadn't seen Top Gun yet so don't go all 'cliche" on me). I loved it, and while growing up bought models of it, pictures, you name it. Fast forwarding back to the present I had asked one of my friends who was a USMC enlisted to help me out a bit. I threw Army and Air Force out because it just didn't appeal to me. He said to look into the NROTC program, so I emailed the NROTC program. The LT emailed me back saying I was too far into undergraduate to join NROTC and gave me the email and phone number of a local USN OR.

I started getting my package together around August of 2010. But before I was able to, my OR told me I should really talk to my parents first. The day I told my parents I was literally shaking because of how nervous I was. I knew they wouldn't approve, but I had to tell them. So I sat both of them down and told them I wanted to join the Navy and become a naval aviator. My dad was upset initially because he wished I had told him earlier. He told me he always wanted me to do something that would make ME happy. They wouldn't have sent me to a medical magnet high school if I had just opened my mouth. I was so surprised to hear this from him. He asked me multiple times if I was absolutely sure that I wanted to do this and he said when I get to OCS that I better stay in there all the way to the end. My mom was a little tougher to get through. She cried when I told her I didn't want to become a doctor. She always wanted me to be a doctor and she even played the guilt card of how my grandfather who recently passed away wanted me to be a doctor. She was worried about her only son (I have 4 sisters and I am the only son) joining the military. After I explained everything to her, she said if it made me happy she will support me. So, once I got through to my parents they have been pushing me and supporting me. My dad even shelled out for my PRK that I got done in December. I joked around with my dad the other day saying it was his fault that I wanted to become a naval aviator because he took me to so many air and sea shows.

Moral of the story: Don't beat around the bush about joining the military, especially when it comes to your parents. I didn't think my parents would EVER approve, but I won them over and they're supporting more than ever now. It's a big decision when you decide you want to join the military and you can always use as much support as you can get from family and friends.

Sorry I know it's lengthy, just had to get it off my chest

Good Show!

Great post... interesting, informative, and well written. Looks like you have all your poopies in a neat pile. It's a long road, with considerable attrition along the way along with tough competition, but the "Prize" is well worth your best effort.

Good luck to you, you'd be welcome on my wing or in my Ready Room!:idea_125:
BzB

Thanks for the read BusyBee and yeah I have definitely got my eye on the prize. Crossing my fingers for the April boards!

Good luck to you! Sounds like you have thought this through and it's what you really want in life, so keep on keepin' on!

Well, last night I sent out a very heartfelt long email to my parents. I had already told them 2 years ago I wanted to join the Navy. My mom was always okay with it but my dad just shrugged it off and said it's a tough job and I'm not allowed to do it. I always thought to myself "yeah, try to stop me it's my decision." Anyway, I sent this long email to them last night explaining what I wanted to do within the Navy and gave them links to explain the Supply Corps that way they could understand it better and then when I go home for spring break in 2 weeks, we can talk about it in person after they've had time to digest it all if you will. Well, they both replied back. My mom was extremely proud and said she was okay with me wanting to go Navy and she thinks it's a great idea. My dad, at first said he thought it'd be really great and said he was gonna talk to his long time friend about it who is currently an Admiral. I email them both back thanking them for being supportive and blah blah blah. Then my dad emails me back saying he doesn't see me in the Navy at all and he wants me to get my masters first and learn a foreign language and go work for a different government agency.... basically he's trying to get me to follow in his footsteps and he thinks I'm naive enough to listen to everything he says, or that I'm a pushover rather. I emailed him back explaining that the reason I want to join the Navy is to give back to the country, I want to be part of something bigger than myself, and that while you could technically get that from other government agencies (at least in his eyes) I was really attracted to the career culture of the Navy. He just doesn't seem to understand anymore though. Like, he went a total 180 and isn't exactly opposed to it, but I can tell he's definitely trying to talk me out of it. I've been pushing this for years and he's still weird about it. It's like he has selective hearing when I talk about it and selective reading when I email him. It's very frustrating, but I just plan on telling him over spring break that it's my life, as bitchy as it sounds, and that if I want to "make the mistake" by going Navy or graduate school, then let me do that. I told him I could always get my masters later in life. His way of thinking is that I'm choosing the Navy since the economy is so bad it's tough to get a job. Understandable, lots of people chose this route (unfortunately). But this is something I've wanted to do for years and I told him that and he just can't understand it. </end rant>

Most of this boils down to you're a big girl now, and what your parents say are only suggestions. Good luck, these are exciting times for you!

Go Girl!

Ummm, agree wit* your advice; but I t*ink it's "big girl now"! :icon_woma Attention to detail?

Green Lantern: Stick to your guns :icon_hamm ...It's YOUR decision!
BzB